I spoke with husband on the phone last night. He is living with parents debating on what he wants in life. Refuses to give up OW,etc...been in plan A as best I can, but I am at the point of being done. We talked very civily on phone and I told him I love him, if he decides to work on the marriage, just let me know,etc...but that I am now taking myself out of the picture (as hard as that is). It's not something I want to do, but I have been at the point that love bank is almost down to nothing, so I went ahead with my decision. <p>Next week is family vacation time at the beach. Always has been a comfort place for us (no problems, good times, etc.) I woke up this morning with peace knowing that God is taking control of things....Husband calls this morning to say that he would like to drive us down to the beach and stay the weekend. It took me by total suprize and I said OK. Hung up, then realized hey wait a minute...Husband is trying to keep me in this mess when I have taken myself out. I don't want to do this anymore, help! I must have courage to stand for the decisions I have made. Please, your opinions. Part of me wants him to go thinking that this will help us. Last year we reconciled when we went on this family vacation. Part of me says NO, he is just dragging me back into the hurt and pain....help please!

bump!!!!

our e-mails this morning...<p>Me: That must mean OW is out of the picture???<p>Husband: Why would you ask that? <p>Me: Re our conversation on the phone last night. I have
taken myself out of this picture, and you are bringing
me back in, why? unless OW is out of picture and
you are ready to work on marriage?? <p>Husband: Well I said what I said this morning because Both myself and the kids would like for me to go for a day or two. I wish I could go for the week but I don't see that happening. If you would rather I not go just say so and I will deal with it<p>Please help me....what do i reply with????

bump again...please somebody help me here!

Hi:
It seems like you two still love each other after all that has happened. For him to want to be with you and the kids for vacation tells me that part of his heart is still with you. But if he is still with the OW, I don't think it would be a good thing. Maybe you could ask him if he wants to reconcile and leave the OW. If he says no, then it might give him a taste of what it would be like if you were divorced by not letting him come. He can't have his cake and eat it too. It might be the key in him coming to his senses and realizing that family is more important than his A. Keep it in prayer, and God will use this situation for his glory. God bless.
Kim...

Thanks Kim,
You can see that I somewhat asked him in my e-mail, but of course he didn't say anything about it. He is not with her. Lives with his parents, but is in contact with her (EA right now, not a PA). Hasn't been willing to give her up yet for fear that he might lose her forever. I don't know what to do. He seems to be coming around a bit more, but still isn't at the point that he's ready to work on marriage. I keep thinking that this will be a chance for us to be away and talk and maybe work something out or at least give him some insight again to what he is missing with his family. He wants to stay for weekend. We will be gone for a week, so it would give us time apart after that. Maybe that would help, or maybe he is just going to continue to use me, I don't know.

Well, I told H that we would ride with him to the beach. Probably crazy...8 hour drive. Hopefully we will survive the trip still intact! lol I have been so very angry today, but I am ok right now. Hurt comes and goes, then anger comes and goes. My family is against him going at all. I understand their feelings (still makes me feel very awkward) but I do want H to go. I really don't want to lose him for good. I am just at a point where I need some kind of answers, but he hasn't been able to give me any. Any opinions on how to deal with rest of family? Dad, Mom, 3 sis & kids, Aunts, etc. are going too...we all go together. How do I deal with this?

bumping again for opinions???