Even though I have been married 14yrs, and survived 10-12 of dishonesty and cheating (found out in 10/00 that he has numerous affairs over the years).
I am having a hard time dealing with the fact its over. Even though I don't trust him and have enormous feelings of pain and its hards to let go. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster waiting for him to love me and going nuts (ranging from angry outbursts to crying/depression) trying to deal with my pain. I have held on for financial security and my general insecurity. I have dropped into (for me) rather deep depression. Consumed by what he is doing, snooping, going nuts with insecurity.<p>He is tired of me not being able to simply move on, but I never felt he undestood or empathized with the pain I felt/feel. He left OW and came home (did not ask just did it)in mid-March. Called her & got busted (she followed up w/ an email I saw) 4 weeks ago and now he wants out of the marriage. BUT says he won't move out right away & he isn't cheating, which are the same things said when he was busted in Nov 01 (with co-worker affair).<p>In need of strength that I can make it and a GOOD lawyer in IL.<p>[ May 14, 2002: Message edited by: meljac ]</p>

So sorry. It seems unbearable. Do you have kids? Be strong. He will take advantage of your soft spots/any weakness. You deserve much better. Let OW have the chronically unfaithful man.
I'm not in Illinois, but getting a lawyer, consulting and protecting yourself seems like a wise move. Remember, a consultation doesn't mean you have to file. Remember, if you seem some kind of radical change in personality you can always withdraw the D papers.
Put the ball in his court. It's up to him to fight for the marriage.
look for just a wife... she might be at divorcing/divorced. I believe she lives in Illinois, and she is Dv.<p>[ May 13, 2002: Message edited by: espoir ]</p>

Lots of hugs to you. I know how it feels to love someone so much for so long and to have that love disregarded. I wish I knew what to say, but I have yet to really grasp what has happened to me only 3 months ago to give you some real advice. Just know that there are alot of us here who care and there are plenty of hugs to go around. I will keep you in my prayers. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks for the responses. We have 3 kids (16g,11g, & 3b). My next step is trying to hold on to my sanity, so I am looking to get a mild medication to help cope for a few weeks. I know it will pass and that I will survive, I just can't see it right now.