Dear XXXXXXX,<p>If you remember, I tried attending another church last year only to return to XXXXXXXXXX. It is not working because you see I continue to be tortured with feelings of love for you emotionally and sexually. I try to fight them, but they overwhelm me. I realize our relationship cannot continue.
It is for these reasons that I cannot see you again. It is for these reasons that I need to cut all ties with the church. I want to do what is right. I have tried to stay away from you, but it is difficult. I am drawn to you as you are to me. My heart overflows with happiness when I see you. It pains me that we have to avoid one another.
So, I will be going to another church from now on. XXXX will not be returning to the school next year. Of course, they do not know the reason and I will never tell them.
I need to focus on my marriage and my husband. I need to give my love to him. Perhaps this has been a test--a test from God or from Satan, I don't know which.<p> I wish you all the happiness there is.

Cut out all the lovey-dovey stuff, O.<p>Keep it short and simple - no mush.<p>Then send a copy to the Bishop and give another copy to your H.<p>If you can't get a copy of the letter from someone, edit yours to look "something" like this:<p>If you remember, I tried attending another church last year only to return to XXXXXXXXXX. It is not working because I cannot have any contact with you. <p>I realize our relationship cannot continue. <p>I love my H and will do what is necessary to save my marriage.<p>I need to cut all ties with you. <p>I will be going to another church from now on. XXXX will not be returning to the school next year. <p>I need to focus on my marriage and my husband.

Even as I post that letter I am getting cold feet. I cannot do it. I cannot bear it. <p>[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: olgjmj ]<p>[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: olgjmj ]</p>

1. A no contact letter is never to say that feelings of love exists... it only reinforces the possibility of renewed contact!
...REMOVE FROM YOUR LETTERt...
"...tortured with feelings of love..."
"...they overwhelm me..."
"...but it is difficult. I am drawn to you as you are to me..."
"...My heart overflows with happiness..."
"...It pains me..."<p>Replace the ending with...
"God grant you the grace to repent... and seek the counsel of the Bishop!... to renew your vows to your true bride... the church!"<p>2. YOU must indicate strength of resolve in fighting your feelings.<p>3. State the reasons for no contact clearly...
a. it is wrong in the sight of God
b. it is immoral
c. it is hurting your family... and keeping your from the responsibilities to your kids and husband!
d. it is sinful (6th and 9th commandments)
e. you feel repentant... and want that closer relationship with Jesus!
f. ...(add your own... here...)
g. ...(and here too!)<p>4. You're not cutting ties with the church... just this one parish!<p>5. Attend to a fully sacramental confession at once...
...tommorrow if at all possible...
...check out Mass Times... for other parishes close to you... and for the times confessions are heard...
...if the times are not convenient... call for an appointment!...
...make the confession... perferrably with a self-defined penance of writing to the Bishop...
That will give you the feeling... freeing... experience of God's love.
Also check out...
Fr. Finelli's Confession Page
Examination of Conscience
Examination of Conscience.. Sacrament of Penance
Guide for Examination of Conscience<p>You have here... links to go to when feeling... 'you can't....'!!!!<p>The more you put time into thinking about the OM...
...and the less into allowing everyone here be the conscience... the good conscience to lead you...
...the more you allow your pride (another sin)... and slothfulness(another sin)... to take you over!<p>Keep yourself focused on repentance!!!<p>Instead of replying to the old post...
...work on writing that letter to the Bishop!
When I come back (in about 3 hours)... I want to see you post a draft letter to the Bishop...
(e-mail to me if you feel embarassed (check my profile)...
...you shouldn't feel it an embarassment... it is not a confession to the Bishop... and... since you've already told us all of your feelings... <p>And did you call to make an appointment already with another priest?... please call tonight... ask your H to keep you to this!!! You'll be showing him some incredible love... God too!<p>The truth... Christ's truth will set YOU free...
...holding onto the falsehood... and darkness of this sin... will bind you... in a real torture of separation (willful) from God!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My prayers to you...<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR<p>[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: NSR ]</p>

I agree, mentioning your feelings will only leave the door wide open. My H's OW did this by saying they could be together 'in another time, another place.'<p>Sever ALL ties. No explanations necessary. If he's halfway intelligent, he'll know why he's getting the letter in the first place.

olgjmj, you really shock me, the fact that you even try to wrote one I am really surprised. Please listen to NSR ... a lot of thing probably doesn't make sense to you now ... just do it. Make the changes that Jim recomend and send it to your H and your bishop.<p>Maybe you will get cold feet and not to follow it through. I keep praying for you !. Again fix the letter, don't think too much and ask your H or third party to deliver your letter. Don't try to rationalize your action ... down the road you will understand it. Only good could come out from doing NC. Withdrawal will be hard but it is a neccesary step to work on M and restoring your M.<p>God bless you -RH-

Olgjmj,<p>You are headed in the right direction. You will get 'cold feet', you may even get emotionally drained and more depressed than you have ever been. Par for the course. Expect this and know that your road to healing with not be smooth sailing. You have damaged your soul and your family badly. <p>Now let's flip this a bit and since you probably still care for this guy, know this. If he is any bit of a 'friend' or even a man, he will be doing a letter of his own to you. He will stand up for what is scripturally and morally right. If he does not, he is not your friend and is not faithful to the one he should be faithful to. <p>Part of healing will be pain and suffering. Part of suffering will be withdrawal. Part of withdrawal will be cold feel, sweaty palms, many tears and great pain of heart. <p>So how do you wade through these emotions? Keep your goal in mind. Know that happiness without him does exist (hey I'm happy and I don't even know him!). Put your family's smiling faces in front of you constantly. Make that your goal, to make your family happy. In turn you will also reap the benefits of being a real mom, wife and friend. <p>Your actions to run to him is not what a true friend would do. Remember that. <p>L.

Hey OLG. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Someone on another board asked me to pass this on to you, so I will. <p>" I'm not registered to post on MB's and need to leave for the airport in a couple of hours and haven't even packed!! Will somebody please post the following I found in today's paper:
"Pope tightens doctrine on absolution of sins" <p>The Vatican announced on Thurdsday that it was cracking down on priests who have become too free in granting group absolution to sinnners, or have otherwise become lax confessors........<p>Pope John Paul II called for the changes in an apostolic letter, which also said "It is clear that penitents living in a habitual state of serious sin and who do not intend to change their situation cannot validly receive absolution."<p>The pope was reaffirming the roman Catholic teaching that penitents can be absolved only if they intend to CHANGE THEIR WAYS - to "go and sin no more". <p>Hmmmm, how dare OLG's priest presume to administer the rites when he lives in perpetual sin. How dare OLG receive the sacraments, when she lives in perpetual sin. Neither ever intends to give up their "sins"."<p>So there it is, for what it's worth. Please, OLG, quit trying to put this in the typical old "EMA" mold. It isn't. What seems to have it's hooks in you seems, somehow, even more insidious. There is a reason why the military has rules about messing around with the people you outrank, OLG. It's a misuse of power akin to incest or pediphilia. I am NOT saying "he" is like a pediphile....I'm saying the misuse of power is the same. <p>Good luck. Hope you rewrite that letter.
[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I am not sure if I will go through with this, but I will try. I don't know if I can leave him, but I will try.<p>I am not sending the letter right now--I cannot. I told my h tonight that I cannot make a blanket promise, but will take one day at a time. He was not happy, but said he would go along with that as long as I was headed in the right direction.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by olgjmj:
<strong>I am not sure if I will go through with this, but I will try. I don't know if I can leave him, but I will try.<p>I am not sending the letter right now--I cannot. I told my h tonight that I cannot make a blanket promise, but will take one day at a time. He was not happy, but said he would go along with that as long as I was headed in the right direction.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You can't just "try" - you have to just do it! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] And....yes, you can! If you want to do the right thing, you can do it!!!! <p>Do you want to do the right thing? Promise your H that you'll have NC with OM, write letter and see that OM gets it (via someone else), and then take one day at a time with your H. You will never be truly happy unless you do all of these things.

