"That was the saddest most well writen letter I have ever read. It breaks my heart to read it. I can only imagine how hard it was to write and how hard it will be to hodl true.
I love you Josh, in my heart I you will always be
but...i cant be with you anymore. What was once
salvigable is now a distant memory for me. I thought for so long i could just continue to be strong but i broke down my spirits and im weak.
I have too failed you as a wife. In being there
stronger half of our marriage i in the end, am the
weakest because I have allowed myself to feel for
someone else.<p>i hate that you want to break off all contact because that is not what i want or what we need. I need to be able to talk to you when Kaitlyn doesnt something new or if she just wants to say hi. Who is going to meet me halfway on Weds. when its your turn to pick her up and meet me on Friday when its my turn??<p>We have things to splut, bills to be paid, acct. to close, a house to finish selling. There is no way we could not be apart of each others lives right now.<p>I will respect your desiucions but i am asking to
reconcider them. i dont want to not have you in my life all together. i guess it isnt about what i want anymore though. please call me so we can talk about this. i am going to have to log off of this soon so my grandpa can use it."<p>Details of my situation are in the just found out forum, what do you guys think I should respond with, if at all?

As someone who just went to Plan B myself less than a week ago, I can confirm that my WW responded with something very similar - "how can you cut me out altogether???"<p>I say stay strong... do not respond... or if you do, only do so for logistics (unless you have an intermediary, which would be even better).<p>I noticed this in my situation: WW has said all the foggy things we all know and hate. But this whole move to Plan B has definitely had an impact on her. I was lucky in that I felt like I had a very strong closing on my Plan A. At this point, I have plenty of evidence that she questions herself, even through the fog.<p>And it was the concept of "no contact" that has really made the difference, I think. She knew I was going to leave and had a few days to change her course. During that time, she focused a lot on "why no contact?" etc. I held firm, knowing her questions / pleading were to try and hold onto contact - which becomes about control. It's the loss of control that they really notice.

Plan B is difficult to implement when there are children involved, but it can be done thru an intermediary that is willing to be a go between you and your W. But realize that even an intermediary can get tired of beign a go between and tell you that s/he does no longer wants the job, so you better prepare yourself to start developing the communication strategies to deal directly with your W with regards to logistical matters and your kids. You can do this but you must learn to control your emotional outbursts which might sabotage any efforts for a possible reconciliation in the future.<p>As far as her e-mail response to your plan B letter is concerned, she definetely wants you to be there for her but she does not want to be there for you. Look, if her relationship with the OM was so wonderful she would not be e-mailing you telling you that she has failed you as a wife and that "i do not want not to have you in my life altogether", she would probably writte you a nasty letter telling you that it is all your fault, etc.,etc.. So it does look like there is some love left for you inside of her and she is trying to tell you not to let your love for her die.<p>If you do decide to respond to her, you might want to consider telling her thank you for her kind and heartfelt response and that you will talk to her about the kids and the house but nothing else.

TMCM:<p>"LITANY AGAINST FEAR OF DECAFF"<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But is it truly fear? Or is it loathing? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I think TooMuchC has the right response. This was the ONLY way my WH would finally and TOTALLY break off with the OW--when he could see that it wasn't going to be this "just close friends" with me while he could otherwise do whatever he wanted. He had to fully realize that he would not have that close friendship with me ever again and staying away would allow me to get over him and move on with my life. While the OW was very passionate in her persual of him the time was right for him to see that their relationship was built on lies and what they could do for each other, not a mutual respect. IT would not last. Two weeks later, he asked to come home, sent a no contact letter and is in counseling. Hang in there--she is still in the fog thinking she can keep you close but not give you what you need.

Josh - below is the sure fire response you should have to her Plan B response:<p>
Got it?

