My H just called to tell me good morning and that he really needs to talk to me tonight. He was doing his Elmer Fudd impersonation like he did the first time he asked me out!<p>This time he asked if I had found anyone else with a panic in his voice, and was like I REALLY need to talk with you tonight.<p>Then I mentioned where I had went to lunch yesterday (we used to go have breakfast there a lot on Sunday mornings) and he said he went there Sunday morning but it just wasn't the same. I made the statement that I started to go there Sunday morning too, but sleept in too late to make it, and his statement, I wish like hell, or it would of been nice if you would of.<p>Then he was letting me go and asked me to say anything I wanted to, that he couldn't really talk because some people were there, and I was like I don't know, I don't work good under pressure, and he said that we will have to start working on that together.<p>I know, don't get my hopes up too high, but I think finally the "fog" is lifting!<p>Thank you Jesus!!!

Good morning,<p>Sounds promising! I wish you all the luck in the world on this one. Like you said, don't get your hopes up. Let us know how it goes!<p>God bless! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Did he by chance say to you 'Goodness waytious I almost kill my mawiage'? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey, I think you had too much coffee, Man! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Free2BMe:
<strong>Hey, I think you had too much coffee, Man! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Of course I have you silly goose [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Sorry for my silliness betrayedone, but I agree with you that the 'fog' MAY be lifting from his mind because he wouldn't be calling you asking you whether you had found somebody else and saying he needs to talk to you and asking you out. No he would still be living in his fantasy world with his fantasy OW and you wouldn't register a bleep on his radar screen. But I too echo Free2BMe's sentiment about not letting your hopes up to high because WS's are very notorious of going back to the 'fog' once they feel they can have their cake and eat it too. So watch your back.

Wow, what a night! I'm scared to get my hopes up, but at the same time I'm so excited.<p>He called me about 3:30 this afternoon and asked if it would be alright if he came straight to my house from work and wait on me to get home. I said it was fine, so after 6 months, I finally had my husband to come home too, and that in itself felt wonderul!<p>He jumped up and hugged and kissed me when I walked in and just held me. We sat down and he immediately started to go for sex, and I stopped him and asked him what it was he wanted to talk about. He asked me if I could really love him after what he has done and for how long. I answered with yes, I really do love you and I want to love you forever. He replied that he knows that I love him, but he is scared of things going back to the way they were, I told him I didn't want to go back to the way things were, that I wanted to move on to a wonderful future. He then stated he wanted the same, but that if things even started to go back, that he would be out so I fast I wouldn't even know what hit me, but that if things were to be alot better, that he would be willing to put forth all the effort needed in improving himself in the areas that he knows he lacked in and he knows that by those improvements that they will make me happier too. He stated that I already knew how he feels, but that he wasn't ready to say it. I asked him to tell me because I needed to know exactly, and he said when I'm ready to say I lo....awe, I love you, I'm in love with you and have been since the first day I laid my eyes on you 9 years ago. I don't remember exactly what lead up to the next topic of conversation, but he told me I was to never make contact with OW, that she really never wants to hear from either one of us, and that she does feel really bad for ruining our marriage. He then proceeds to say that she really was a good person, and that she let her heart get ahead of her and it made her do some stupid things that she now regrets.<p>So one thing led to another and we end up having sex.<p>Afterwards he fell asleep and I laid there in his arms. When he woke up I looked up at him and said hello beautiful. He looked at me and said I love you and hugged me soooo tight.<p>As he was leaving I told him to take his magazine that had come in the mail for him, and he said he would just leave it here, that he would be back, or should be back and would read it then. So, I walked him down to his car and we said our goodbyes for the evening, and I went out on a limb and said I love you, and he said I love you too, and he drove off into the sunset!<p>I know what he is saying off the top of his head is what is coming from his heart, but he still has his mind playing tricks on him. I am still letting him make the moves, I don't want him to feel pressured into anything, and I know the OW is completely out of the picture. Funny, how in this complete seperation I've actually began to trust him some again. I'm never going to trust him 100%, but enough not to smother him, and that little lack of trust is what I am going to use to show him and every other female in the world that his is MINE, and I love him like no other!

Hi
Hope you don't mind my barging in. Sounds so GOOOOOD. I hope things work out as good as they seem. <p>Take care

Wow, that is absolutely wonderful! I'm so happy for you. You give me hope. <p>I'm the one who was unfaithful in our relationship, and we've only been separated for just a week and a half. I pray that someday I'll have a story like yours to tell.<p>In the 2 weeks since we've been separated, we've had sex twice. I know I shouldn't have given in, but the feeling of being held close and receiving affection like I used to is very hard to say no to, even if my H won't say I love you in return. However, I now don't intend to have sex with him anymore, unless we're really working things out. He left right after both times, saying the first time was just sex, and that couples who break up do that, and that the second time was goodbye sex. I want to wait to have sex with him until he becomes someone who'll tell me he loves me after. You are so fortunate!<p>Good luck with everything, and I hope things continue to go well!<p>Jen <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by thebetrayedone:
<strong>Wow, what a night! I'm scared to get my hopes up, but at the same time I'm so excited.<p>He called me about 3:30 this afternoon and asked if it would be alright if he came straight to my house from work and wait on me to get home. I said it was fine, so after 6 months, I finally had my husband to come home too, and that in itself felt wonderul!<p>He jumped up and hugged and kissed me when I walked in and just held me. We sat down and he immediately started to go for sex, and I stopped him and asked him what it was he wanted to talk about. He asked me if I could really love him after what he has done and for how long. I answered with yes, I really do love you and I want to love you forever. He replied that he knows that I love him, but he is scared of things going back to the way they were, I told him I didn't want to go back to the way things were, that I wanted to move on to a wonderful future. He then stated he wanted the same, but that if things even started to go back, that he would be out so I fast I wouldn't even know what hit me, but that if things were to be alot better, that he would be willing to put forth all the effort needed in improving himself in the areas that he knows he lacked in and he knows that by those improvements that they will make me happier too. He stated that I already knew how he feels, but that he wasn't ready to say it. I asked him to tell me because I needed to know exactly, and he said when I'm ready to say I lo....awe, I love you, I'm in love with you and have been since the first day I laid my eyes on you 9 years ago. I don't remember exactly what lead up to the next topic of conversation, but he told me I was to never make contact with OW, that she really never wants to hear from either one of us, and that she does feel really bad for ruining our marriage. He then proceeds to say that she really was a good person, and that she let her heart get ahead of her and it made her do some stupid things that she now regrets.<p>So one thing led to another and we end up having sex.<p>Afterwards he fell asleep and I laid there in his arms. When he woke up I looked up at him and said hello beautiful. He looked at me and said I love you and hugged me soooo tight.<p>As he was leaving I told him to take his magazine that had come in the mail for him, and he said he would just leave it here, that he would be back, or should be back and would read it then. So, I walked him down to his car and we said our goodbyes for the evening, and I went out on a limb and said I love you, and he said I love you too, and he drove off into the sunset!<p>I know what he is saying off the top of his head is what is coming from his heart, but he still has his mind playing tricks on him. I am still letting him make the moves, I don't want him to feel pressured into anything, and I know the OW is completely out of the picture. Funny, how in this complete seperation I've actually began to trust him some again. I'm never going to trust him 100%, but enough not to smother him, and that little lack of trust is what I am going to use to show him and every other female in the world that his is MINE, and I love him like no other!</strong><hr></blockquote>

I'm so happy for you! It will be rocky from time to time, but it sounds like you will be okay!<p>God bless! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by thebetrayedone:
<strong> He then stated he wanted the same, but that if things even started to go back, that he would be out so I fast I wouldn't even know what hit me</strong><hr></blockquote>
HELLO?!?!?!?!?! Betrayedone................IS ANYBODY HOME?!?!?!?!?!?!<p>I don't want to rain on anybody's parade here, BUUUUT, I think you need to re-read this in the cold, hard light of day, NOT through rose-colored, "afterglow" tinted glasses........<p>HE HAS THE A, THEN BOPS HOME FOR A "LITTLE TASTE OF HOME" - AND LETS YOU KNOW IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT IF "THINGS" START TO TURN SOUTH AGAIN THAT HE WOULD BE OUT SO FAST YOU WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT YOU?!?!?!?! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Did I read that right?!?!?! Where the hell is YOUR head?!?!?!?! WHat kind of threat is THAT?!?!?!?!<p>SLOW DOWN, will you, please? I KNOW you want your H home. I am there, too. I KNOW you want your life back. I KNOW. BUT, PLEASE, PLEASE, slow down!!! MAKE HIM DO SOME WORK FIRST HERE. Put some boundaries down here, please. This is going Waaaaay too easy for him. Make HIM Plan A YOU for awhile. Make him SHOW YOU he is serious.<p>Case in point: EXHIBIT "B:"
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>He told me I was to never make contact with OW, that she really never wants to hear from either one of us, and that she does feel really bad for ruining our marriage. He then proceeds to say that she really was a good person, and that she let her heart get ahead of her and it made her do some stupid things that she now regrets.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>OW "FEELS BAD FOR RUNING YOUR MARRIAGE" AND YOU ARE NEVER TO MAKE CONTACT WITH HER?!?!?!?!? <p>WTF?!?!?!?!??! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>"SHE'S A REALLY GOOD PERSON, AND SHE LET HER HEART GET AHEAD OF HER HEAD."<p>"She did some things that SHE now really regrets?!?!!?" <p>YA THINK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm sorry, I am really sorry for coming across like this, I'm not really meaning to be yelling, BUT, I'm (I think understandably) confused, upset by his behavior, afraid for you that he's stringing you along, that HE DOESN"T "GET IT" yet.<p>Please, exercise EXTREME caution with your heart for awhile, until HIS ACTIONS AND HIS WORDS match up, OK?<p>Hugz to you, and wishing you a GREAT and SPEEDY recovery!!<p>Lord, Bless them, and please let it be so. Let this man BE HOME for his family.

Hmm... got to second lupolady here...<p>Some of the more "troubling" aspects of his words include:<p>"he told me I was to never make contact with OW"<p>In order to sustain a dual life to make an A work, this "separation" of BS and OP is essential. So for him to be concerned about contact - might imply he's relying on it never happening, because he doesn't want it to destroy his little fantasy. If you're familiar with my story at all, I was advised by 2 counselors to confront OM - and it was that contact that helped put the A under some great stress.<p>"He then proceeds to say that she really was a good person, and that she let her heart get ahead of her and it made her do some stupid things that she now regrets."<p>While the WS talks in glowing terms about the OP in any way... beware.<p>"but he still has his mind playing tricks on him"<p>Yes indeed... consider setting your expectations accordingly - to protect yourself from hurt.<p>I don't want to sound overly pessimistic. But I'd be wary about WH trying to come home for some "cake" (you) to go with his "ice cream" (OW).<p>Now, if you're actually in Plan A, meeting his EN is probably a good thing. But at least be aware of the possible dynamic going on... Watch whether he backs up his words with actions, and that includes being willing to help rebuild trust in your M. (Is he willing to do "anything" for the M yet? That's a valid test, although often too great of a hurdle to expect all at once... or is it?)

When we first split up, he wasn't having an affair. That all came about later.<p>He left originally because I was a witch with a B, plain and simple. I wanted away from me, but since that is not possible, I changed. That is what he is talking about if things go back to the way they were. Sorry, I should of clarified some things there. I hurt him big time, I won't get into the long drawn out story, but basically, I put my family and myself way ahead of him, and wouldn't give two craps about him and his feelings. If he tried to tell me something was wrong, I would just reply with that's just the way I am and if you don't like it you can either deal with it or just leave. Well, he left.<p>What he was referring to about the contact with the OW, I had sent her an email directly and another email that I sent to an anonomous person (that's another long story) saying some dorogatory things about her got to her as well. In the latter email I had called her evil and satan encrusted scum, that is why the topic of her being a good person came from. Also there has been someone placing harrassing calls to her at work and someone vandilized her car, she says I'm doing it, but I wouldn't sink to that level. She dumped my H, because she finally realized that she could never have him the way she wanted. He refused to have sex with her no matter how much she tried to. He didn't really want to be with her on any other level than a friend, but she used guilt to try to get him. She did let her heart get ahead of her, it's hard to explain it all, she was a friend of mine who's H wasn't meeting her EN's. <p>Quite honestly, I'm tired of talking about it all, and am really ready to put this chapter of my life behind me. I'm 25, about to be 26, there is so much more to life than the screw ups the people we love make. I'm saddened by this because I lost a close friend of mine as well, I have forgiven her. Life goes on, and the path you chose to take should always be the one your heart leads you on. It's hard to explain my H, but I know what he is saying. He said he is willing to work on improving himself to make me happier too, and that in itself I believe to be a great statement.<p>I'm letting go and letting God take care of things still. He has brought me this far, and if there is one thing left in the world that I know I can rely on, it's Him.<p>[ June 14, 2002: Message edited by: thebetrayedone ]</p>