Today is a bad day. I feel really bad and I just don't know what to do with my H. I don't even know if I Love him anymore. I have been doing Plan A since d-day 03-12-02. H promised that he would not see ow. I don't know if he is telling the truth. H is still very protective of his personal beeper. Is that a sign that the ow may still be paging him? I know that I am not suppose to ask but how else am I going to know if the A is still going on? The last time he seen the ow was about 2 weeks ago, so he says. But H is still acting weird. H is still having trouble sleeping and he also had mood swings. He can be so nice one minute then anything I do of say he hates. What the hell is going on now. It has been 2 weeks as of yesterday. When will he begin to get better? <p>H is acting so weird. Yesterday he said again that he was sorry and what a mess he has made of out family. Then he said ILY. I was floored to say the least. But then later on in the evening he was acting like a jerk. When will the fog lift? <p>Lost

I can tell you that it took my H about 2 months before he finally began to get his head out of the clouds. Unfortunately for us that by the time he began to act like a H again it was revealed that the OW is pregnant with his child. It sent us both for a loop. Now recovery seems impossible, because neither one of us knows if we are coming or going. I would say that I would still be suspicious about the pager. That was a big sign for me when my H would hide his cell phone all of the time. I wish like hell that I could take all of this away from you just like I wish my nightmare would go away. I wish that I could give you more advice than that, but I will tell you that I will keep you and your H in my prayers. I will pray that your H will realize what he is doing to you and that he is only making both of your recoveries worse. Good luck to you and come vent hear as often as you need to. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

hey lost...<p>I'm a little mired in some job and 'other' family stuff... as well as have it a bump in recovery myself...<p>feel little 'capable' of advising anyone...<p>so just [[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]] today.<p>Cali

DazedDawn,<p>I know exactly how you feel. Just when things are looking up a major BUMP comes along. Are you 100% sure about the ow? You have to find out for sure before you make yourself crazy. Do you have children? I don't know what to say about that. I am actually lost for words. I am so very sorry and I will also pray for your family. <p>What a mess. I just wish I knew for sure. H keeps telling me to check on him. But I don't want to. Does that make sense? Things are just about as crazy for me as they are for you. But I do still want to follow him, but I haven't. As far as his pager is concerned I still check it but not as often. I may just mention it in therapy when we go again. <p>I found that the less I thought about it the better I felt. It is hard to do but you can do it. When I first found out I was going to drive off a bridge. Really. But then I thought no one is going to play house with my family, especially someone with no morals or self respect. I refuse to let that happen. <p>Thank GOD I found MB and vented, vented and listened. Mostly listened. If it wasn't for MB I don't know where or what I would be doing.<p>Lost

Cali,<p>How are you? Are you o.k.? BUMPS............<p>I know exactly how you feel.<p>Hugssssssssssssssss<p>Lost

thanks lost... I am better... don't have that 'jump out of my skin' feeling today... it's not over... but at least it is another day.<p>How are you?<p>Cali

Cali,<p>What's going on? What made you jump out of your skin? Are you better now? <p>Just the other day I heard a song while driving and I just started to cry. It was terrible.... I am just o.k.. H is driving me crazy. Nice and nasty all in the same day. (Withdrawal)? I still don't know if the A is still on. I want to ask but you had said not to bring in up. So I haven't. Another thing that is bothering me is his beeper. He is so protective of it. That's why I feel that something is going on. I want to ask him that to but I don't want to LB. Should I bring it up in counseling? Or leave it alone?<p>H just started to tell me his every move and he even tells me to call and find out. But I don't want to. He also told me again that he was sorry and he even said ILY... Which floored me. But when he gets moody he says everything that I do gets on his nerves, or that he hates when I do whatever. Cali, what is that all about. I don't mean to ask all these questions I just need to know. I try not to answer him when he says things but he is really really pushing his luck.
H hasn't gone out like before either but he won't talk to me. I am the one that has to initiate conversation. I get so angry because I think oh he talked to the ow all the time, and now he won't talk to me. HOW PERFECT.......... <p>This Plan A thing is wearing me out. I can't even sleep now.<p>Lost

lost...<p>I am just worn out... jobwise (co-workers), family (mom & sisters) and (husband)... I've been plan A'ing for over a year and I need a vacation. So it was just a combination of things... the heavens were probably out of alignment too [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Cali, what is that all about. I don't mean to ask all these questions I just need to know.<hr></blockquote><p>The best I can do is recommend "Torn Asunder" by David Carder... he does a good job of explaining the recovery process for both the betrayed and the betrayer...<p>Hugs,
Cali

Cali,<p>I am going to buy the book tomorrow morning. I am happy that you are o.k. now. <p>I need some peace in my life. I can be so happy some days but when I think about it or look at my H sometimes. It comes all back to me. Like it just happened yesterday. The disbelief, that a man that I though I knew so well could ever hurt me so much.<p>Thank Cali,<p>Lost