I found about A about a 1 and 1/2 months ago. At that time I told him to give up the OW and he could come home (he was on a trip with her) and try to work on the marriage. I tried Plan A at first but then kept catching him in lies of seeing, talking to and (as I just found out) still sleeping with the OW. He also has placed the blame for the affair continously on me (saying things I have done wrong in the marriage). I gave him the ultimatum again to stop contact with her or leave the home, so he left last week. I am a mess and he seems to at least be reacting emotionally to be separated from the kids and out of the home (he is living with a friend). He says he needs time and has not decided what he wants to do yet (although he says he will pursue the relationship with the OW). I wonder what I should be doing now? I feel a huge sense of loss and sadness. I also feel the chances are very slim of us getting back together. I love him despite the pain. I am seeing a counselor and also going hopefully start on some meds to help me now. Do you all recommend not speaking with him? Trying to emotionally distance myself? We have to have some communication currently regarding the children and finances. Any other ideas would be helpful. Thank you.

hw:

Welcome to MB! You've found the best place on Earth, in my opinion, to help you through this tough time.

Since you only found out 1.5 months ago, your plan A really hasn't had time to develop fully. When it does (probably in a couple of months), you will be much more confident in yourself, and much better able to deal with developments with your H.

I would keep in contact with him. Consider it a "remote plan A" for the time being. These are harder to do effectively than when the WS is home, but they can be successful, nevertheless. Remember, too, that plan A is about YOU first, and your family second. It really isn't about the WS, as they have to come out of their fog and end their A on their own. But with a good plan A under your belt, when the WS comes out of the fog, they can't help but notice the "new you" - the confident, self-respecting betrayed spouse.

If he doesn't end the A and come home on his own, you might consider going to plan B and sever contact with him. But remember that plan B should only be undertaken if you are prepared to divorce, because that is one of the possible outcomes of plan B.

Take care, I'm sure you can look forward to numerous replies to your post from people much wiser than me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dear Help Wanted-
"he seems to at least be reacting emotionally to be separated from the kids and out of the home "
This would seem to be a good sign. Continue to read all you can about the basic concepts on this web site, try to continue to meet the emotional needs he will let you meet, and avoid love busters. You are not alone here. Many of us have been through this. Our spouses are in a "fog" unable to think rationally.
Read, read, read. Consider finding a counselor for yourself. And use the forum as a resource. To not speak to your spouse at this point will be like instituting a Plan B. This may be premature at this point. Use your conversational opportunities to meet his needs, and make love bank deposits. Take care!

Hi, help wanted-
You'll found a wealth of opinions and advice here on MB. Read through some of these posts and you'll be surprised how many times you will find someone else in a very similar situation... sometimes almost identical. The advice and opinions of others are very insightful and helpful. No one here will say that they're an expert, but I beg to differ. Who is more qualified to give advice than others that have been through the pain that an affair has brought to a marriage?

Continue to read and post. We'll be here for you.