Hi,<p>This is just a status for those of you who feel like you are going to Plan B. In my case, after 7 months of Plan A, I finally found that I was still LBing. What triggered this was the continued contact of my H and OW at work. I finally asked him to find another job or leave. He chose to leave. In general, sounds pretty typical. We are now in our second month of Plan B.<p>For those of you considering Plan B, do as good a job at Plan A as you can - try to meet ENs and do not LB!! Then when you feel that every move is a monumental effort, and you feel YOU cannot make anymore progress on yourself, then move on to Plan B.<p>For me Plan B is a weird place to be. First of all, I have found great relief!! I may not be happy, but I'm not miserable either. It is nice to NOT have to meet someone else's EN, or consider their feelings in your every move - especially when it was unappreciated. Second, the no contact rule is key to not build those defensive walls too high...I didn't really get that rule, but it seems to work - I feel the angriest after I've had contact with him...when I don't, I can still feel reasonable about him. Third, I can better focus on myself and improvements/change in habits that need to be made. And finally, although my child desperately wishes for his former family to be intact, this one on one time with him has been priceless.<p>I feel like the ball is in his court, and as long as I stay in this "holding" pattern, nothing drastic will happen - file for D or marital R. I wrote him a very specific Plan B letter as to what it would take to begin marital recovery if he ever found he would like to - i.e. end the A. As, I wait and time goes by, I lose focus as to what I'm waiting for or for how much longer. <p>Steve H. says that doing nothing is actually doing something. So I wait and try and keep my focus!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

local,<p>Thank you so much for this timely thread! <p>As you know, I'm day 1 into Plan B. I really haven't asked for no contact, but I'm sure I will as the weeks go. Whenever we split before we were married he'd always keep his foot in the door so I'd be hopeful and little did I know he was enjoying himself with other women and never told me. I won't do that now.<p>This thread has such a positive tone to it and I need to remain as such.<p>God bless!

Hi Local:
I've been in Plan B for 7 months now...and not necessarily by choice. It definitely IS a weird place to be...<p>My H dropped the bomb and moved in w/ OW back in October - and I've barely seen or spoken to him since. In other words - he's Plan B'd me! At first I tried everything to get him to talk, meet with me etc. (begged, pleaded and so on, all the stuff you're not supposed to do), but for the last 4 months or so, I've done NOTHING - gone dark. And he never contacts me either (no kids).<p>Some days I feel paralyzed - I can't go forward and I can't go back, and I'm just so unsure of what to do. He says he wants a divorce, but he doesn't pursue it. The last time I spoke with him was 2 months ago and he said he hired a new attorney because the divorce was "taking too long"...haven't heard anything since.<p>It was comforting for me to hear that S. Harley said that even doing nothing is doing something. I just keep thinking that some day this has got to end one way another. <p>Am I going to wake up one day and say, "Ok, I've had enough. Time to divorce..."? <p>Yeah, this Plan B/no contact stuff ain't easy.

Local, <p>I am glad to hear that you are feeling better about yourself. Plan B seems scary to many (me too) but when I did it, it certainly brought the much needed relief because it put the onis back on the WS. <p>Hard not to be the giver but we can redirect that andrenline to other needed areas. Ourselves and our children for 1. <p>Take Care, it does get easier. <p>L.

Thanks for your responses - it is amazing how just having a forum to express your progress and have others understand what you are going through is so beneficial. There is great relief to know you are not alone. I found the timeline of our Plan B's to be interesting.<p>Free2BMe: you're just starting out - hang in there. My first month was the wildest roller coaster of emotions ever. Anger, frustration, hoplessness, relief, curiosity, etc. In general, I have found the best thing for me is to keep busy. So I've refocused my energy on my son, family, friends and job. By doing this, I have very little energy or time left to just stew about the situation. This was an easy way for me to stay positive.<p>Me: In month 2. holding pattern. only contact by email and only for Son issues/decisions. Like I said before - Plan B is a weird place to be...<p>Limu: Wow, 7 months...I admire your persistance. I don't know if I'll be able to "hold" for that long...I'm not that patient. <p>You know what was the best thing about Plan A is ?- I changed habits that even I thought I couldn't or wouldn't do. But after I did, it wasn't that big a deal, and it was very empowering. What I'm trying to say is that I'm confident I can create the conditions for my H or someone else to fall and stay in love with me. In fact I desperately want to try. But for now, I'm in a holding pattern. Hang in There!!!<p>Orchid: She is someone who waited Plan B out and kept the door open...and the cool thing is that someone came back and walked through it. She gives me hope.<p>Have a Great Mother's Day !

local,<p>Last night was my first night alone and I had plenty to keep me busy. The father of my 2 kids is being deployed for the next year so I had a family briefing for 3 hours then I had grocery shopping/laundry to do for when the boys come back to me (Sunday night or Monday night).<p>Tonight I'm having dinner with Discovery2000 from this site. We met face to face 2 Christmases ago and have been great friends ever since. We live about 40 minutes away from each other so we'll meet in the middle. <p>WS is stopping by later to get the rest of his stuff and then that will be it.<p>He calls me a lot and is talking about changes in his life already. I think that's too soon to be real so I shall wait and see. He had taken his wedding ring off a week ago when I took mine off, but he said today he's putting his back on until a divorce is official. He said he's going to quit drinking (which was never an issue with us), but he says it's what helped him spiril. Whatever!<p>It is amazing how one thread can give you so much support and will to keep going!<p>Thanks again!