I AM 26, MY WIFE IS 24. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS, MARRIED FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS. WE DATED FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS AND BROKE UP. SHE HAD JUST MOVED OUT OF HER PARENTS HOUSE AND IN WITH HER BEST FRIEND SAYING SHE NEEDED SPACE AND TIME TO THINK. SHE DIDN'T KNOW IF I WAS THE RIGHT ONE. I WAS NOT GIVING HER THE COMMUNICATION SHE NEEDED AND SHE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT IT. ALSO SHE WAS NOT SURE IF I WOULD MAKE A GOOD FATHER. I WAS HEARTBROKEN AND I TRIED TO WIN HER BACK.
A MONTH LATER AND WE WERE BACK TOGETHER. AT FIRST I WAS HESITANT BECAUSE I COULDN'T STAND LOSING HER AGAIN. AFTER A WHILE THAT FEAR DISSAPEARED. EVERYTHING SEEMED GOOD AND SHE TOLD ME AND HER FRIENDS SHE WAS SURE I WAS FOR HER. SHE SAID SHE COULD LIVE WITH SOME OF MY SHORTCOMINGS.
ABOUT A YEAR AFTER THAT WE WERE MARRIED. NOT ONCE DID I QUESTION THAT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. I COULDN'T HAVE FELT BETTER. AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED MY PRAYERS HAD BEEN ANSWERED.
WE LIVED IN A LITTLE APARTMENT HER PARENTS RENTED TO US. WE HAD OUR LITTLE SQUABBLES BUT WE GOT ALONG WELL. SHE SEEMED SO HAPPY.
ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO WE BOUGHT A HOUSE. SHE WANTED THIS HOUSE SO BAD. SHE LOVED IT. I WAS SKEPTICAL BUT SHE WAS SO INTO IT I THOUGHT IT MUST BE RIGHT. WE HAVE GONE INTO THIS HOUSE AND DONE A TON OF WORK. PAINTING INSIDE AND OUT, TEARING DOWN SOME WALLS, NEW LIGHTING WELL YOU GET THE IDEA. SHE WANTED THIS SO BAD I BUSTED MY BUT TO GET IT FOR HER. I WANTED HER TO HAVE THE PERFECT HOUSE.
WE PLANNED ON DOING MORE WORK TO IT. FINISHING THE BASEMENT AND LANDSCAPING AND EVERYTHING. SHE WAS SO INTO IT I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING COMING. LOOKING BACK WE SHOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME FOR EACH OTHER AND SLOWED DOWN ON THE HOUSE.
ABOUT A MONTH AGO SHE WENT WITH HER MOM AND HER SISTER TO CHICAGO FOR FOUR DAYS. A COUPLE OF DAYS AFTER SHE GOT BACK SHE SAID SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT US. SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T REALLY MISS ME MUCH WHEN SHE WAS GONE AND THAT BOTHERED HER. I ASKED HER WHAT TO DO AND SHE SAID "I JUST DON'T KNOW IF YOUR THE ONE". I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST GOING THROUGH A RUT BECAUSE THIS IS THE FIRST I HAD HEARD OF ANY PROBLEMS.
WE TALKED AND MADE THE EFFORT TO GO OUT AND SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER. SHE SAID SHE WOULD LIKE TO TRY BUT IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS THE ONLY ONE TRYING. SHE IS HUNG UP ON COMMUNICATION AND IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS THE ONLY ONE DOING THE TALKING. I KEPT ON THOUGH BECAUSE I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
LAST SATURDAY WE HAD A GOOD TALK. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS STILL CONCERNED BUT I WAS HER BEST FRIEND AND SHE LOVED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING. SHE COULDN'T DECIDE IF SHE WAS "IN LOVE WITH ME". WE ENDED UP HAVING PRETTY PASSIONATE SEX AND SHE SEEMED REALLY INTO IT. I THOUGHT I HAD STARTED TURNING A CORNER. I THOUGHT MY ATTEMPTS TO SHOW HER I LOVED HER WERE WORKING.
THEN THE LID BLEW OFF. TWO DAYS LATER SHE CALLED AND SAID SHE WAS STAYING WITH HER MOM. THE NEXT NIGHT SHE CAME HOME AND TOLD ME SHE WAS THROUGH. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TRY ANYMORE. SHE DIDN'T THINK I WAS THE ONE. I BEGGED HER TO THINK ABOUT IT SOME. I ASKED THAT SHE GIVE THIS DECISION TIME. SHE JUST KEPT ASKING HOW MUCH TIME?. SHE HASN'T STAYED AT HOME SINCE. AND SHE'S TALKED ABOUT GETTING A LAWYER AND FILING.
WE TALKED ABOUT WHY SHE WAS SO UPSET. HER THREE BIG REASONS ARE: 1. I'M NOT ENOUGH OF AN EXTROVERT. SHE SAID I DON'T GO OUT WITH HER FRIENS ENOUGH. 2. I'M NOT INTO HER FAMILY ENOUGH. I SHOULD GO TO ALL FUNCTIONS NO MATTER WHAT. 3. COMMUNICATION-WE DON'T TALK ENOUGH. AND SHE DID SAY I SHOULD ENJOY HER FOR HER.
I TOLD HER I DID ENJOY HER FOR WHO SHE WAS THAT'S WHY I LOVED HER SO MUCH. THE OTHER THINGS I TOLD HER THAT I HAD LET HER DOWN. I WOULD CHANGE THOSE THINGS AND WE COULD BE BETTER THAN EVER. I FELT THEY WERE THINGS THAT COULD BE WORKED ON. SHE SAID SHE JUST DIDN'T THINK SHE COULD WORK ON THEM WITH ME.
A LITTLE BACKGROUND: SHE HAS ALWAYS GOTTEN WHAT SHE WANTED. SHE WAS A LITTLE SPOILED AS A CHILD AND I WORSENED IT IN MY ATTEMPT TO MAKE HER HAPPY. SHE GETS A BEE IN HER BONNET AND THAT'S IT. THAT IS THE WAY IT IS NO MATTER WHAT. ON THE OTHER HAND SHE IS VERY GOAL ORIENTED AND WORKS VERY HARD. SHE HAS WORKED FOR WHAT WE'VE GOTTEN. IT'S JUST WHEN SHE THINKS IT IS THE THING TO DO THERE IS NO TALKING ABOUT IT. ONLY DOING IT.
A YEAR AGO SHE GOT A GOOD JOB. SHE IS AN HR MANAGER FOR AN AIRCRAFT COMPANY. SHE WORKS HARD AND MANY TIMES WORKS LATE. ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO I NOTICED THAT SHE TALKED ABOUT A MALE CO-WORKER QUITE A BIT. I JUST THOUGHT I WAS BEING JEALOUS. SHE WOULD GET UPSET WITH ME WHEN I TALKED OF A FEMALE CO-WORKER OF MINE WHICH I THOUGHT WAS RIDICULOUS. SO I TRIED TO OVERLOOK MY JEALOUSY.
THIS GUY JUST WENT THROUGH A DIVORCE HIMSELF AND HE WENT TO HER TO TALK A LOT. I THOUGHT NOTHING OT IF. I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST BEING A GOOD FRIEND.
WHEN ALL OF THIS CAME UP BETWEEN HER AND I, HIS NAME CAME UP AGAIN. SHE SAID SHE FELT LIKE SHE CAN JUST TALK TO HIM. SHE SAID SHE FINDS HERSELF GOING TO HIM TO TALK SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF ME.
NOW THIS GUY HAS DECIDED HIS DIVORCE HAS MADE HIM HAPPIER AND HE'S TELLING HER THAT. ALL OF HER OTHER FRIENDS AND HER FAMILY ARE TELLING HER TO SLOW DOWN. THEY TELL HER THAT SHE IS LOSING SOMETHING SPECIAL BUT THIS SEEMS TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.
LATELY SHE HAS GOTTEN INTO RELIGION. THIS IS SOMETHING SHE ALWAYS BROUGHT UP BUT SHE REALLY HASN'T GOTTEN DEEP INTO IT TILL NOW. I'M ADMITTEDLY BEHIND HER IN MY KNOWLEDGE OF RELIGION. I DID NOT GROW UP AROUND THE CHURCH AND I FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE DISCUSSING IT. I BELIEVE IN GOD BUT I DON'T LIKE RELIGION PUSHED ON ME. INSTEAD OF COAXING ME INTO IT SHE JUST EXPECTS ME TO DIVE IN. LIKE EVERYBODY SAYS THOUGH IF SHE IS SO INTO IT WHY IS SHE SO WILLING TO BACK OUT ON HER VOWS TO GOD AND TO ME.
