Gods, its been a rocky.. what is it now? 2.5 years? I think a few ppl have seen me post here before too.

Tonight, I am sitting here again, at the computer, slightly tipsy from beer, but its not bad, feeling relaxed and actually at ease despite everything.

I have managed to become stronger, less accepting of lies and dishonesty in my relationship with my wife, which was, as it turned out, nothing but 6 years worth of lies and her playing around.

This have had a suprising side effect, I thought it would drive my wife even further away by me not accepting lies and dishonesty, but she actually has managed to become very honest about most things and is trying to work on "proving" herself after all her affairs (3 in total, one ending in divorce almost, very bad one that one).

But, despite this, I still feel bitter about all the lies that she did tell, and all the things she did do behind my back, affairs and friendships, stories made up etc.

I'm dealing with it, but don't feel as affected about it anymore!

My anger spurts have almost stopped, I look forward to the things we do in common, and I really enjoy waking up next to her again.

At the same time, I'm trying to deal with a overwhelming amount of wierdness in our marriage, but its not as bad feeling anymore...

Never thought that would happen, just wanted to post that.. =p

Hi,

I remember seeing your name, but don't think I ever posted or followed your situation.

I feel very indifferent in my marriage because of past (and possibly present) lies and betrayals. Some days I think I could remain in the marriage and have a happy life, but I don't feel the incredible love for my H. Some days I wonder what the heck I'm doing this all for (recovery).

I was at a gfs house yesterday and they have a nice yard with a gazebo and a pool. Her H was sleeping (went fishing early) and she and her boys were puttering around the yard and swimming. I want things, yet they are on hold right now waiting to see if our marriage survives. I would love to have a day like my friends and not be nervous H is on the phone with OW while pretending to be asleep to me. I want to be relaxed and secure and safe in my life instead of the heartache and pain and misery I feel.

Sorry... I sort of went off on a depressive tangent. Hey, pass me one of those beers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep the faith!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />