I think that part of the difficulty in letting go has to do with all the memories we've shared with our WS and also our pride or ego that OP has taken away someone we considered ours. But the fact is that the person that was your W is no longer in this world and in her place is somebody that looks like her but is really not the woman you knew. So keep this in mind when you start missing her because it's true.

Dear Tofu:
You know the bible says that when you become married, "the two shall become one" so when there is a separation, there is a ripping effect. It is never a clean cut and the pain is incredible. A friend told me that one day you wake up and in your heart, you know it is over. I guess that must be when the love bank is totally empty. Do we hang on because we can't handle the rejection or we want to be loved and accepted? I suggest you don't respond to your W with an email, keep strong. I can sense that you feel confident about going to the stage of D. Don't forget, D doesnt always mean the end. Sometimes if you need to start over again, to start fresh anew, with new vowes and committment. Still here for you, Kim...

Hello thejohnsmith:<p>Get out man!!!! its not worth it.
I suggest you wrap up your D, and move on, give love to your kids and take care of them...<p>
Enough of this bull.....
Frank opinion, thelion...<p>I am headed your way to D.......

Hi aanast2:<p>You are right about waiting but 18 months.... NO WAY.... I think 4-6 months from D day should be enough, you have to understand after Divorce you will need the same amount of time to get back your life... so if you spend 18 months on Plan B it will be 36 months before you get on your feet...<p>Its hard, and tough.......still breathing.
thelion

Hi tofu:<p>All the MBers are correct, do not respond to the e-mail and head straight to the attorneys office.... that seems to be the only solution you have, stay strong man.. We are all with you!<p>smile!
thelion

Hey, Coffee guy, you must've had a cappucino double cuz you hit it square on the head when you said...
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TooMuchCoffeeMan:
<strong>I think that part of the difficulty in letting go has to do with all the memories we've shared with our WS ... But the fact is that the person that was your W is... somebody that looks like her but is really not the woman you knew. So keep this in mind when you start missing her because it's true.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>The woman I married did not treat me the way the this b*tch does. The woman I married was smart and considerate and thoughtful and polite... This WW claims to be her, but has none of those wonderful qualities. Kinda like a cloning that went seriously wrong.

Hi thejohnsmith:<p>I agree with u, I have the same sort of feelings for my WW. But one thing I cant get past is why are we fools so much after these b**ches....<p>Why cant we just move on, and let it go... Because we are the same H which we used to be, they are one who have changed...<p>thelion

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TheLion:
<strong>Hi thejohnsmith:<p>I agree with u, I have the same sort of feelings for my WW. But one thing I cant get past is why are we fools so much after these b**ches....<p>Why cant we just move on, and let it go... Because we are the same H which we used to be, they are one who have changed...<p>thelion</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Well Lion maybe it's because we miss the women we fell in love with and who loved us back with all their heart.<p>Unlike the death of a loved one, our WW's - or xWW's - are still very much alive, and so we beleive that they are going to come back to us the way they were before they started their A's. But for all their fogging up of the mirror, they might as well be dead to us because they are not the people who loved and cared for us. In their place there are these cold, selfish, thoughtless people that we never would have fell in love with, much less married them, in the first place.<p>But let's keep in mind that NOT all WW's are the same. There are many that never fall out of love with their H's but become disilussioned by the lack of attention they get from them, that they inadvertently end up with OM's that are not that meaninful to them. These women are the ones that are remorseful once their H's find out about their A's and are eager to get a chance to rebuild their M's. They are quite different from the ones that not only fall out of love with their H's but fall in love with their OM's and which usually are lost causes as far as returning to their H's and rebuilding their M's. The trick is to find which type of WW our W - or xW's - are and proceed with a realistic approach.<p>I don't know about us beign the same H's that we were before we got married. It is very common to beleive that we have always been the same but we forget that when we were courting our future W's we were plan A'ing our butts off and after we got married we stopped. And the same goes with them, but instead of trying to fix the lack of emotional fulfillment in their M's, they decide to not even try and jump at the next available opportunity to be with another man. The joke is on them because most often they pick losers to replace us and end up worse for it. I said it once and I'll say it again, the worst betrayal that a WS does is not against the BS but against him/herself.<p>Just my thoughts

2 days since her email and I have not responded! I'm hanging in there.

tofu: I just started reading this thread and boy do we have a lot in common. I was in Plan B for 5 months; there apparently is an OC on the way; I signed separation papers a few days ago; and today I get an e-mail from my stbxh concerning our taxes. It is a huge effort not to respond, but I am absolutely not going to do it. It just reopens old wounds. Let them wonder why we are not responding; it will drive them crazy!!

Hi Tofu & Fingers1258:

You are right, I am in the same situation, stopped answering e-mails, that just bring the emotional roll coaster back...

It is so hard but the best thing is not to respond. Unless the fog is off, and they say they want to work on M we should start communicating...

Also, NO CONTACT as harley says is a must before we even talk to the WW...

hang in there guys, we will get thru this.

thelion

Tofu and Lion: It is now almost 6 hours since my stbxh e-mailed me. I picture him in his office peirodically checking his e-mail for my response. I am in control this time - I am not and will not answer. I feel empowered and it feels great!!

Hold on tight Fingers1258:

Fog will deminish, slowly and gradually, that is the only hope we got.

thelion