EVERYBODY SHE TALKS TO ABOUT WANTING OUT SHE TELLS THEM A DIFFERENT REASON. SHE TOLD HER MOM SHE WAS AFRAID I WOULDN'T MAKE A GOOD FATHER. THIS PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE I LOVE KIDS AND THEY LOVE ME. I DO MORE THAN MY SHARE OF WORK AROUND THE HOUSE MY WIFE EVEN SAYS SO. HER COMPLAINT IS THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL FUNCTIONS AND FAMILY GATHERINGS AND THINGS LIKE THAT. I DON'T THINK THEY ARE TRUE AND I SURE DON'T THINK IT IS A JUSTIFIABLE REASON FOR DIVORCE.
HER BEST FRIENDS HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO HER. HER MOM HAS TRIED TO TALK TO HER. BUT IT IS ALL THE SAME. SHE HAS AN ANSWER FOR ANYTHING. NOT TO MENTION SHE CAN'T FIND ANYTHING GOOD ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. IN A MATTER OF A WEEK, I WENT FROM BEING HER BEST FRIEND AND THE PERSON SHE LOVES MORE THAN ANYTHING TO JUST A BIG 8 YEAR MISTAKE. SHE BRINGS UP EVERYTHING OVER THE LAST 8 YEARS. ALL OF HER FRIENDS SAY THAT I'VE REALLY IMPROVED ON THE THINGS MY WIFE HAS A PROBLEM WITH SINCE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED. I WANT TO CONTINUE TO GET BETTER SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO GIVE ME THE CHANCE.
I COULD WRITE FOR DAYS I'M SO UPSET. I LOVE HER SO MUCH I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF LIVING WITHOUT HER. SHE ASKED ME WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HER. I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND I LOVE EVERYTHING. EXCEPT WHAT SHE'S DOING TO ME NOW. I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HER.
I WANT TO LEARN FROM THIS AND MAKE US BETTER.
DO I HAVE ANY HOPE? WHAT CAN I DO? I NEED HELP.
THANKS

Okay,
This is truly hard to say. I can say that she is having an emotional affair with this coworker. She finds it easy to talk with him, and enjoys listening. She probably thinks she could have a life with him, but would rather you throw in the towel than for her to actually end things. Seems to me that she is stringing you along until she is sure. She uses all kinds of excuses for why you are a bad husband. I think she really compares the two of you. For instance, she can talk with him, he relates to her, they have fun together, but everything you try to do for the relationship is pathetic and stupid in her eyes. Every little thing that you do that she doesn't like is magnified by 10x. She wants to escape, but doesn't want to make a mistake in leaving you for good. So she Bull****s around and truly is confused. As far as her wanting things done now the way she wants it, she is spoiled. Maybe she feels she can boss you around simply because you always ask her what you can do for her too much. As far as the religion, go to church for her this one time...tell her that you'll try it, and if you don't come out feeling better than when you went in...drop it for awhile. Pray that she sees the light. please don't feel offended by my opinion. God Bless!

Hi Donefor,<p>Welcome to marriage builders. First off, I am sorry you are having to come here but you will find support. Remember that we are just everyday folks dealing with a very diffcult set of individual circumstances. <p>With that in mind, it is generally recommended that all who participate in this site read the basic concepts section located under the MB logo at the top of this page. You will learn about emotional needs, emotional affairs, physical affairs, plan a, plan B, etc. <p>You will see where you are in the scheme of this mess and learn that you can not control your W's actions. If she is spoiled, then the worst thing to do is give her everything she demands. Let her know that she can not control you 100% either. <p>Then realize that right now your W is babbling. It is very clear and in this crazy fog many of the WS (wayward spouses) think that everyone will buy off on their stupid reasons. Keep reading here and learn how many dumb reasons the WS try to play off on the BS (betrayed spouse, family and friends). <p>So with the above in mind, don't let the babble hurt you. You will find out how to handle that and even learn to retort with style. <p>For now, you have some homework. Go read the info and let us know what you think. <p>take care,
L.

Welcome DONEFOR...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Your W is "in the fog"...
...and that is very typical for the beginnings of most affairs.<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>This can and should be done... even when the WS has moved out...
...temporarily... or permanently!<p>Remember... when doing Plan A... be P and T and C!
(check the link Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.) )<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR