ok the quick run down.<BR>six years and two pregnancies,one child after I cheated on my H he said he couldnt live with it any more,ok didnt like it but I was the one who hurt him, I moved 4000 miles away just cuz he ask me to, in november he comes to see me and the kids (2) and said things were great and he still loves me, wants to get back tougher, but dont know if he wants to put fourth the effort, I have made my case well he says and now it is just up to him and I cant help him with what he has to do, I ask him if it is what he wants why dont he just take it? I get I don't know.<BR>I know he loves me and is fateful to me, He is comming back in march for another visit and I want so badly for the kids and I to return with him.<BR>dose any one know what he is going through,or any way I can help him I love him so much and hate to see him go through this alone.<P>Thanks <P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

LMS,<P>Have him get <B>and read</B> the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A>. Have him get online here at the forum.<P>Being honest with him, in <B>him</B> knowing that rebuilding your marriage will take work, is important.<P>Hearing/seeing the kind of love that people on this forum talk about may be even more important!<P>Prayers don't hurt either... <P>Jim

thanks jim I have tried to get him to go online at work to here but he sees this as his problum and its no ones buisness but his he is very closed off to other people always has been I dont know if he will get the book but if he dose will barns and noble have it?<BR>thanks again <BR>and dont worry I pray every night on this<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

LMS,<P>Yes, Barnes and Noble carry many of Harley's books including this one. There are many people here that know what your H is going through. And for that matter what you are going through. This is a slow time of year, but keep posting. I suspect you will more advice than you can process . Please, read the book the NSR has recommended it will help a lot. Also read the information on this site. Finally, if you go to Barnes and Noble, also get "His Needs/Her Needs" by same author. It may give you some insight to what has happened in your marriage and what needs to happen in your marriage.<P>If you get the chance and feel like it, more details of the situation would be very helpful in replying to your post with useful suggestions.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>JL

Ok six years ago six months after the birth of our son I cheated on my H I feel there were a lot of different things that led up to it but a few were I had not seen my H since our son was 2 months old (H is in the military) then I get home and H volunteers 4 days later to go on another 4 month assignment 6 days later. I felt it was because he didn’t want me(I had gained alot of weight) and our son, a “friend” helped fuel my fears and told me the guys were going to get my H very drunk and take him to a whore house, and that my H had confided in him he was still in love with a previous lust, I was 19 and alone for the first time in my life with a new baby, he wrote me once and called twice in four months(I always went home when he left before) I know that is not an excuse for what I did, there isn’t one. But that same friend (admitted later it was intentional) got me drunk one night and I ended up cheating on my H. I didn’t tell him for a year and I don’t know why I did finally tell him but I did and we got through it I thought, then last July when I thought things couldn’t get any better between us he told meout of the clear blue sky he didn’t love me any more and wanted a divorce I did all of the crying, begging and pleading, but in the end I decided to give him his space and move back to Missouri from Alaska like he ask me to do. We talk on the phone about four times a week and write letters he cane to visit in November, and things went well he said he still loved me and loved the time we spent tougher, but then he goes back and now is telling me that he wants us to get back tougher but he don’t know if he can if he wants to put the effort into it and he said he seen some changes in me for the better (I used to get really defensive) while he was here and it is not me he said it all up to him now and I cant help him. He says he know how much I love him and that he knows that our children need him as much as me, but I cant help feeling helpless. <BR>Ok any questions let me know I think I got it all <P>thanks <BR>Lesa<P><BR>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P><p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited December 30, 1999).]

in case I dont get back here tomorrow Happy new year everyone <BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Lesa,<P>I wish I had the magic words to say.<P>The two books suggested are a must.<BR>Two more are:Love Busting by Dr.H and Divorce busting by Michele Weiner-Davis.<P>Are you a person of faith?<P>This is where my strength comes from.<BR>Everyone else here that I've gotton to know has encouraged me more than I can say.<P>Are you in any kind of counceling?<P>I started w/Steve Harley today. He gave me a specific plan to follow. I found him very intuitive.<P>Me personaly I believe one person can save a marriage. It is going to take alot of patience and focus not to drift off course. The path to recovery is very narrow and is filled with ruts and potholes.<P>My faith in God, allowing Him to lead the way and Me not doing His job for Him will work. Steve told me today how to do that. It is real simple, commit <B>zero</B> lovebusters. This will more than likely be the hardest thing I will ever do in my life.<BR>Do I think it's worth it? I wouldn't be here if I didn't.<P>Keep posting and replying.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Lesa,<P>I also include this prayer in my daily prayers.. <P>1. Strength<BR>2. Peace of mind<BR>3. And I think you mentioned it up above somewhere but you bet I prayed for God to make things difficult for them.<BR>4. I prayed for God to speak to his heart and shield us both from the anger & influence that Satan would inflict on both of us.<BR>5. Then I prayed that my H would listen to his heart and hear His instructions.<P><BR>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Lesa,<P>I also include this prayer in my daily prayers.. <P>1. Strength<BR>2. Peace of mind<BR>3. And I think you mentioned it up above somewhere but you bet I prayed for God to make things difficult for them.<BR>4. I prayed for God to speak to his heart and shield us both from the anger & influence that Satan would inflict on both of us.<BR>5. Then I prayed that my H would listen to his heart and hear His instructions.<P><BR>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Lesa,<P>I also include this prayer in my daily prayers.. <P>1. Strength<BR>2. Peace of mind<BR>3. And I think you mentioned it up above somewhere but you bet I prayed for God to make things difficult for them.<BR>4. I prayed for God to speak to his heart and shield us both from the anger & influence that Satan would inflict on both of us.<BR>5. Then I prayed that my H would listen to his heart and hear His instructions.<P><BR>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Sorry my ISP bugged out<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

yes bill I pray every night for our family and some of the others I have met on here since july. I was seeing a counsler but she wasnt for me (in my opinion she was no good for any one) She always wanted me to get and stay angry at my H, wanted me to let the kids believe that since daddy was not here he was a bad daddy (couldn’t be farther from the truth) I just got that bill paid and after the new year plain to try to find another in this VERY rual area.<P>That’s how I feel that even though he says he wants it I’m the only one working at it, I try to not let it anger me and pray for the stringth to keep my anger in check, but it is taxing .<BR>I thank you for what you have said and hope you will keep me poasted on your situation. I’ll add you to my prayers.<BR>Take care and God bless<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Lesa,<P>If you need a councelor, Steve Harley was most insightful.<P>I talked w/him via telephone and I tell you it was one of the best sessions I've had w/any councelor.<P>These methods on MB go against all logic and reason. He says he gets great results.<P>Check it out.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I would bill but I'm on a really tight budget right now, I cant find a job that don’t want me to work nights and weekends, I know that sounds selfish but my oldest child is really taking the separation hard (acting out at home and in school) and that is the only time I have to spend with him and I don’t want him feeling like he doesn’t have either parent around. So right now we have to make the $400.00 a month that H sends go a very long way, I really want to talk with Dr. Harley but it will have to wait unfortunately. <BR>I listen to the radio programs and I plan a trip into town next week to look at the library to see if they have his books, I am planning on trying to save enough to have a session with him and I hope I can do it this March when H is here. I don’t know if H would agree to talk with him like I said earlier he is a very privet person (he didn’t want to even see the chaplain) but I’ll do anything at this point.<P>I know what you mean about the Drugs and alcohol that would be shuch an easy out of the pain. , I even tried suicide but after the failed attempt (Gods hand at work) I knew I couldn’t give up on my family and most of all I found out if I truly loved my H and my children I could never even think of that again, So I looked at my self and I seen the things I didn’t like about my self and I did something about them, I changed what I didn’t like, it was easy, I seen what I didn’t like I told my self “I don’t like this” And then I changed it to what I did like. But like I said drugs and alcohol are not for me I’ll stick with my diet coke, I even quit smoking a month ago not for him but for me (but it did make him happy) <P>I truly hope you have a very happy new year.<BR>Thank You and God Bless.<BR>And I hope every one on this board gets what they dream and pray for this comming new year!<BR> <BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P><p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited December 31, 1999).]

I talked to H tonight and he said he might come to the board, I hope so I think It may do him some good to see that others feel the same way he does.<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Smoking is my last vice, and I'm clinging ti it desparetly.<P>My new hobbie is sitting in front of my comp chain smoking talking to all the wonderful people hear.<P>As far as affording Steve H:<P>I don't have the money either, however I'm only looking at two or three sessions w/him. So $270.00 seems like a good investment.<P>Beg borrow and steal if you have to. March is a long way off. You may be able to avoid some serious LBing, if you can talk w/him.<P>It is money well spent I assure you.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{LESA}}}}<P>Talk to us.<P><BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I'm here<BR>so how is everyone's new year so far, I mean shoot it has to get better than last year.<BR>I so want to call H rihgt now, the kids are in bed and I am alone,I hate this lost feeling. Like I told him I use to not quite know about the words "soul mate" But now, I know what the word is because i have this hole in me that fits his shadow just right, I know that sounds silly and needy but it is ture I need him and I'm not afraid to admit it, to him or any one else. Darn it I just feel so helpless, and thats one feeling I dont like.<BR>sorry but this is the best I can do for now (kind down in the dumps) <BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

Lesa, I think we've all been there. Myself quite alot. Stay strong!!!!

Thanks Mitzi, I'm better today, amassing what sleep will do when you seem to get less and less every night, Some times I am so stressed out I lock my self in the closet and just sit there in the dark away from the kids and every thing else, My kids miss there dad very much and are very clingy to me I’m talking hang on my clothes clingy, and that’s every day on most days I can take it but on my bad ones where all I want to do is call H and beg him to come back, I just want to hide, I know that must sound terrible.H is supposed to call to day and talk to the kids for a bit and then we usually talk for 30 minutes or so I am going to try not to do any LBing while on the phone I know he probably just wants to chitchat so that’s what I am going to do. Wish me luck!!!<P>Lesa<BR>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P><p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited January 02, 2000).]