Hi, all,<p>As we know Plan B is more minute by minute than day by day. A I type I'm listening to JoDee Messina with Tim McGraw singing "Bring On The Rain". It's truly a beautiful song if you haven't heard it.<p>Today I received a 3-page hand written letter from my WH in the mail. I have longed for a letter from him for so long. I ued to get them when we dated, before we each had email, but they stopped long ago.<p>In the letter he says he's changed so much over the past year that he doesn't even recognize himself. He says the no contact is very, very hard (he feels flu like) and that he never wanted to leave me, this was not what he wanted, but undestands why it's happening.<p>Not once did he say he was sorry and I'm okay with that right now. It actually didn't dawn on me until just now (9 hours after reading the letter). He isn't in a place right now for that.<p>He said he was going to be doing counseling and focusing on his boys. He wished me well and my boys well.<p>I don't have my hopes up. I just don't know if I could ever trust him again, but I'm hopeful he'll get the needed counseling to deal with his childhood and make peace with his mom. I want this for him and I know he'll find much peace and joy once this happens.<p>I love my H with all my heart and soul - if you love something - set it free!<p>God bless!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Sounds like Plan B is working for you. I wish you well and hope that the fog lifts soon.

Hi F2bme,<p>U are doing good. Plan B hurts but he is admitting to seeing and feeling the pain. Also his admission of not even knowing himself is a big step in the fogland. <p>Keep up the good work. My H used to talk that way then the apologies came later. I did not downplay them at all. <p>Hugz,

N2BH,<p>Thank you for the continued support. I'm starting to wish I'd gone to Plan B a year ago. <p>Orchid,<p>I'm glad to see you respond. You have been through this and seem to be recovering nicely so I look to you as the expert.<p>Some people believe my H is just a big jerk, but I know the man I fell in love with is buried inside himself. I do believe he's a lost soul and has major issues in which he needs to deal with from childhood. I spoke with his maternal grandmother last week and she acknowledged the lying and that he needs counseling to come to terms with his mothr. His mom abused him and now I think he's looking for her love and affection in so many women.<p>It still hurts, because I'm not his mother so I don't deserve this. I get angry at her at times, but I don't show it.<p>I will probably see him today at a surprise birthday party for our maid of honor. I don't think I'll feel awkward or anything, but I'll only be there a few hours so I have a baseball game to go to if I do feel weird or too sad.<p>I do need to restress the no contact. He felt the need to call me last night around 9:30 pm. He said it was good to tal with me again, which it is good to talk with him, but I can't jeopordize the affects of Plan B.<p>Thanks agian, both of you, for popping in.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Free,<p>Well you still sound good!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am by no means no expert. Just been here a while, read and post a lot. My H came from what I would call an dysfunctional family. Major like. 12 kids and the 10 left living all have issues. Both his parents have had A's and H has a 1/2 sister about 6 weeks younger that he located and met about 2 years before we got married. In addition to that he has abandonment issues that came up in the A. One of the foggy excuses was that he wanted to leave me before I left him. I never gave him that thought because it had not crossed mine but he put it in his brain and it spilled out of his mouth. U bet I was mad at his parents and even told them so. They are better parents now but there is too much past to fix. <p>But H had to figure it out himself. I helped a bit but he really wasn't listening. At least for the moment. He did recall my words but it was about 2 weeks behind (on an average). Can U believe that? Boy was my patience tested. I had to keep remembering what I had said 2 weeks before. Talk about hard! LOL! But I survived and I know you will also. <p>Take care,

Hi,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>One of the foggy excuses was that he wanted to leave me before I left him.<hr></blockquote><p>My H said this too and I don't understand. I had fear of rejection and abandonement, but I never had that thought. I know my parents are still together and never had to experience divorce, but I still feel those things. My H's mom is on her 3rd H and they fight constantly and are both alcoholics (plus stepdad is a gambler, scratch offs mostly). The whole family fights and calls names, etc., and it's unfathomable to me. I guess I can't really see the depths of his issues because I didn't come from such dysfunction.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>U bet I was mad at his parents and even told them so.<hr></blockquote><p>You know, I think his mom is in denial and blind to what she has done. I guess my H wrote her a letter years ago (before I met him) and all she said was I'm sorry, but I did the best I could. It wasn't putting closure to anything.<p>My H is very unforgiving and vengeful. He will pretend to forgive you then go about making life hell. He thought I had an EA before we married and although he told me he was over it (I wouldn't accept proposal if we still had issues) he threw it in my face the entire first year of marriage. He stopped when I finally didn't allow him to go there. Whenever I would question him about something he would turn it around on me by bringing it up. I finally reminded him that he said he was over it and I would no longer allow him to turn the tables. He was using that as his excuse. Once he could no longer use that he started using his childhood.<p>My theory is that he married me only to get me back and make me pay for his pain when he thought I was cheating. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>Anyway, he's back to calling me periodically. I need to put a stop to it. It's part of his game - he keeps a foot in my life so I don't move on without him, but he continues to move on (the old "if I can't have you, no one will").<p>Thanks for your support and guidance!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]