I am in Plan A with my WH and we are separated. He has stated numerous times he wants a divorce, however he has made no effort to file. I would say I have done a great job at Plan A for about 3 weeks with no LB, but before that for about 3 months we were LBing quite often. I feel we are making progress and I can see the conflict in his face and his actions. I know this is a crucial time for us and I don't want to LB and mess it up. But I have an appointment tomorrow with a lawyer to discuss filing and protecting my interests. I am not sure I should do this. I don't plan on filing right now, but I want to protect myself and my kids from the possibility of my WH destroying us financially (given he is still in the fog). However, I am afraid this will be perceived as my lack of faith that this marriage can be saved. I do believe that it can be saved but I don't want to be blind to the fact he can ruin my credit. Any suggestions? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Can you see a lawyer without him knowing about it? It's only an LB if you do it as a threat, a follow through threat, or as a perceived threat.

It also seems more appropriate for Plan B. If you're committed to Plan A, research and investigate. Protect yourself.

Broken Hearted, I went to see an attorney while doing plan A. I went w/o my H's knowledge, but later he accidently found out. (Saw name on caller ID when they called back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )I did not intend to file when I went, but wanted to find out my rights in my state so that I could protect myself and our kids if things took a turn for the worst. Funny thing is that when he found out, it scared him. To that point, he didn't think I'd do anything other than be a "door mat"!

It was the beginning of him opening his eyes to the seriousness of the situation. If you can do it w/o him finding out, thats great. There's nothing wrong with looking to protect your interests and finding out just how the whole system works. Thats what I told my H when he asked me why I went. I told him that I did not want this to happen, that I loved him and wanted to make our M work, but if he was unable to give up OW, thats where we were headed. C

Broken Hearted,
You need to see a lawyer ... no question about it. This is got nothing to do with plan A. You have two choices depeding on your situation. You could see lawyer w/o telling H at all or you tell H afterward. In any case, you have to see a lawyer first .... tell them that you are in a situation that might lead to divorce and you need to consult w/ an attorney. Most lawyer will take you for 1 hr freebie hoping that you will hire him for Dv or just pay it outright. Pack with questions and do your homework. Research also on the net about your state law first to answer some basic questions and confirm it later w/ your lawyer.

You could tell your H that you see a lawyer to understand your right and to protect your family not to file ... Of course you can't bring it up while LB'ng ... bring it up as FYI. "You know H, today I saw an attorney (don't say lawyer !) to see what if we have to separate." .... stop right there and see his reaction.

Yes, we want to save our M but at what cost ?. Protect yourself. Good luck -RH-