Hi,<p>I haven't been on in the past week and wanted to check in with everyone.<p>WH and I have been spending most of our free time together. We've agreed honesty is the best way to go even though it hurts to speak it at times and we may fear a negative response.<p>Overall I feel great! Yesterday I felt like I was on top of the world and felt good about ME not just US. Sometimes I have really low lows about myself and about our marriage, but yesterday was very positive for me. I mentioned to WH that I wished I could bottle the day up.<p>I have access to his email and I didn't find anything that shook me up. OW sent him a group joke email with nothing extra added to it and that was it.<p>I need to deal with my personal insecurities. Every woman I see is a huge threat to me. I check out women and wonder if they would catch my H's eye or if he might try to get her attention/phone #. I guess that's my co-addiction. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We are still living apart and will probably remain so until his lease is up in 5 months. I like having my space and my pink bathroom [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I'm just not sure I can deal with these emotions and anxieties for the rest of my life. This is what I need to decide while we're separated.<p>I plan on getting the book "Addicted To Love" by Stephen Arterburn. I believe I get addicted to the man in my life (since HS) and can't let go when red flags show themselves. It's happened with every relationship I've had. I need to break this pattern. I read "Every Man's Battle" by the same author with my H last year and found it informational.<p>Thanks for "listening" and God bless!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

You are truly a veteran...<p>...how about planning...<p>A World Wide Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille.<p>Have him consider Promise Keepers or Covenant Keepers.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Hi, Jim,<p>Thanks! I was just thinking the other day that I've been here way to long not to know what I'm doing. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Glad to hear from you, been wondering how things were going!<p>IMHO, some jealousy is ok, it lets the person you're with know you really do care about them.<p>Just know that after some time of proven results with your H, the fears and insecurities will ease some. I know that it probally won't be fast enough for you, but the saying of the best things come to those who wait is true.<p>Remember to stay true to yourself and God, they have gotten you this far.

Thanks for the response, TBO! I'm really waiting to see how the counseling goes with H. Right now my only requirements for reconciliation are the counseling and him leaving his job before moving home. Once he does individual counseling and then I join him after a time, I'll talk to the counselor about other things. If the C thinks it's some form of sexual/love addiction then we'll talk about recovery groups and/or an accountability partner.<p>I love my H and always will ~ time will tell if I love him close or from afar!<p>Hope you're having a great weekend! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Free2BMe,<p>Glad to hear that you are taking it one day at a time. I might have the same addiction that you spoke about.<p>Suggestion: Is H able to block OW email address? That is her attempt to continue contact...<p>Also, I wish you continued good luck. Take care.

Hi, thanks for popping in. He works with OW and at times they need to send stuff out to the whole office. As long as I don't see the back and forth sexual stuff that I saw before I'm okay with it until he leaves that office. Then I'll ensure it's blocked, but she has yahoo email too. There's always a way around everything. He could very well have a new email addy on the internet.<p>I just need to make a decision as to whether I can handle the stresses of always wondering.<p>We agreed we were going to be 100% commited to our recovery and our marriage which meant doing everything as if we were together (just different living arrangements). Well I met him and his boy at church and I had one of my boys with me and he asked what we were doing for the afternoon. I said I wasn't sure, maybe work around the yard. He said he and his boys were going swimming at his brother's house. He took the AC with him so he knows it's very hot in our house. He never offered for us to go. I felt very hurt by that and I'm not sure how I'll handle it. He did say maybe they'd stop by for dinner later. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My son and I went to his parent's camp and swam and had a great time instead.<p>Again, thanks for popping in!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Free2Be,
You know, I've been around here a long time too..and even though our recovery is going well, There are days I look in the mirror and wonder..what the heck am I doing? I know better than that! Go re-read the book Twyla...maybe it's just early alzheimers!<p>You mentioned remorse in another post..you know, it wasn't until we had been in recovery almost 6-8 months that he actually felt free enough to express his remorse...I don't know if it took him that long to realize how much I was hurt, or if he just didn't trust me to take this feeling and hold it over his head.<p>About the hurt feelings with the seperate outtings...you know, there's really no reason you couldn't have said.."would you like to join forces..first we do this and then we do that?<p>This may be where you have some of that anxiety..afraid to express yourself and what you want. This was and still is one of the hardest things I have to deal with. Will I be refused, ignored, belittled..so I will say nothing..and get more anxious. Once I realized that it was OK to have an invitation turned down..that I would be OK with it...it freed up so much of the anxiety for me. Funny, I have never been ignored or belittled since I worked at this..but I still have some fear.<p>I know I don't post much to your threads..but I have been following them for...gosh..over a year.
hang in there,
T

Hi, Twyla,<p>Thanks for the response!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You mentioned remorse in another post..you know, it wasn't until we had been in recovery almost 6-8 months that he actually felt free enough to express his remorse...I don't know if it took him that long to realize how much I was hurt, or if he just didn't trust me to take this feeling and hold it over his head.<hr></blockquote><p>I think I will believe we're in full recovery when I see the remorse. He thinks it's the medication he's on now (over a year) that keeps the emotions from coming. We've been in fake recovery on and off for 2 years, so when I see the tears then I think that will tell me something. He starts his counseling on Monday and I'm hopeful it will work this time.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>About the hurt feelings with the seperate outtings...you know, there's really no reason you couldn't have said.."would you like to join forces. first we do this and then we do that?<hr></blockquote><p>I don't know if I'm game playing or not, but my feelings were that if he truly wanted us to join them he would have asked. I don't want to be there if I have to invite myself - it's just not who I am. I can see what you're saying though and maybe I'll take that risk soon to test it out.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I know I don't post much to your threads..but I have been following them for...gosh..over a year.
hang in there, T <hr></blockquote><p>Then I feel honored you posted to me! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks for popping in and sharing your thoughts! Did you see the MB Photo Album on GQ II? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]