Plan A seems to say to me to draw her into relationship discussion. This goes aginst what I have read concerning a walk away wife who is involved with someone else. please clarify. I want to talk about us but if I do I seem to be pushing her away much faster. She really does not want to see or talk to me. I am not sure if it is total contempt for me or if seeing me brings conviction on her as I just do my best to show her unconditional love.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by chrisneilsen:
<strong>Plan A seems to say to me to draw her into relationship discussion. This goes aginst what I have read concerning a walk away wife who is involved with someone else. please clarify. I want to talk about us but if I do I seem to be pushing her away much faster. She really does not want to see or talk to me. I am not sure if it is total contempt for me or if seeing me brings conviction on her as I just do my best to show her unconditional love.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Give her space. The more my partner tried to talk the more I felt contempt for him. Distance gave me time to think about the good times and the good things about him. I also felt he understood me more by giving the space i needed. The more you push for reconcilliation - the more pressurised she will feel. Let her know your there for the conversation if she wants it - but otherwise, as hard as it may seem, and you feel as though you are doing nothing - Back Off!

From my understanding Plan A is when you focus on changing yourself and not getting into the relationship stuff. It's to show you can change for the better so the WS sees you in a new light.<p>It's been a while since I read up on the plans so I may be a little off on this. I'll go back and read. There is a quick start to the plans some where posted on here. I'll see if I can dig it up.

I still keep telling wife that I love her, wish ethat she would not do this, we could get help, I am sorry that I left her so vonurable that some guy from work could come by saying the right things and rip her out of here. I know that this seems to just anger her. I must adopt the as if attitude. HOW?

Hey Chris
Sounds like I have a similar situation. I neglected my W needs (focused on my career for 2 straight years) and OM from her work came along and started meeting all the needs I failed to meet.
It's been 3 months now since her A started and it is still going on so let me share with you what little experience I have. Back off. Let her know that you love her and you are there for her, but don't call again. Wait for her to call. I was only calling my W 3 times a week yet it was annoying to her. She never called me. Once I stopped calling, several weeks went by and now she calls me almost every day. Even more important, take it *very* slow and follow her lead. Several times my W started showing me affection and I then began to ask when she was coming home, or if this meant we weren't getting divorced, etc. It just pushed her right back in the opposite direction.
As hard as this is, you've got to play it cool. Think back to when you were dating and this is how you need to be. Back then, you weren't pressuring her to move in with you or not break up with you. You just had a good time with her. You really don't want to come across as desperate and needy b/c it isn't attractive (I know, it's tough).
But remember, your W A is a fantasy relationship and I'm sure the OM is very upbeat and fun to be around for her. If she has to choose btwn a depressed and needy person, or a fun spirited person, you can guess which way she's going to go.<p>You can do this. Don't give up hope. Start looking for ways you can improve yourself both mentally and physically. Hang in there [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: roman77 ]</p>

thanks roman, you are right they go dirt bike riding and out of town on the weekends. now she wants to buy a quad? I am going to the gym and am considering going back to school. Need to find some fun things to do with the kids.

Trying hard to train my boys to take care of themseves, keep house clean, walk in purity etc. and trying to give W space. It just seems that we should be able to talk about how I will raise our kids? I guess if she wants to have any input she can call me? It is so unlike her.

wife may get her D this month, she served me and I am not responding. meeting her tonight to talk over bills, God this hurts so much. she told D that she is going to get her tubes tied, a new level of pain hits. But I will stand, I will walk through this valley. I will win her back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />