Hi,<p>My Wh and I finally separated, but I just couldn't bring myself to asking for no contact from him. We would see each other briefly from time to time and yesterday we spent most of the day together. We had a great day doing some yard work, errands, walked in the park, and we were intimate. He kept saying how much he enjoyed the walk in the park.<p>Then he calls complaining he had to go get his kids since exw wouldn't bring them. He said he was at their house so we ended the call. 30 minutes later I se his son on-line (only has computer at mom's). He tells me my H was getting them later as he was going to a baseball game.<p>I call H's cell phone and he says son wasn't home from friends house so he was hanging out in town waiting to get him. Lie!<p>H calls me at 11 pm and I ask how the game was. I think he was shocked I knew about it. He didn't offer up any details. I said good bye.<p>This morning he calls saying he lied because we had such an awesome day he didn't want to ruin it.<p>I told him we should have no contact and we hung up!<p>I also talked to my H's grandmother and I didn't share too many details about our separation, but she let on that my H's cousin also lies quite a bit and she doesn't believe too much of what he says. She seemed to understand where I was coming from without me saying much.<p>I was doing so good for 2 weeks detaching from my H, but now the realization is setting in.<p>Thanks for letting me vent!

Hi, <p>How are you doing today?<p>L.

Hi, Orchid,<p>Thanks for the reponse! I was beginning to think everyone was on vacation for the long weekend.<p>I spent the day alone as my kids are with their dad. My H stopped by around 1 this afternoon and took the bikes. Not much was said, he gave me a hug and then he was gone.<p>I feel like such a fool for falling for his lies for the past 4 years. I really thought he was "the one" and we would live happily ever after.<p>Why does it bug me that he's out there having fun and acting as though our lives didn't just cease existing and I'm here virtually mourning the loss of our marriage. I have zero motivation although once the boys come home tomorrow I'll need to get my butt off the couch. For the first time in my life I can't wait to go to work - if it wasn't for work I don't know if I'd get out of the house.<p>I'm so lonely and I miss having him next to me at night. I miss his touch and his frienship. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>A divorce is inevitable as I see it! I wish time would fly by so I wouldn't have to feel so badly.<p>Thanks again fo taking time out of your weekend to respond.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Free2BMe:
<strong>Hi,<p>..........I also talked to my H's grandmother and I didn't share too many details about our separation, but she let on that my H's cousin also lies quite a bit and she doesn't believe too much of what he says. She seemed to understand where I was coming from without me saying much.<p>I was doing so good for 2 weeks detaching from my H, but now the realization is setting in.<p>Thanks for letting me vent!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi F2bme,<p>Well don't assume all is right in 'paradise A'. It may only appear that way . You above statment is a key. <p>At this time, it may help if you learn to recognize your support sources. As close as your children and can extend even to strangers, the dog or cat, even a neighbory child or even something in the news....... U never know. <p>This A thing and his state of mind is not just for you to see but others have also. WS' don't like others knowing their dirty secret. But that is probably the best thing for them....to expose the secret. We have all heard about others in the same boat, why should he be any different? <p>In the meantime, you keep you head held high and move forward. Maybe he will wisen up!<p>L.

Hello, again,<p>I keep obsessing over thoughts of the two of them together. I don't even know for sure if they are together, but I envision them at his new apartment laughing and having a great time at my expense.<p>I know I set myself up with his talk of reconciliation. I really thought he would do everything to make that happen. I had those darn expectations and I fell on my face.<p>Again, thanks for being around this weekend!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Free,<p>You wrote
I'm so lonely and I miss having him next to me at night. I miss his touch and his frienship. <p>I feel so much the same way. It stormed so bad last night and my son get scared so I had both him and my daughter in bed with me, just so I would not feel so alone. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I keep obsessing over thoughts of the two of them together. I don't even know for sure if they are together, but I envision them at his new apartment laughing and having a great time at my expense. Again, I do the same thing. The other thing I do, I don't believe anything he says. With good reason.<p>Hang in there.

It's so nice knowing I'm not alone in these thoughs and obsessions. This must be normal.<p>I don't believe anyting my H says either so why is it so hard to let him go?

GREAT question. We can't believe them, they have hurt us beyond belief, why can't we let go? I ask my-self that about a million times a day. Is my head so thick that nothing gets in? Am I a fool or idiot? Am I a glutten for punishment? Am I just weak? Am I so insecure and lack that much self-esteem? Do I really love him that much? Is it really love? I can go on and on. <p>One thing I know, I still see good in him and us. I think that is the hardest part. He has come back so many times, he want's this marriage (I think) but is to weak to do what needs to be done to make it work.<p>The self-esteem part is really a big thing for me. And knowing my H left me for another women does not help. She hates me and from some of the stunts I have pulled over the last few weeks probably thinks I am a pshyco and why wouldn't my H want to leave me. So that hurts too. I want her to see me a this great women and I want her to wonder why my H would pick her over me. I want her to lack the self-esteem.<p>God I hate this.

Don't beat yourself up over what you have done lately. Today is a new day and try to show others the self-respect you have. I have done things that I regret - like fight vocally for my marriage and my H - but now I am silent and I think that says more.<p>I do think we hurt more because they are with other women and I have to remind myself that some of the smartest beautiful women have been cheated on.<p>I may be unhappy and lonely right now and it may appear that my H is having a good time and not suffering, but that fun will end when it all sinks in, when he realizes the family he let go just for a bit of animalistic passion and fun. In the end it will be him who is suffering.<p>I know that once my H settles down with a new woman, the newness will wear off and she will be in the shoes I've been wearing. She'll know what I went through when he left me for her and perhaps she'll hang her head and call me to comiserate. That would be a great day for me.<p>I have unchristian thoughts at times and I'm not proud of them, but I don't act on them - it gets me through each day one step at a time.<p>Keep your head up. Take care of YOU!