Does anyone have a good article on the fog or
can you explain it? I have been in the fog and it is seems to have lifted but I would like to understand it better and know more about it. I was a WS and my fog is lifting after a little over a year thanks a lot ot the MB site.

Hi Sparkle,
How are you holding up? I hope you're doing well. I've been away on a couple of trips, so I haven't been around much. Are you holding up okay?
Ashirley

Hi Sparkle,
How are you holding up? I hope you're doing well. I've been away on a couple of trips, so I haven't been around much. Are you holding up okay?
Ashirley

Hi Sparkle,

The fog??? Well, I think there is an article around here about it. But, it has many informal definitions. It might be easier to describe the symptoms. First, when in the fog what you feel are real feelings, the problem is that the data one uses to arrive at those feelings is at best incomplete and worst just plain wrong.

For example, the OP will have very very few flaws, but the BS will have no good attributes. Now it isn't hard to imagine who you would fall for in that situation is it? But of course it is a false view of these two people, hence the term the fog.

Much of the fog comes from rewriting history or conscious or subconscious justifying what is done. Hence the term the fog.

It comes from not recognizing that the affair hurts other people. You cannot imagin how often the BS is told that a "divorce won't hurt the children". Or that they are just being over sensitive because the BS expresses their pain. That is why Harley suggests in Plan A not to tell the WS about the pain. The WS just uses it to show the weakness in the BS's character or that they were trying to "control" the WS.

Ah, yes CONTROL. One of the favorite buzz words of someone in the fog. Any attempt by the BS to move toward or away from the WS is often interpretted as CONTROLING actions. Any attempt by the BS to protect themselves from the pain is CONTROLING.

Now, if you view the world through the "fog" it may be interpretted that way, but when you come out of the fog you see that there are many more factors than just the WS and OP.

I would guess that the singular definition of the "fog" is the singleminded focus of a person on themselves and what makes them happy, to the exclusion of all others.

If you read here you will see elements of all of this. The feelings are real in the fog, but the evaluation process is definitely incomplete. One is not seeing everything, hence the term the "FOG".

Does this help? I hope so. How are you doing Sparkle. I have heard from you in a while.

God Bless,

JL

Just Learning,

Thank you for that explanation of the fog. I'm printing it out to remind myself during those dark hours, that the WS's mind just isn't firing on all 8 cylinders.

I snooped and found pictures of the OM today along with some things that she had written down to tell me when she told me that she didn't want me back in our house. Very hurtful words. I got a "sorry" email from her later that evening about hurting me. I've got to stop snooping. I keep up at it until I find something that hurts me. Why do I keep doing these things to myself.

Thanks again and God Bless.

Giving again I ask in dismay, must I keep giving and giving away. Oh no, said the angel looking me through, just keep on giving until the master stops giving to you.

I dont know about stopping your snooping, it does protect you in a few ways if there is anything even fouler going on, and, it will let you learn more, that you probarly don't want to know at first, but later on, there are always alot of questions about EVERYTHING.

People in fog, donno how to define it, but it seems that when they hit the fog, everything is YOUR fault.. thats been my experience, and from what I've read, it seems what alot of WS think.

Its YOUR fault the affair happened, its YOUR fault that your relationship sucked, its YOUR fault they have to lie etc, and its YOUR fault you're not as wonderfull as the new exciting person they are playing around with.. etc..

The person in fog, just can't ever do anything wrong, everything they do is perfect, wonderfull and aint nothing wrong with it! Doesn't matter what they do, they will always find a way to justify their actions, and more than likely, blame it on their partner.

Just my .002 tonite.. =}