To make a long story short, after 4 months of knowing my W was heavily involved in her A, we had a big talk on Saturday. I told her that if her intention was to continue in her A until it stopped being fun then I was ready for her to file. She thought about this for several days and came back to say she was ending A, would start going to church again, but wasn't ready to move home.

Ok. That's a start. We hung out on Wednesday night and had a good time, then I noticed a bomb on Thursday. My W has always handled our finances and I'm fine with that. But I decided to look at our online bank accounts to see how we were doing and I noticed that last week my W opened her own checking account and deposited her latest paycheck. The real problem I have with this is that the credit cards, house, car, insurance, everything is paid out of the checking account that I put my paychecks into.

I'm dreading having to bring this up since things have been going good, but I can tell she wants to have her cake and eat it to. She wants to have her A but know I am here waiting, she wants her freedom but wants to know the security of our M, and now she wants my financial status to pay her bills while she saves her own money for herself.

I figure, enough is enough and I'm through being a doormat. I'm going to talk to her about this and if it is what she is wanting to do then we will divide up the bills accordingly.

Any thoughts?

Since I am on a roll tonight with posting all over..

Sooner or later, the choice really has to be made on how things are going to be done, and once you set the rules down, they need to be followed. If they aren't followed, things will just drive you nutso.

If you feel that she's getting out of her affair state, make demands, set down strict rules, tell her how you feel about it. Tell her that you think you feel like she wants her cake and eat it too. Most of theese things aren't bad to say, if you can do it without being angry, or making it insulting. Once people get out of their affair state, they are like in a cold shower, and start to realize what they have done.

But then again, some people will give you a charade of that they are out of it, but really aren't..

If YOU feel enough is enough, then you need to listen to your feelings, its a part of your survival instinct and if you ignore those feelings, it will just drive you crazy.

Try your best, calmly and politely, but brutally honestly to tell her your feelings. It will either serve to make her think, or make her drive for the affair worse.. The thing is, you can decide on how much more you will take, how much more you can take, before firmly stating enough is enough.

I can only speak from my personal experience, but when ever I did get brutally honest, shared my feelings, things worked better for a bit, then she, my WS had another relapse, and it isn't all over yet for me I think (still doubtfull), but it makes ME feel better when I am honest.

I used to be a drill officer in the Swedish Airforce, and thats basically how I feel at times that I need to be, to make ME feel good, because if she is only doing what is well and good for her, I need to look out for myself! And, if she can't handle that with me, then we can't really work out in the long run, because...

Thats who I am.