It's been 57 days since I walked out after getting word of my W's A.

No words have passed between us in any fashion.

I'm starting to feeling better now that I've lost 72 lbs and have dropped 10 inches around my waist.

Somehow W has turned the children against me and they want to know why I'm being such a jerk about not calling thier Mom. They know both sides of the story and have now taken the side which puts me in a less then favorable position.

I don't know what they've been told, and I've asked that they don't divulge any information which could make may make me feel like I did many weeks ago.

It's my opinion that I should not have to make contact since I was asked to leave so she could carry-on with OM, and would regardless of whether or not I chose to stay.

I guess I'm asking how I should handle my 19 yo twins when they seem to have taken Mom's word over mine.

What's strange is they have spoken to OM on the phone but believe he is only Mom's friend from work. Mom has never had a male friend from work call our house. Are they blind? How should I approach this?

Dear Nineteen61,

You had made the first mistake, you walked out ... you should never done that if you want your kid. I stayed w/ very painfull memory but at least my 2 D know the truth and I get at least 50-50 custody.

Now with your kids ... 1. All kids are selfish. They only think about themself, you are viewed as abandoning them. Your wife A doesn't impact them. Do not take it personally. 2. They are young adult. They will figure it out themself, don't push them into it.

How to handle them ? this is my 2¢, do nothing related to your W's A. What I mean is focus on them ... what do they want ?. They want you to call them every week ... do that ... If they want you to talk to your W, you could say that not good idea at this point or just talk to your W if you still could. However never bring up your W's A ... never bribed or used them ... never treathen them ... just be a father to them !!!. Focus on being a father to your kids ... we know that you can't be a husband to your W right now, let it go.

The truth has always find a way to reveal itself and the lies has always find a way to slip out and show its real color .... be patient.

-RH-

Hi,

RH has given you some good suggestions. They are 19 now and can and should be treated like adults (in my opinion). If they know both sides then they probably know W asked you to leave (yes?). So simply state that you are giving W the space she asked for. Do continue being their dad. Try not to shut them out because it's hard for you to call the house or see your W. If they are saying they don't want to hear from you or see you, try to understand and explain to them it has nothing to do with them and you would love the opportunity to have dinner with them. At their ages, it's really their choice. Maybe you could write them a letter stating you wish to be in their lives and that you are there for them and you will wait for them to contact you. I guess - Plan A the kids.

Is that much weight loss a good thing for you? If so, congratulations! If not - please stay healthy!

Good luck!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 19, 2002, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>

Thanks Free,

I like the Plan A for the kids. And I will write them an email. I'm just so disgusted with W that I can't even drive through the same town without having anxiety attacks. It might have something to do with being with her for the last 24 years. And the fact that I can't get over loving her.

As for the weight loss. I'm 6' tall and I weighed 284 lbs when this started. I'm down to 215 lbs. So yes it was a lot of weight to lose, but not a lot for the size I started at. I'm just starting to hit the gym so maybe everything will work out regardless.

Best Regards,
N61