{{{olgjmj}}},<p>Please rewrite that letter everyday...
...use my suggestions as well as those of others!
In fact... whenever the thought of the OM comes into your mind... stop... take out your draft... and add more reasons for permanent separation!<p>Don't come to the forum(s) looking for approval...
...or understanding...
...but for compassion on your soul...
...and that compassion is only healthy if it corrects your misformed/weakened conscience.<p>Come to the forum... with new (and better) drafts of the "No Contact" letter...
...you'll get a boat load of [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] 's<p>Come to the forum... with new drafts... to the Bishop...
...work on the words... that are righteous... in Christ's truth!
...and learn, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, to make His truth... your truth as well.<p>Never fear you won't be forgiven!
There is no sin that can't be forgiven by God...
...accept the sin of unrepentance!<p>Pray... Pray... Pray...
...for a correction to your heart's pain...
...that pain should be... not for a love lost...
...but for the love you've taken away from husband and child(ren)!<p>Set a date... (ASAP)... to make an appointment with a different confessor...
...I gave you the links on how to find them...
...just 4 short clicks and a phone call is all it will take!
Tell your husband... "dear... I show you my love... by being humble and having the humility to say I've sinned... please... drive me to chosen priest... this comming... xxxday!"
Letting husband take you... drive you... is a gift of unmatched love.<p>Also, start drafting the letter to the Bishop as well...
...it will be most healing to the soul.
Don't be unscrupulous... don't confess to the Bishop... but to another priest!
This is not to spite the OM...
...but to show a love for his vows... and love to his bride... the church!<p>Go to mass this Sunday...
...celebrating a birthday to come (2 weeks)..
...and ask the same Holy Spirit to come upon you...
...to give you the strength and wisdom...
...to love God first... and heal your relationship with Him... before all other relationship that need healing.<p>BTW: {{{FinallyHappy}}}...
Please check out State of Soul of the Minister / Sacraments<p>...But from the controversy between St. Augustine and the Donatists in the fourth century and especially from the controversy between St. Stephen and St. Cyprian (q.v.) in the third century, we know that personal holiness or the state of grace in the minister is not a prerequisite for the valid administration of the sacrament. ...
...read the whole link... it explains the Catholic prespective on valid vs. licit adminstration of the sacraments!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR<p>[ May 05, 2002: Message edited by: NSR ]</p>

"BTW: {{{FinallyHappy}}}...
Please check out State of Soul of the Minister / Sacraments"<p>Hugs back at you, NSR! I did check out the link....and Thank You! I realized that I had not been very succinct when I reread what I had posted. The lady who wrote that statement which I had put in quotes was, unfortunately, not me. It is another person on our board who cares a lot about the situation OLG is in right now. (someone, BTW, who can argue canon law a WHOLE lot better than I can.LOL.)<p>"But from the controversy between St. Augustine and the Donatists in the fourth century and especially from the controversy between St. Stephen and St. Cyprian (q.v.) in the third century, we know that personal holiness or the state of grace in the minister is not a prerequisite for the valid administration of the sacrament. ..."<p>ummmmmmmmmmmm.....Is it ok if I just go with the Pope? I much prefer his take on it! LOL (see below)<p>"Pope John Paul II called for the changes in an apostolic letter, which also said "It is clear that penitents living in a habitual state of serious sin and who do not intend to change their situation cannot validly receive absolution.""<p>"Don't be unscrupulous... don't confess to the Bishop... but to another priest!"<p>She did. He was a little taken aback! <p>It's a mess. sheesh. OLG.....I think that taking NSR's advice on rewriting this letter over and over again would be helpful to all of you. Best of luck!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by olgjmj:
Dear XXXXXXX,
If you remember, I tried attending another church last year only to return to XXXXXXXXXX. It is not working because you see I continue to be tortured with feelings of love for you emotionally and sexually. I try to fight them, but they overwhelm me.//// I have tried to stay away from you, but it is difficult. I am drawn to you as you are to me. My heart overflows with happiness when I see you. It pains me that we have to avoid one another./// I wish you all the happiness there is.<p>Wow, you really told him off! :eyeroll:<p>Cut out all of the above and add a boatload of "mortal sin" and "horrendous crimes against your marital vows" that you will dedicate the rest of your life making right to your husband.