This is my first post - I haven't had too much time to look around, but was referred here. <p>My H is in an EA with a former co-worker. He refuses to give up the relationship. This has happened twice in 5 years with the same co-worker. She goes away and then comes back.<p>Anyway, I've decided to institute Plan A this weekend. Starting tonight. Is this a good thing to do when he refuses to see that the "friendship" is a major problem? He admits that she makes him feel good about himself, made going to work fun, he's attracted to her, but she has just recently told him she is gay. Trust me, she does not act it when she is around him! Everyone is talking and I've seen them together - and obviously you know what I think. <p>I've tried setting boundaries, making demands, screaming, telling him the friendship or the marriage, nothing has worked. He insists that there is nothing wrong with being her friend, even if it breaks up his marriage.<p>How do I deal with the extreme anger without taking it out on him? What do I do when I know he has called her, or she him or seen each other? He does usually tell me after the fact.<p>Any advice would be great!
Dede

Dede10,<p>Welcome to MB ... Learn by following the General Welcome links under my signature. Read WAT quick guide for BS first. You have to learn about LB, it is a requirement if you want to save your M. Learn about the basic concept of habit, behavior, EN, LB and plan A/B.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I've tried setting boundaries, making demands, screaming, telling him the friendship or the marriage, nothing has worked. He insists that there is nothing wrong with being her friend, even if it breaks up his marriage.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Plan A is focusing on you ... make a list of complaint that your H has about you in M, then do the action item for each of them.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>How do I deal with the extreme anger without taking it out on him? What do I do when I know he has called her, or she him or seen each other? He does usually tell me after the fact.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Don't think about A ... it is hard but you have to get busy on your own, left no time to idle !. You let him no w/ no LB that you are hurt by those behavior and sooner or later it will eat whatever love you have left for H up.<p>Good luck, come back for update or more questions -RH-

Try Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.) and Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.) and Plan B - 201.<p>I include Plan A with Plan B links, since in an infidelity... there is the chance of permanent separation (what Plan B attains).<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR