Good morning, all,<p>I haven't been around too much - trying not to relive all that's happened (although it's extremely hard not to on a daily basis).<p>I asked my WH to move out back in February and it's finally happening. His apartment is available today and he'll be moved out by mid-week next week. Bunk beds have been torn down and packing is beginning.<p>I'm very torn about all this and I have weak moments (I wouldn't be human if I didn't), but I know this is the best option for me at this time. I'm sure next week will be tougher as it's my birthday on Tuesday and I'll be helping him move. He said he wants to plan something, but it doesn't really matter. Last year I discovered he planned on meeting a potential OW on my birthday (the date slipped hi mind :mad [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>So it's happening - finally! And what happens next is still a mystery. I told him I'd think about reconciling, but I don't really know if I could trust him ever again. I refuse to go through the wondering and the snooping again. Time will tell!<p>Thanks for all the support and guidance in the past!<p>God bless!

Free,<p>I actually came over here to see if you had posted an update, and here you are. Great timing!<p>I am glad that the time has come for you to put you first and your healing at the top of the priority list. Plan B with your heart! You deserve some time for you without your H bringing you back into the 'pit'.<p>Plan B was actually a very, very good time in personal healing for me. I'm sure it will be for you too.<p>Hugs,<p>OneDay

Hi,<p>It's nice to know someone was thinking of me - thank you so much!<p>It's a rainy, dreary day here inside and out! I found that my H has a new "friendship" developing and so I told him this morning I was going to file for divorce. I also took my rings off this morning. I am just fooling myself to think we could ever reconcile.<p>So why does it hurt so much? I'm more emotional today than I ever have been. I just want him out and I want to start healing. I don't deserve this at all.<p>Thanks again for thinking of me!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh, cr*p!<p>I hope you don't mind my saying this, but your H is a lost cause. And any contact you have with him will just be salt in your wounds. A new "friendship" - sheesh, what a jerk! At this point, the less you have to do with him the better.<p>You are well into the time for plan B with no contact. Don't even think about reconciliation. In fact, don't even think about him at all. Just think about you and your son and the things you want to do to restore sanity into your lives. Your H is his own, and it is about time.<p>Sorry to be so harsh about your H, but you have tried everything so many times, you have been patient beyond what most could be, and you have trusted him again and again. And he just continues to be a jerk and to pull you into h**l. You are absolutely right that you don't deserve this. YOU DON'T!<p>I understand you being emotional right now, and that is healthy. I am going to share some advice from my IC: tap into the anger you feel (cause I know there's got to be quite a bit), and use that to give you the motivation to focus on you (and to keep him out of your life).<p>Plan B, Plan B, Plan B. Think about you NOT H. Do things for you NOT H. Give to yourself NOT H.<p>And post often to tell us how you are and when you need support.<p>Hugs to you.<p>OneDay

Oh, Oneday,<p>It bugs me that I'm emotional and not angry. You aren't being too harsh with your words - I need to hear this since I'm too dense to know it or feel it.<p>A friend of mine said she's going to put a rubber band around my forhead and snap it when I start wallowing or weakening. That would surely work! LOL She also pointed out to me that he doesn't have any male friends that he goes back and forth with in email and he doesn't create friendships with men he chats with on the phone for work. He has a collection of female friends to boost himself up.<p>ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME<p>Thanks for the reminder!

HE'S OUT!<p>We spent the last 2 days moving my H into his new apartment. Tonight will be our first night apart. We had lunch today for my birthday and he gave me a gift. It was hard keeping my emotions in check. <p>I'm still obsessing over what he's up to. I hope that gets better, but I was proud of myself the other day - I ran some errands and his cell phone was at my disposale, just calling me to check it, and I never turned it on or touched it. Normally I'd be all over that checking every nook and cranny.<p>~ sigh ~<p>I can't wait to go home (after the boys games) and crash and just bury my head for a good cry!<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Hang in there ... my WW stays only 1 night in January, 2 nights in Feb, 1 night in March & April ... finally move out from OM's mom apartment where OM live too on May. Last year I pass OM's place almost every night, call her cell once in a while ... my WW plan B'ng me. Initially it is hard, but it will get better w/ time. We are very adaptive creatures. Now, I don't even missed her ... for me it is better not seeing her or deals with her crabs.<p>Take extra activities ... I plan to learn how to dance [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] ... since my WW will have the visitation on Thursday night & every other weekend. I am trying to pass series 7 exams. It will be hard for me w/o my 2 D for those night. We all know that we will make it ... one way or another. Do special activities to fill in you new found time.

Free ~<p>You know, the week before my H left, I was devistated. I cried, was angry, and pretty much a wreck. (on the upside, it becomes really easy to diet cuz food has very little appeal ;-) But since then, it was such a relief to be able to tell friends and family what was going on, and they have all been so very supportive!! <p>Hang in there!! It does get better. For me it got a lot better after I got over the "ANGER" stage...this was mostly due to the positive advice in this forum. Overall, I think Plan B is a tad "easier" than Plan A. And as others have said, use this time for yourself and learn about the strength you have.<p>Happy Belated Birthday!

