I am debating this. Is is really necessary to send a Plan B letter. I told my H I was going into Hibernation so that I could try to heal myself and get a straight mind before I do anything about the divorce. Yes, I broke the plan last Wednesday, but am headstrong in keeping the plan now. He got me again, he got me good.<p>I just have a big fear, he kept saying during the A that he wanted me to be more like I was when he first left, which was with a I don't care attitude. I was in serious denial, and trying my best to make lemonade out of my lemons. And then when a friend of mine talked to him and told him how devestated and upset I really was, he called me and said he didn't realize I still cared for him so much and that he would work on us getting back together. Then there is the Valentine's Day issue, he evedently went out and bought me a bunch of stuff and then sat by the phone all night waiting on me to call (we were seperated at this point, I didn't know about the EA yet). I sat by my phone wishing for a call as well, both of us too stubborn to pick up the phone. By what he has said, this really did hurt him, and he returned what he could and threw away the rest of what he got me. I'm scared that by me making no contact with him that he will think that I don't care anymore.<p>Is this just my mind going wild, or should I write a letter and explain that I do still care for and love him greatly, but can't see or talk to him so that I may heal? I'm just so afraid of him taking this as I don't care again.

Yes, among other things the plan B letter explains why you won't be calling him. Your 3rd paragraph is a good start.

Ok, I sat up last night and wrote a letter. I have to say this is the hardest thing I have ever written, and I have always been a fluent writter. Here goes, any feed back would be appreciated:<p>Dear H,
I don't know where to begin in saying this, but it is time for me to start to heal, and as much as I would like to continue to be your friend, I find it impossible to heal at the same time. I ask of you to please mail me the money to cover the bills and make no contact with me unless you really want to work things out and be my husband again. Know that I love you and still care for you deeply, this is why it is so hard to just be friends with you right now. After I heal and if I haven't heard from you, I will proceed with finalizing the divorce.
[this is something he said to me after a weekend trip to a friend of ours house] Just remember this, your true love, the one you thought didn't love you any more really does love you, and she wants to give you everything, but if you truly do not want it, then it is time for her to heal to be able to move on.<p>There, short sweet and simple, sound ok?

Take out any reference to divorce. You are moving (I hope) to plan B to protect what love you have left for your H. You don't need to threaten (yes, talking about divorce is a threat) when you do so.<p>The letter provided in SAA is an excellent, non-treatening, example that I would use as a template.

About referencing the divorce, I already have divorce papers he gave me, he told me to take what ever time I needed in signing them, that is why I mentioned it. I don't really like this letter, and today I wrote another one that I feel alot better about, after 7 tries, I think I finally got one! My H has my SAA book, I wish I had it to reference the Plan B letter, so I hope this one is more like it. It goes like this:<p>Dear H,
This is one of the hardest letters I have ever tired to write. I wish I wasn't having to write it, but I must do what is right for me now. I need time to heal & I'm finding it impossible to do so and continue being friends with you. I love you and care for you deeply, that is why it is so hard for me to say goodye, but also the reason why I have to do this. It is time for me to go into hibernation. I ask that we make no contact unless you decide that you want to start rebuilding our marriage and be my husband again. When I feel that I am ready, and if I haven't heard from you, then I will finalize the divorce. In the meantime please just mail me the money to cover the bills.<p>I love you and truly want to be with you and put all this behind us, but if you really do not feel that you can do this, then it is time for me to begin recovery. Know that I do not want to not be friends, but understand it is too hard for me to be around you and not be able to be with you.<p>I do not regret any of this happening, I actually thank God for it because it has changed me, it has enabled me to be me. So much has happened to me through this and I wish I could share it all with you. I have nearly a daily battle with supressed childhood memories and as each one comes out I am able to see how they made me who I was and at the same time I am able to deal with them, let them go and work on creating the me I've always wanted to be. I did not live as sheltered a life as you may think, I've just never talked about all the bad stuff, and it wasn't that I didn't want to, I just chose to put them in the back of my mind instead of dealing with them. I hate it that these things are coming out now, but things happen for a reason. If I could go back in time and change things, I would, but alas we cannot, so all I can hope for is a brighter future, and that is why I need to start to heal.<p>Just know that your true love, the one you thought didn't love you any more, really does love you.<p>~~~~~~~~~