This is what I emailed to my WH today. I know it's very vague and sounds as though I want to go straight to divorce. At the time, I did want a divorce, but spoke with some Christian ladies on a SA site and I decided to sit tight and just do my own healing.<p>Anyway, here's what I sent and should I talk with H to set up a plan for time length etc., so we both know what to expect?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Dear WH,<p>I guess you can consider this your no contact letter! I had rehearsed what I was going to say to you this morning and even wanted to talk last night, but it just never comes out when we&#8217;re talking or when we see each other.<p>I need to heal and recover and being in contact with you hinders any positive steps I&#8217;ve taken. I don&#8217;t know why you feel the need to continually lie to me. You didn&#8217;t need to call me Friday night and lie to me about what you were doing &#8211; there was no reason for you to call let alone go on about having to get the boys. That&#8217;s what bugged me about that &#8211; not that you went to a ball game with Christie.<p>I feel sad because I know you are continuing your life and getting your needs met and I&#8217;m home wishing you were the person I thought you were. I know that no matter how much you think you&#8217;re happy, you are still lost and empty (your words to Julie and Kim). I don&#8217;t think you will ever find what you&#8217;re looking for &#8211; no woman can make you happy or fulfill you. Until you look in the mirror and stop lying to yourself, you will never find peace and joy in your life.<p>In the end, once I go through the grieving process, I will be happy and fulfilled. I don&#8217;t choose to have someone in my life who claims to love me yet continues to lie, cheat and betray me. That is not love &#8211; that is not marriage! Why should I betray MYSELF by allowing you to sleep with others then make love to me. Why should I betray MYSELF by allowing you to disrespect and **** on me?<p>I don&#8217;t wish you ill will! I do love you, WH, and I wish for you to heal yourself from your past and confront your demons. You have refused to do this because that was part of your game. I&#8217;m pulling myself out of your game &#8211; I refuse to play the part of Mrs. Buckman (his mom)! You need to take responsibility for your own actions. You even said it a few months ago that even young kids know right from wrong and can make the decision to do right. <p>I don&#8217;t believe a word you say to me! Your words and actions are so vastly different and it&#8217;s the actions that speak the truths to me.<p>May God bless your days and guide your ways!<p>All My Love<hr></blockquote>

Hi F2B<p>I am in a very similar situation and need to know how long did you wait to write this letter. It has been 8 weeks since the DD, and I am not sure I have the courage to write this letter though we are on NO contact since last 5 days. <p>Will apprecaite your feedback.
TheLION

My story is a long one! I have been here at MB for some 3+ years. I started when my H and I were dating (search uder LadyK) and he thought I was having an EA.<p>All the red flags were there and I saw them, but I refused to see them (if that makes any sense).<p>My 1st dday was in January 2000, just 1 week before our wedding. He had a 1 night PA after a 5 month EA. I thought it was a one time thing as he was remorseful.<p>Since we got married we have had a new dday about every 4-6 months like clock work - different OW, same story. In the beginning they were women from out-of-state and didn't pose that great a threat to me or our marriage.<p>The last 2 OW were local and th last one was/is his coworker. That about did me in right there. He knew she was after him for years and we had discussed her situation, but he finally got to close for comfort.<p>My H is a relationship/love addict! He craves that newlove feeling so I'm just now getting it that he'll never be satisfied with me or our "comfortable old shoe" marriage.<p>So it has been 2+ yearssince the first dday. I'm sure there were things going on before, but we weren't under the same roof so it was easier for him.<p>We have been separated for 3 weeks, but rally have only had no contact by my wishes for 4 days. He has made contact, but I have stuck to my guns.<p>This plan B letter (and a poor one at that) is my first time putting it in writing and actually sending it to him.<p>Like I said, he hasn't responded to this. Do you have any thoughts? I know it's very vague!<p>Thanks for the response!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Free,<p>I think you letter is great. I think the only thing that is missing are the exact words of what you want NO CONTACT. You need to spell out that you do not want to see him, talk to him, etc. At least that's what I think. I can read that in you letter but it's not clear to someone who has no idea what a Plan B letter is all about. Too many times we (everyone) say want we want but yet don't say it in a way the other will understand. Does that make any sense?<p>Good luck. I think I may use some of your words for my letter.

Good morning, n2bh,<p>My H is very aware of the MB concepts, plans and no contact letter. It says what it is in the very first sentance and I wrote it that way b/c he does no what a no contact letter is (he's written one before to OW, but never abided by it, it was eye candy for me).<p>Please use what you want.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Free,<p>Sorry, hope you did not take my response wrong. I do think you letter was great. My H has not idea what MB is all about or a no contact letter. He was asked to write one to OW but refused. One reason I never pushed was for exactly what your wrote, figured he would do it for me and then run to her and say he did not mean it. Not sure he would understand what I truly ment unless I spelled it out word for word.

I am so full of rage right now - out of the blue! I want to email this OW and ask who the heck she thinks she is. I won't, but I really, really want to. I guess this no contact is allowing me to feel the feelings I had stuffed for so long.<p>Thanks for all your support lately!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hang tight and don't e-mail her, it won't help. This coming from the fool that called the OW. <p>I set up an IM account with Yahoo. Let me know if you can use that?

hello Free2BMe:<p>Dont do that just hang tight, I am in Plan B and it hurts but you have to keep patience.<p>Your letter is great, as long as your H know NO CONTACT thats good. Please keep patience and do not try to contact him, I have the same exact feeling like you to reach for my W but at some point they have to realized that and peek out of the FOG into the real world.<p>My prayers and sympathies, hugs and laughters with you.<p>THELION

Hi,<p>Okay - those rage feelings have passed! I've called just about every other woman as I find out about her. I've called Indiana, downstate and within our work building. I emailed most of them and actually became friends with 2 (although one couldn't handle the pain of not emailing my H so she's dropped out of site). I've done it all when it comes to the OW. Good for you for calling her - she had NO RIGHT medling in your marriage.<p>[ May 29, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

Good afternoon, TheLion,<p>The emotions have passed for the most part. This woman knows exactly how I feel so it's a moot issue. <p>I feel good that I didn't crack under pressure and contact my H. He hasn't contacted me at all - not even to question the NC letter. I was expecting him to call asking whether it meant I wanted to go straight for divorce. That's the only thing I regret about the letter - I was specific. I felt like I wanted the divorce at that moment, but I don't know what I want. I'm not going to do anything rash. I'm quite certain, though, that he will never change.<p>Thanks for your support and you hang in there too! I'm glad I'm not alone in all this.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Free2BMe:<p>No you are not alone in all this crap, we all are in the same boat, HOLD on to the D word if you are not sure, just take your time and relax, go out of town, do some shopping and try to chill, it has worked for me and might work for you.<p>Hang Tight!
TheLion

Got it.

It's so amazing how up and down I still find myself towards my marriage. I always joked that I white knuckled it when we were together and I'm finding I still tend to do that.<p>For the most part I feel pretty good. During the week I'm extremely busy from 5:30 AM until 9 PM. It keepsme focused and I really don't have time to think about what was and what never will be.<p>Thanks for the support!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Today I sent my H his mail since he hasn't been by to get it (I did ask for no contact).<p>I put a brief note in the envelope that simply stated that I didn't have plans to contact a lawyer and I would discuss it with him first if I did decide to. I said that he may choose that and I would accept his choice. I also stated that I would still consider reconcilling if that's what he chose. I said I would work on my list of requirements so I'd be prepared if/when the timecame. Again, I said he may choose not to reconcile and I would accept that choice.<p>I feel better since my first letter was so vague and pretty much sounded as though divorce was inevitable.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Good evening.
Keep it up, you are doing just fine and are going to make it. The note sounded fine, just sit back and see what he does.

Thank you! I'm feeling weak this morning as the week winds down and the weekend approaches. I don't like when I have too much down time on my hands. Luckily we have little league games spattered throughout the weekend.<p>Thanks for your continued support!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]