My H has in essencse planned B me, and about everyone else, based on advice from his counselor. He still comes around about once a week to see me, and I Plan A it when he comes around. He has filed for divorce, but states that it is just a legal piece of paper and doesn't mean that we can't get back together one day and still wants to be friends. I love it when he comes around, but find myself about 4 or 5 days later missing him really bad and just as I get over that, he comes back around to see me for a little bit (he usually stays no more than an hour). His comment the last time around was that sometimes you have to tear something completely down in order to rebuild it, and he wants to start seeing me after the divorce is finalized. He hugged and kissed me about 5 times before leaving, like he couldn't get enough of me before leaving. It was very strange, but a good strange, I haven't felt a "spark" like that from him in such a long time.<p>So my question is, in order to keep myself from getting so down after his visits, should I just put a stop to him coming around? Ask him not to? Last night was bad,the last I saw him was Monday night and I have a hard time on the weekends, compared to the week days when I have work to keep me busy. A thousand thoughts go through my head, like what is he doing tonight, where is he at and who is he with? Even though he has promised me that he is not seeing her anymore, but that they have talked a time or two since she dumped him. As a matter of fact, she is the one who told him just because you get a divorce doesn't mean that you can't get married again one day. Should I do this to protect myself now, or should I continue to pursue Plan A whenever I have a chance to?

Sorry I don't have an answer for you. I'm going through a very similar situation, except my WH, who left, calls me several times a day. It's very confusing!
I'll be interested to see what kind of responses you get.
Good luck!
KK

Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter any more, I'm getting the divorce papers to look over tonight.<p>I've done this all for nothing. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me for a while. He wants to be free and clear of me, free to do what ever he wants to do. So with a signature all my dreams are being destroyed.<p>Someone told me on here to continue to meet all those emotional needs for him up to 2 years after the divorce. I don't think I can do it. I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much.

thebetrayedone,<p>There are many reason why WS plan B'ng BS. Mine is for her not to deal with the reality ... yours is the d@mn!@#$ MC. see the last posting of Forgiver in JFO, their MC is advising total separation. IMVHO, we should post their name in here and make sure that no other MB'er will put them self though it.<p>BS has to plan A as long as they could handle it, still have to work on "changes", and WS doesn't reject BS's plan A. Just hang in there since A is crumbleing. Do you have a lot of resenment to OW ?. Do you think you could handle talking to OW ?. Think about it, specially if she stopped the A. Talk to her if she is willing to help you out to NC you H out. Talk to you conselor and see what she/he has to say about it. You ned a lot of preparation and guidance to do that.<p>Good luck -RH-

Well, today has been the day from hell! After posting this message this morning, I go to check my email and find that someone hacked into my H's and mine email accounts and sent me either a re-typed letter or copy of emails my H and OW ever sent to each other, along with emails that my H and a mutual female friend had sent to each other(those are funny though, because they sound all secretive, but they are from when they were planning my surprise Birthday party!) Talk about devestating! But it did fill in some spaces I hadnt' been able to figure out. After calling my H at work to ask him about these things, the OW called him about 10 minutes later and she had received every email I had ever sent to my H. When I got home just now, the emails that I saved for my H to see this evening are all gone, deleted compelety. Talking about feeling as if my privacy has been invaded.
So after that, my H comes by my work and gives me the papers. Now all of a sudden he does not have an urgent need for me to sign them, told me to only sign them when I was able to. They misspelled my name on all of them (maybe that's a sign?), so really they are basically just a rough draft. We had a good long talk and I stood strong. Told him he didn't know what he was doing, could see through him and all the lies, but I did it in a nice manner. He just kept saying I deserved better, deserved someone who would treat me better and take care of me better, and wouldn't do what he has done to me. That he hopes with these paper that he will never have to see me cry again and know it's because of him. He told me to look into his eyes while he told me he wasn't in love with me any more and asked me what I saw. I told him I saw nothing but an expression of "is she buying it?", I was right. I told him he didn't fall out of love with me, that he fell in love with someone else, and it had that fresh feeling that felt good, but when it came right down to it, that he was still in love with me. We talked about alot of other things, and I just see that he is still torn about what to really do. I told him he was keeping me on a little string so that he could go out and if things didn't work out the way he thought, that he could real me back in, he admitted to this as well.
So, we walked away, shook hands, and I told him I was going into a hibernation now, that he wouldn't be hearing from me for a while, that I had to get myself straightened out. He obviously doesn't know what he wants, so I hope that the saying of "by doing nothing, you are doing something" will work. I'm getting off the emotional rollercoaster he has put me on for the last 5 months. I just don't think I could take another low dip. I'm not signing those papers, I'm not contacting him. Now, I just have to wait and see what happens. I think I hit home though on some points to him. Now I am going to do what he has done to me as far as the making plans and standing me up and things like that. I need to take back control of this ride, if I don't, I don't know that I can be strong any more.

BTW, contacting the OW is NOT an option, unless I want to end up in jail! She suspossedly has a restraining order against me. Has accused me of vandalizing her car and making harrassing phone calls to her work. Maybe with this new email situation, she will realize I didn't do those things. Not that it matters now, but she was also once a very close friend of mine. Mostly it just sucks not being able to go around where she works/lives, there is some good shopping and nightlife out there, but the other good side is I have to work out in that area sometimes too, so I get paid extra mileage because I have to drive around the area to avoid her, and my boss has no problems with this! <p>See, always trying to look at my glass 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty!