I filed for divorce a few weeks ago, after some time thinking about whether there was just "one more thing" to try. Maybe these anxieties are inevitable since divorce is such a big step, and in plan B, by the design of plan B, I was not working on our marriage. <p>Here is what helped - last week I made myself a list of things I needed to do for "moving on", and by categories I counted:

• Already done - 6 items.
• Still to do - 3 items.
• Not until D is final - 2 items.

Now 6 of 11 may not look very impressive, but it's better than I thought it was going to be.<p>I kept a journal during plan A, but W swiped it and I never got going on the journal again. Looking back now, I think it would have helped me to make a checklist of personal development goals for plan B, not necessarily related to the marriage, and use that to gauge my progress. Maybe this idea would help others who feel the need to "do something" during plan B.<p>- Tom

Hi, Tom,<p>I think that's a great idea. I had a mental list of things that never got accomplished because they weren't there in black and white. I was only in true Plan B for 3 days. At the end of those 3 days I received a letter from WH stating he knows what he did was wrong and he knows he hurt me a lot and wanted our marriage (no apology). We talked briefly and have been together most free time for the past 3 weeks. <p>Next week will be 2 months that we've been separated. It went by rather quickly, but I think I should have stayed in true Plan B. I sensed it was effective since I got the letter so quickly, but would probably see some remorse if I'd kept it up.<p>I think REMORSE is the one thing I'm looking for to fully reconcile. Sure I get lip service, but remorse, real remorse, would really speak loud that he's sorry and will work 100% on the marriage and do whatever is necessary for this to never happen again.<p>I'm off track here, sorry!<p>My list was for my own personal growth and healing and I don't think I'm as far as I would like to be. I guess I can still make that tangible list and work from there!<p>Thanks, Tom, for the great idea!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks for the reply, and I'm glad things might be going a little better for you. I'm working on my list, too!

- Tom