Do they really love the ow the leave us for? What wakes them up?

I think it is more of a lust thing. I don't know. I don't think they even know. It just makes me sick. I am so tired of it all.<P>~Woozy

This question came up quite a while back... As a newbie to all of this plan A, I ran to my husband and asked him if it was "real" love.<P>(He openly admitted to affairs he had in his first marriage - that he was willing to talk to me about.... denied the one in our marriage...) His response was that it was not real love, but a "fantasy" love. My words would be a counterfeit love. It's not the real McCoy, but can fool even the wisest of them all. <P>It takes time to get over, just as real love as well. The only thing is - is that later - after the healing, they will then label it fantasy/counterfeit and have the feeling of shame and foolishness to deal with also.<P>You never have shame and foolishness to deal with when it is a respectable relationship - such as marriage, but an affair - well that just isn't acceptable in anyone's conscience forever. Only for a time.<P>I had a pastor define sin once. He called it "short lived pleasure". That is the same for affairs. It feels like forever when you are betrayed, but compared to a lifetime, it is hardly any time whatsoever.<P>

FWIW, Dr. Ellen Kreidman, author of the Light His Fire / Light Her Fire books, has an interesting take on this. She says that the straying spouse is not so much in love with the OP, as they are in love with the way the OP makes them feel about themselves.<P>Maybe it's a subtle difference, but I think it might explain some of the attraction.

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