I've been separated from my husband for about a week and a half. He wants a divorce and requested the separation because I slept with his best friend twice. <p>That "affair" is done. I have no desire to continue it.<p>I know that I have done an amazingly hurtful, selfish, and unkind thing. I don't blame anyone but myself, and perhaps the OM.<p>My husband says he's getting used to this separation thing, and that he can't put this behind us, and that he doesn't think reconcilliation is a realistic possibility.<p>I still love him fully and completely. I want us to get back together. I'm trying hard to give him space, so that perhaps it will help him to realize how much he cares for me and misses me. However, whenever I see him I'm often dumb enough to be very emotional and I always bring up how much I love him, how sorry I am, and how I'd do anything for us to get back together. You see, we've been together for 12 years, married for 6 1/2. We are (were) everything to each other. We were amazing together. <p>What should my plan be? It sounds like plan A and B are used when the unfaithful spouse needs to separate from the lover still. Or have I misunderstood the terminology?<p>Help me to understand these plans, and give any advice you think may help.<p>Jen

PS: If you want to read my entire detailed story, check the posting under Infidelity, My husband just found out. It shows a progression of how I've been learning as I go during my separation.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Jen Brown:
<strong>I've been separated from my husband for about a week and a half. He wants a divorce and requested the separation because I slept with his best friend twice. <p>That "affair" is done. I have no desire to continue it.<p>I know that I have done an amazingly hurtful, selfish, and unkind thing. I don't blame anyone but myself, and perhaps the OM.<p>My husband says he's getting used to this separation thing, and that he can't put this behind us, and that he doesn't think reconcilliation is a realistic possibility.<p>I still love him fully and completely. I want us to get back together. I'm trying hard to give him space, so that perhaps it will help him to realize how much he cares for me and misses me. However, whenever I see him I'm often dumb enough to be very emotional and I always bring up how much I love him, how sorry I am, and how I'd do anything for us to get back together. You see, we've been together for 12 years, married for 6 1/2. We are (were) everything to each other. We were amazing together. <p>What should my plan be? It sounds like plan A and B are used when the unfaithful spouse needs to separate from the lover still. Or have I misunderstood the terminology?<p>Help me to understand these plans, and give any advice you think may help.<p>Jen</strong><hr></blockquote>

Jen I would suggest that for a quick look on what plan A and plan B are that you read the following: <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

BTW(by the way) there is no such thing as plan C in Marriage Builders.

Jen:<p>This has all happened too recently. You need a good couple of months to get a good plan A going. If your H doesn't insist on no contact from you now, try to do as good a "remote" plan A as you can. <p>It's great that you care this much. That's the first part of the battle. YOU will survive, and maybe your M will be restored.

I know that, I was suggesting that perhaps neither plan really suits me at this point! (Can't I be a little humourous?)<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TooMuchCoffeeMan:
<strong>BTW(by the way) there is no such thing as plan C in Marriage Builders.</strong><hr></blockquote>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Jen Brown:
<strong>I know that, I was suggesting that perhaps neither plan really suits me at this point! (Can't I be a little humourous?)<p> </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes you may and you should because humour is what keeps our sanity in this crazy world.<p>Jen you and your H(husband) are both WS(wayward spouse) and BS(betrayed spouse). But since you ended your A(affair) for good and he is still in his, you are at this moment in time the BS and as such you are in need of plan A. Sure it's hard to meet your H(husband)'s EN(emotional needs) while he is living with his OW(other woman) but you can certainly avoid love busters -angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements and selfish demands - that are the love killers in a relationship. Avoiding these will make you a much more attractive option when he starts coming out of his A(affair).<p>In a way his moving in with the OW will be an eye opening experience for him because his A(affair) is nothing but a fantasy, and there is nothing like good old reality to destroy a fantasy. Living with her he won't help but compare you and her, and more so if she starts love busting him, he may just start missing you his W whose been plan A'ing her butt off.

bump<p>[ June 13, 2002: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</p>