Dear Josh:
I too, am trying Plan B this week. It is going to be so difficult but I suggest also that you keep it up. I tried once but I backed down but this time I know for sure I will stand by my word.<p>Here was my letter from my WS. (Big Plan A)
I agree with you, you are a wonderful woman and I know all about your beautifull qualities. In the past 2 years you had an incredible improvement
in your attitude and behaviour, the one the I can see the most is the love and dedication that you have for God and our children.<p>I don't want to hold you for hostage, neither play games with you. I can't tell you what to do, I moved on with my life but I find myself worse than before. I can't tell you what my plans are because I don't have any, I live day-by-day and slowly God is showing me the way. You know that I Am totally lost and you want me to make decisions and comitment for you and I can't
Kim, not because I am mean but I just don't have that clear direction that you are asking me.<p>I do care for you and wish you the best, you deserve happiness.<p>Brian

Josh;
You've gotten through to her with your Plan B. Stand FIRM; do not budge. Do the right thing for the children and other legal/logistical issues but NO MORE.<p>With a response like you got, she's likely to be VERY close to deciding to work on your M and abide by the principles that will allow that to happen.<p>Hang in there!

Josh, you must have been an inspiration. I gave my WW the Plan B letter just tonite. I'm not sure what effects this will have on her, but I think my timing is perfect. I dropped by her house to give her the letter, and she was on the phone... I'm sure it was HIM. OM happens to be her boss. When she hung up, she told me that she had to cover for him tomorrow because his dad just had a heart attack. Now, he won't be around for a couple of days, and she'll be all by herself. I'm hoping that she will THINK, if that's in her vocabulary. <p>Something I don't understand, though. Through the past year, I have given her several cards and letters, and she has kept all of them. What does that mean? Last week, I gave her a little clipping I found in a magazine that said "Imagine... what life could have been". She hung it on her refrigerator. Also, she had made plans for her and 2 of my 3 boys to move in w/ OM at the end of this month. But last weekend she told me that she isn't so sure about that anymore. I wonder if things aren't going quite as well as she had planned. Why would she tell me this? Did I do the right thing by giving her the letter, or should I have hung in there a little longer? I thought I was so sure about this, but now I wonder. Maybe I can get someone else's opinion on this. <p>This is going to be tough...

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by thejohnsmith:
<strong>Josh, you must have been an inspiration. I gave my WW the Plan B letter just tonite. I'm not sure what effects this will have on her, but I think my timing is perfect. I dropped by her house to give her the letter, and she was on the phone... I'm sure it was HIM. OM happens to be her boss. When she hung up, she told me that she had to cover for him tomorrow because his dad just had a heart attack. Now, he won't be around for a couple of days, and she'll be all by herself. I'm hoping that she will THINK, if that's in her vocabulary. <p>Something I don't understand, though. Through the past year, I have given her several cards and letters, and she has kept all of them. What does that mean? Last week, I gave her a little clipping I found in a magazine that said "Imagine... what life could have been". She hung it on her refrigerator. Also, she had made plans for her and 2 of my 3 boys to move in w/ OM at the end of this month. But last weekend she told me that she isn't so sure about that anymore. I wonder if things aren't going quite as well as she had planned. Why would she tell me this? Did I do the right thing by giving her the letter, or should I have hung in there a little longer? I thought I was so sure about this, but now I wonder. Maybe I can get someone else's opinion on this. <p>This is going to be tough...</strong><hr></blockquote><p>tjs, <p>It took me a while to find this post. I am going to copy this and reply to you on your questions on your thread. <p>L.

Hi Josh,<p>If you are still looking for opinions..... here is my 2 cents. <p>Her response to you shows that U still are meeting some of her needs. <p>Acknowledge the part where you daughter is affected. As for her need to communicate with you to validate her feelings, well that's a casualty of the A. If she wants the A then she loses the friendship. <p>I would let her know that while you love her and would very much like to have accomodated her requests, that A thingy stands in the way. Kinda like hugging your W with the OM in the middle. Now you don't mind if it is your daughter in the middle but not an OM...... Just not your style. right? <p>Then stand firm with your decision. Let her know if that you don't have to deal with 'hugging' the OM, then maybe you could talk about your relationship between the 2 of you. But as long as she forces this OM between the 2 of you, then well let her know that hugging strange men is just not your style. <p>L.

Remember, if they are still in the relationship, they are still hoping they can keep things hidden and "secure". They know what we want to hear... they say things to keep us in the fog with them. As long as we can't keep a decision and stick to a plan, they don't have to right?

See it through. God bless.

Josh

It's been a while. How are you doing?

L.