Okay, here is a new wrinkle. I found a woman's number in my H's wallet. I called the number and left a message on her answering machine. Prior to finding the number, I intercepted a message that this W left for my H on his cell phone inviting him to lunch at her house. My H denied knowing the W & did not know why she invited him to lunch. It seems that the OW is engaged. Her fiancee heard the message on her answering machine and confronted her. I had spoken to her two times trying to find out what was going on with she & my H. Each time she hung up on me. The third time, I left the message providing my cell phone number. She called back and left a message telling me that she did not know my H. She claimed that she had just dialed the #, heard a man's voice & left a message...Yeah right. I left her another message telling her that I did not believe her b/c I found her number & directions to her house in my H's wallet. I thought that I had seen two women parked in front of my house later that day...I was in the back yard. When I walked around the side of the house, I saw the car. The car sped away after they saw me. I asked my H if the woman knew where we lived & he still denied knowing her. Claimed that she definitely did not know where we lived.<p>Apparently her fiancee heard the message & confronted her. She felt like she had to come to my home last night to tell me that she was engaged & that there was nothing b/w my H & her. I asked her how she knew where I lived & she said she was driving down the street & saw my H's car. She stopped by once previously & remembered where we lived. She doesn't want me to cause any trouble for she & her fiancee b/c she is to be married this year. <p>I feel very violated. All of the hurt that I have been trying to deal with came back to the surface. To bring this to my HOME is something very different. My child was there!!! She was accompanied by another W (protection, witness, I don't know why). She admitted that she did meet my H, they had talked a few times & gone on a few dates, but nothing sexual. I listened to what she had to say & then told her never to come back to my house again.<p>It also proves that my H has lied yet again. He doesn't know that she stopped by and I don't know how to tell him. He claims not to know her, remember. <p>How would you all handle this?

Oh, boy...<p>You seem very calm and that's a good thing. I would already have been on the phone screaming at H. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm thinking the best way to handle this would be to ensure you're calm when you confront him. He's very scared right now, I can tell you that, and he just keeps the lies going. The lies can get pretty comical when you stand back and see them for what they are. Obviously you weren't born yesterday and he really can't deny what is going on. Do you think you could calmly discuss this with him? Do you know what you will do if/when he fesses up (stay and work on the marriage no matter what he confesses or throw him out of the house)? I think that's important. If you want to work on the marriage, I think the best way is to try and be calm, understand his lying for fear of your hurt and assure him you want to work on the marriage no matter what he tells you.<p>I hope this isn't bad information!<p>God bless!

Hi Free2BMe & Insight!<p>I agree with F2B, but you have to draw a line, <p>How many and how long you can take these LIES!!!
will they ever change, or they will continue lieing all their life..........<p>TheLion - The betrayed one!

My H & I had a great weekend. We did not argue. I worked very hard not to bring up his A. He says that he loves me & really wants our marriage. I am trusting in the Lord to guide us through this storm. This weekend reminded me of why I fell in love with my H. He is a good man & father and I enjoy spending time together. We laughed, we talked, we just enjoyed each other. <p>He asked me about the man that I was tempted to have an A with after I found out about his A. I tried to be honest with him. I can almost understand why it is hard for him to be honest with me about his A, b/c I found it hard to talk about my conversations with the OM. Even though my communication with the OM was strictly over the phone or e-mail, I still felt guilty discussing with him. I kept asking him, "do we have to talk about this right now." I mean, it was hard to tell my H that I had been thinking about having an A when I found out about his A. I thank God that I did not go through with it. I don't even like to think about it.

The problem is that every time he leaves, I get awful thoughts that he is going to be with another W. We both agreed that our time away was to focus on ourselves and not other people. I just love him so much & it hurts everytime he walks out of the door. I know trust is a factor.
I have to learn to trust him again. Good God, he has to learn to trust me again as well.

God won't put any more on me than I can bear. I will stand strong with the Lord's help and pray that my H & I will develop a stronger marriage & a deeper love for each other.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>We both agreed that our time away was to focus on ourselves and not other people.<hr></blockquote><p>My H and I have pretty much agreed on the same thing. Remain true to yourself from this point on and pray that your H is true to himself. <p>I actually kissed another man after my H moved out, but it just proved I still wanted my H. I did tell my H this morning that a MM who works with me was hitting on me quite a bit since finding out we were separated. I didn't really want to tell him for fear he would cause trouble (as I have in the past with his OW), but I told him I handled it. He also knows I never would have entertained this guy if he didn't screw up our marriage.<p>BTW, did he finally come clean about this OW? I may have missed where you posted (sorry if I did). Does her fiancee know about the A now?<p>Anyway, it sounds like your weekend was great! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God bless!<p>[ June 11, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

He came clean about the W that he met while stationed out of state. He said that he does not remember the W who came to my home. He said he was wrong to have gotten the #, but it obviously did not go anywhere b/c he doesn't remember her. The W said that she hadn't heard from him in a long time. No, her fiancee never contacted me. I don't believe him. He gets angry, however, b/c he said that I don't know when he is telling the truth & when he is lying; it frustrates him when he is telling the truth & I don't believe him. <p>Here is my theory; I think that he did get the W's # & possible talked with her several times. I think this was earlier this year before I found out about his 13 days A with the OW out of state. After I found out about the A, we both decided to start over. This W called him during the time that I found out about the OW. I remember that when I first asked him, he said "why would I do that when we are trying to make things work?" I remember seeing this W's # earlier this year, but her name sounds like a man's name & I didn't pay too much attn to it. It was written on the back of something that I knew he did not want to throw out. When I found it again, the number & name was crossed out. Of course, I held it to the light to find out what the name & # was. You know us wives, unfortunately, have to play detective : ).