I have posted here before, but mostly I have been just reading everyone else's posts, trying to get some tips and just some encouragement to keep on trying Plan A. Some days are so hard, especially today. H makes me wander if it is worth it at all to try. I love him and I know I want to make our marriage work. We are in the process of getting a seperation, but we are still living together. He doesn't want to get a divorce, just a seperation for now. He insists that he doesn't want to even try anymore and that he doesn't love me anymore. He is in love with OW. She lives 5 states away and they can't be together. It is an EA now, but a few years ago it was a PA. It hurts so much more when it is emotional.
She called our home today and ever since he got off of the phone with her he has been in a bad mood and is taking his frustration out on me. Most days everything is really good. We get along better than we have in a year or so. He won't tell me he loves me and he won't kiss me, but by his actions, I feel like he still loves me. I haven't told him I love him since he told me about A, should I tell him that I love him or will that make it worse. Thanks for listening, it feels so much better now that I have gotten this out. My friends and family don't know anything about A or seperation. Everyone thinks that we are the perfect couple. They don't even suspect anything. One of H's friends told him the other day the he had an awesome wife and H just looked guiltily at me and changed the subject. Okay, I guess I have gone on long enough.

Truthfully? Why are you putting up with his crap? If you are working toward a separation then boot him out of the house.<p>Are there kids involved here?<p>If not, then why have him stick around? Are you truly happy living in a relationship where your chasing a guy who doesn't give you the light of day?<p>If there are kids involved what kind of an example are you setting for them? Kids learn from their parents actions, by having your spouse live with you while he cheats on you, whether it is a PA or EA, is showing your kids that this behavior is OK, when it isn't.<p>You maybe hanging on because of fears of being alone and having to make it on your own. That truly is a scary situation, but why not grab control of the situation before it hits you head on when you're not expecting it?<p>You don't sound happy. Your needs aren't being met and you shouldn't have to take that crap. Everyone needs to be touched, admired, and loved. Are you truly happy in a relationship where you are getting none of this?<p>Just my thoughts!

Alexisn1999, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. My prayers are with you. My story is similar but my husband moved out. Sometimes I think it was easier that way. He couldn't see me break down. I know it is hard but continue trying to be nice. Don't say anything you will regret. I am not saying be a "pushover". But, if you have kids you are going to have to deal with him along time whether you are married to him or not. If you feel like you need to tell him you love him, do so. Don't let anyone else tell you how to feel or act. Everyone wants to give advice, including me. Follow your heart. Read everything you can about affairs. The library are full of good books. Try and find a way to protect your emotions.<p>You didn't say how long this has been going on. It is a long distance affair. Some of the thrill is that it is long distance and they talk on the phone. But, long distance phone bills don't keep you warm at night. Keep hoping and praying. Take one day at a time.

Hi,<p>My H and I separated 2 weeks ago. The hurt is just now starting to settle in. Mostly because I wasn't sure if he andhis latest OW (coworker) would hook up, but it appears they may be.<p>I'm glad we finally separated. It took me until this morning to ask for no contact from him. I'm hoping to finally take the necessary steps to heal myself now that I won't have him giving me false hopes anymore.<p>I'm sure it's painful thinking your H is leaving you, but think of it as temporary until you can deal with this issue. I just read in a thread of schurts that her H's fog is lifted, he wants his family, and they aregoingto counseling soon. Tis doesn't have to be the end of your marriage, but let it be an end to the torment you feel being in the house with him knowing what his deal is.<p>I wish you all the best!

I have stayed as long as I have because of the kids. I really love him. If I move out we will be going to my parents home which is about 1600 miles away. I don't want to take the kids(3 year old and 2 month old) so far away from their dad. I was supposed to leave a couple of days after he told me about A, but he asked me to stay for another month and now he has asked me to stay indefinitely.
He has known the OW since before we met. We have been married for 5 years and together for 7. When we met he was dating her, but she was 14 and he was 18. So they were more friends than anything else. Well they have talked on and off through our marriage . He said that he doesn't know exactly when his feelings for her changed.<p>Although he keeps asking me to stay longer, he still talks to her. We get along perfectly most days. We were supposed to go to the legal department(he is military) to file for seperation about a month ago and he keeps putting that off too. The OW sent him a roundtrip ticket to go see her for a week . He says that he is going but he isn't going to use any of our money for it. Like that makes it okay. He says that he is going to be staying with her friends that are married with children. OW still lives with her parents (she is only 20)
Thanks for your help

It saddens me that this is happening in your marriage. Please don't believe everything he tells you. My H is good at telling me he wants our marriage and to reconcile yet still be with OW. I'm sure he's telling her I'm pursuing him and he doesn't want the marriage.<p>Please take care of yourself!