<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by olgjmj:
<strong>
That is why we cannot be together RIGHT NOW.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>That one statement alone says STILL INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR and is waiting for the dust to settle so that the affair can continue as before. Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, priest and one of his flock, two gay people, if you are in a committed relationship and you are planning to be with someone else it is a CURRENT AFFAIR.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by K:
I didn't compare this to pedophilia.<p>Nor I. But I would put it on a moral parallel with rape, when you figure in the angle of leveraging spiritual authority to get sex while ravaging a family supposedly under his ethical watch.<p>You've moved from an EA to a PA and now back to an EA. Until one of those two requirements are fulfilled, nothing is going to happen---other than your husband leaving you. And that's exactly the advice that I would give him---it sounds like he's done a pretty darn good job attempting to rebuild the marriage. He's not giving you ultimatums. He's simply taking care of his emotional health.<p>Yep, he's overdue for Plan B. <p>O is either a put-on or so far gone that it is a waste of time dialoguing with her. She is back asking the same inane leading questions that she was in September (is it okay for me to see the OM??) [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Maybe that is the fog, I don't know. But when last seen she was moving into a new house and the bishop was all over the case. Now neither of those are in the plot? I don't know. Maybe it is a put-on.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mike C2:
<strong>[QUOTE]Originally posted by K:<p>O is either a put-on or so far gone that it is a waste of time dialoguing with her. She is back asking the same inane leading questions that she was in September (is it okay for me to see the OM??) [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Maybe that is the fog, I don't know. But when last seen she was moving into a new house and the bishop was all over the case. Now neither of those are in the plot? I don't know. Maybe it is a put-on.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Where is the advice or support in this post?<p>Was there a purpose to this?

People please....if you cannot offer advice or support, it would be nice if you move on to a post where you can.<p>
O is a lady with feelings and emotions. So, you may not agree, understand or you have tried many times. But, this is O and O's thoughts and feelings.<p>It doesn't give YOU the right to try to humiliate or ridicule her. Trust me. She hurts just like we do.

All I can tell you is after 8 years of going back and forth that you need to cut off all ties. I have been in and out of a relationship for 8 years...you have to cut off all contact and it gets more painful as the years go by. Do it for yourself and your husband

Our relationship has been going on for over 7 years, so I can relate to you. It has gone from friendship to deep friendship to love. It seems nearly impossible to let go of someone you have loved so intensly for so many years. It would be easier if our relationship had deteriorated, but it has done nothing but grow deeper and deeper. <p>It will be like he died to me. I cannot seem to face that.<p>If I never see him again it will feel like I died inside. <p>I am resuming my appointments with the counselor today. I know she, too, will tell me never to see him again.<p>I guess I am in such a fog that the only thing that might make me go complete NC is that it will tell OM how much I love him--not that he doesn't know already.

O:<p>"It will be like he died to me. I cannot seem to face that.<p>If I never see him again it will feel like I died inside. "<p>We all have to make decisions in our lives, about Rs, about jobs, about where we live, that involve devoting ourselves to ONE of those things and grieving the DEATH of the others. This happens when we marry and have to give up ex boyfriends/girlfriends and even close opposite sex friends. And it definitely needs to happen in the case of a polygamous lifestyle that one lives during an A.<p>These choices and the grieving of the loss of the alternatives is never easy, but it's always necessary.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Patient1:
People please....if you cannot offer advice or support, it would be nice if you move on to a post where you can.<p>Yeah, yeah, read the history. I took that stance last year on the IR board and was about the only person sticking up for her (maybe K and JL). Then the whole story became very fishy. Read the whole history if you don't want to sound the fool.

The only thing I ask of any of you is not to insinuate that my story is made up. It is not. It is the truth and it is very hurtful when some of you, instead of helping or even flaming, just dismiss me as a fraud.<p>Life is complex and complicated. Life is made of of contradictions and steps backward as well as forward. <p>I am going today to a counselor and to another priest to begin to get strength to end the A with OM. Until I do, I will not post again on this or any other board.<p>Thanks for all who have given me support. God bless you and good-bye.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mike C2:
Yeah, yeah, read the history. I took that stance last year on the IR board and was about the only person sticking up for her (maybe K and JL). Then the whole story became very fishy. Read the whole history if you don't want to sound the fool.[/QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Mike C2<p>Did YOU even read my post????<p>I was refering to advice and support. That does not mean sticking up for a person.<p>I am well aware of the whole story. Very well aware. <p>So, you think I sound like the fool. So what? I was expressing MY feelings. I don't think I sound like the fool.<p>Your frustrated with this situation of O's. She's not following suggestions or advice. That's fine.
What you are offering her now, is YOUR frustration. Why?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Patient1:
<strong>
Your frustrated with this situation of O's. She's not following suggestions or advice. That's fine.
What you are offering her now, is YOUR frustration.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Patient1 - You haven't been around here long, have you? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mike, AND ALL OF US, who offered O. our "help" were constantly told by her that "we didn't understand" her and her OM, or how deep their feelings ran for each other. <Gag> Now it turns out this thing is going on for SEVEN YEARS?!?!?! Her H should have kicked her to the proverbial curb LONG BEFORE NOW.<p>She fought every shred of advice, twisted and misconstrued everything that was told her. She rationalized, got angry, LEFT, came back, re-posted, pleaded for help, got angry at "bad" adivce again, demonstrated in her posts how she has THROWN THIS A up in her H's face time and time again. It goes on and on. If you TRULY know all this, you wouldn't be attacking Mike, or anyone else who's just had it with her and her (probably bogus) situation.<p>She probably got thousands of posts of help, and continuously was told to cut off her A, which meant nothing to her, and did nothing to slow it down one bit, judging from the latest information she is feeding us. <p>Don't you think everyone here is sick and tired of "thowing pearls before swine?" Well, at least one of us is, and I doubt I will EVER answer another of her posts. In the meantime, after YOU waste about 3 months of YOUR time, emotions, and life, then and only then should you chastise anyone else for their attitude with this UNREPENTENT WS.

Don't you think everyone here is sick and tired of "thowing pearls before swine?" Well, at least one of us is, and I doubt I will EVER answer another of her posts. In the meantime, after YOU waste about 3 months of YOUR time, emotions, and life, then and only then should you chastise anyone else for their attitude with this UNREPENTENT WS.<p>
Lupo<p>That is exactly MY point.<p>STOP wasting your time. STOP throwing pearls before swine.<p>UNREPENTENT WS...I agree..I DON'T agree this gives us a right to humiliate, and state that she is bogus.<p>If your sick and tired of it, STOP, replying to it. I mean why reply, just to say you're sick and tired of this?<p>Lupo, I am not attacking ANYONE.<p>I just don't see how humiliating a person or saying there story is bogus, helps.<p>Really, I don't see how it can help. Maybe I'm wrong. Can you explain to me, how it can help?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Patient1:
<strong>If your sick and tired of it, STOP, replying to it. I mean why reply, just to say you're sick and tired of this?<p>I just don't see how humiliating a person or saying there story is bogus, helps.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Well, Patient, if you will go back and look at Mike's reply AND MINE, we are responding to YOU, NOT Olmkjhjhgfg. It appears it's impossible to humiliate her, either! I think that's the element that makes me most "suspect" of whether this is a real person or not.<p>I doubt ANYONE who tried to "help" her last year has anything to say to her! I know I don't. It's just too frustrating. That's what you hear in Mike's post. And mine, I'm afraid. I was merely defending him. <p>Guess I'll butt out now. Sorry for the confusion! Good luck, all.
[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I had really hoped that since we hadn't heard from you, you had moved away and stopped ALL contact with OM. Guess that was asking too much? You are not going to find anybody here that's going to support your decision to see someone whom you are 'still in love' with.<p>If you love him, why are you with your H? Your H is MUCH more patient than I would be in his shoes.<p>Pray about it.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lupolady:
In the meantime, after YOU waste about 3 months of YOUR time, emotions, and life, then and only then should you chastise anyone else for their attitude with this UNREPENTENT WS.<p>what she said.<p>Actually, I would hope that when OLGwhatever sees that posters here have had it with re-explaining no contact and emotional affairs to her for the kazillionth time, it may actually cause her to reassess her actions. I know that the help I got in my situation here was from people (like K and Karenna and JL and Kam) who clubbed me into reality (and counseling), not coddled me into a endless philosophical debate that would allow me to continue my marital errors.<p>Last year, over a period of months where she brought the IR board to a standstill, OLG was told and retold 1000 times over LITERALLY, that she needs to break off all contact in order to rebuild her marital relationship. Now she is back.....confused on the principle. Excuse my frustration. Maybe a few months of renewed debate will light her bulb. Have fun doing it, but my guess is that frustration is as likely as anyone else's replaying the broken record to jar her into reality. Call it a message board Plan B.

My opinion is that she didn't realize "The Thorn Birds" was a work of fiction.

She is all your people's...

emotional affairs? I remember her mentioning some definitely sexual stuff too. I won't waste my time trying to reason with her, her mind seems to be made up which is too bad for her family.

Yes, you are right. My mind is made up. I am going into complete NC with OM.<p>I cannot put my children through a divorce. I cannot put OM through leaving his vocation. I cannot put my H through loving me without me loving him back. I cannot go against everything my faith teaches. I cannot throw away a good marriage of 20+ years.<p>I cannot continue to cry every day. I cannot continue to take for granted the love my H shows me.<p>The best way to love OM is to leave him.<p>I made the decision today to attend another church and my children will no longer attend the parish school after they are out in three weeks. <p>I am going to a counselor and another priest to help me through this. I know it won't be easy. It will be the most difficult thing I will ever have to do.<p>My children will want to continue to attend our church. I say we should let them, but my H says I only want to maintain a tie to OM.<p>One more question--should I write another NC letter to OM?

Yes, and send a copy to your H, and to your OM's superior in the church.<p>JL