Redhat & local,<p>Thanks so much for the responses. Sometimes I think I'm invisible if my screen name doesn't start with olg...<p>It will be hard as my exH leaves June 1st for Germany and Bosnia with his Guard unit. I will be extremely busy for the next 12 months with having the boys full-time. I'm sure it's a blessing in disguise.<p>It's so much easier, as one of you eluded to, when I don't see him or talk to him. Once I see him my obsessive thoughts start and I wonder who and what he's up to.<p>Thanks again!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Free2BMe,<p>I know how you feel ... play the oldie's from ABBA ... mamma mia [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]

Now there's a blast from the past! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Free,<p>I'm so sorry for what you're going thru. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p> Serial cheater, huh? No male friends, only female? Something is seriously wrong with your H's self-esteem. Hope he figures it out and gets the appropriate help. Maybe his moving out and missing all that you provided will be a catalyst for him.<p>Not to be picky...and your Plan B is your own, Lord knows my own recovery factors were modified! But I thought Plan B meant No Contact with your H? <p>Oh, and belated Happy Birthday, Free. Taurus, huh? My mom's was May 8th. They say "bulls" are those who stubbornly and tenaciously hold onto their convictions...I think that's a good thing for you right now! <p>Many blessings of strength and patience on you, Free.

Happy Birthday!
This should be the year for YOU! You deserve so much better than to be lied to and cheated on! I wish you strength and wisdom and happiness in the coming year.

Leilana,<p>You said: Something is seriously wrong with your H's self-esteem. Hope he figures it out and gets the appropriate help. I agree with this and have always thought this to be true. I have Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book "Building Your Mate's Self-Esteem". I bought it during our dating years and he related to much of it. No matter what I do to build it up, he just isn't satisfied. I've tried to meet his needs, but it just isn't enough. Our pastor says he has a bottomless bucket.<p>Not to be picky...and your Plan B is your own, Lord knows my own recovery factors were modified! But I thought Plan B meant No Contact with your H? You are not being picky, and I know you're right. I finally made the step to get him out and now I have to find the strength to write that NC letter. He will have his stuff out fully today while I'm at work so I'll just need to see him to switch back vehicles.<p>Thank you for the birthday wishes. I can be very stubborn, but when it comes to my H I'm so wishy-washy. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>espoir,<p>Happy Birthday!
This should be the year for YOU! You deserve so much better than to be lied to and cheated on! I wish you strength and wisdom and happiness in the coming year. Thank you very much! This does need to be my year. I've gotten back to listening to the Christian radio station I like and it boosts my spirits and gives me strength. I need to start my healing now that he'll be out 100% and ensure there's no contact.<p>Not sure if I posted it on here - but he's already telling me he's going to quit drinking so he can stop the spirils. I also noticed he has the portals of prayer back in his car to read daily. He has fallen so far from the Lord it isn't funny (and we're both extremely active in our congregation). I hope and pray he turns his life back for himself and not just to win me back.<p>Thanks again for the responses!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Free2BMe,<p>Happy B-day ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Got to start my project, I will chat later. -RH-

Thanks, RH!<p> [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Happy Birthday Free! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>First time I've stopped in the forum in a long time. Do't even know how long it's been. I was glad you posted a link to this in recovery or I probably wouldn't have found it.<p>So he's out. I agree with one day. About time. Now it's time to concentrate on you, how are you doing?<p>It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. I suggest as she did you shouldn't even be thinking of reconciliation now. Give yourself time to heal and time to get to know you, and what part of you has been atracted to this serial cheater and not letting him go so that you don't end up revisiting this in the future in a repeat performance. You know what I mean, right? <p>I would say now is a great time for individual counseling and read lots of self improvement books. A couple of good ones I recommend: "How to get what you want and want what you have" by John Gray and "The Road Less Traveled" By Scott Peck.<p>DON'T think about him or reconciliation, DON'T think about dating, don't think about men in general, think about you for a while and how you can help heal you. That is the very best thing you can do. Mediate, read, learn, talk, write, walk, take time to get to know your kids. <p>You're going to be ok. One day at a time, one minute at a time if need be, but you will be ok. Stay strong, and here...let me snap that rubber band for you. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Free,<p>Belated Happy Birthday and Happy Mother's Day.<p>Now, repeat after me: NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT.<p>Hugs,<p>OneDay

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY EVERYONE!<p>NY & OneDay, thank you both for popping in for the contiued support, confidence and rubber band snapping! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My H has 1 more dresser to get today and he also said he'd put my new computer desk together so once that's done I will discuss the no contact with him. <p>We sat together during church service and he is very frisky these days and telling me I look so hot. He hugs and kisses me every chance he can. Is this more decieving behavior on his part? I usually push him away, but haven't set the boundaries. <p>I can't believe he's out - I'm happy and sad at the same time. Word has started to get around work and I'm shocked at some of the men who have mentioned their "support". One 50-year-old (I'm 36) friend of my exH and I was quite persistant at getting together for wine and "whatever". OMG!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I haven't been on here much, but think I need the extra support. I need to keep focused on healing me and not get caught up in another relationship (I so miss H's touch and I'm so vulnerable).<p>I hope you have a wonderful day!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Free2BMe:
<strong>I've tried to meet his needs, but it just isn't enough. Our pastor says he has a bottomless bucket.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>There are a few WS, that their problems go waaaay beyond just the normal self-esteem problems that led up to their A. Sounds like your H is one of the few that are beyond a BS's help. Perhaps he won't change without the intensive, professional kind. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
<p><strong>I can be very stubborn, but when it comes to my H I'm so wishy-washy. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><p>Not wish-washy, Free. Loyal. Another lovely "Taurean" trait. Loyalty unto death...unfortunately, he's the one that seems to be killing you off. <p>So, you're having to work against your "nature"!<p> But God bless you for seeing the writing on the wall and taking the right steps. You've done everything to the best of your ability, I don't think I can commend you enough for all that you've done and been thru for the sake of your marriage.