Hi,

Have you had one of those days lately when you just feel like crying all day??? On Sunday, when my H told me he loved me, he said it like he HAD to. Almost begrudgingly. So I told him that if he did want to tell me he loved me, he didn't have to and it wouldn't hurt my feelings (what a lie!!!) Since then, he has altogether stopped saying it. I mean, not even to say goodbye on the phone! It killing me! I know that I am the one that told him he didn't have to, and I know that he only loves me as a friend, but DAMNIT it hurts!

On another happy note... He told the boss yesterday about us moving. The boss thinks that maybe he will just shut down the Houston branch then. So my H's response to that is that if he is going to do that then he will try to buy him out. Then he tells me that we will move to UT and the OW will stay here and run the company that he owns. What do you sayto that???? I mean I do not want anyone in the company to loose their jobs over us moving, but it seems way to convenient for my H to still have contact with her if he owns the company that she is running! Does he understand the concept of NC???? Maybe we could not pay her a salary and just pay her in sexual favors!? And then when my H needs to come back to Houston to check on the business, he could just stay with her! I am feeling so waek and helpless... I feel like all is lost in my M and I don't know what to do anymore... Sorry about the vent, but I really needed to get it out.

pq-

Sounds like you've had a rough last few days. It's hard initially when you stop hearing "I Love You" My WH stopped telling me that almost 3 months ago. He didn't want me getting false hopes. I still wish he would say it whenever I see him. He has slipped a couple times and then says he said it because it was habit.

You may need to get a new post and get some other opinions on the "buying the boss out" bit because for me the answer would be "NO F'ing WAY" Sorry about the language but the only way my WH and I are going into recovery is without the OW.

So how was your weekend. Mine was quite confusing. But I'm tired now so I will post an update tomorrow.

Take Care.

Hi AJR!

My weekend was busy! My H and I were helping our friends get their house ready to put on the market (they are going to UT with us). And on Sunday, I went shopping w/ a friend since it was NO TAX weekend. All in all it was okay.

I talked with H last night about the "I love you" thing and said that I know he doesn't want to say it, but could he atleast do the "blow me a kiss" thing (he does this before we go to bed) so that I know he does still care. He said that would be no problem. I guess we'll see tonight.

By the way, looks like you were posting WAY late last night. Any news that you need to share?

Also, I am going to tell my H tonight that I am putting my ring back on and I want him to as well. So that we can show our committment to our M and ou family. I don't know how this is going to go over, my H hasn't wore his ring since about two weeks after we married. But I figure, if I am telling him it is to help us remember what we are working towards, he may do it. Besides, it will really piss off OW to see him wearing it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I will start a new post soon, I need to see if some of the strange things my H is doind is normal, but I kinda like having our own little chat room to check up on each other! Take Care!

Really wasn't that late. I'm on the West Coast. I generally post in the 10 o'clock hour.

Eventhough we are separated, I've seen my WH the last 4 days. On Friday, he made an appointment to have a new landscape maintenance company come give us a quote. You know since this is his investment too and it's important that our yard is kept up. He thought it was very important that he was here.

On Saturday morning he called me before I went golfing with my parents to give me the quote from Friday night. Felt the need to call me eventhough we were to see each other for dinner. Came over and we went to dinner. Just dinner due to our bad date last Saturday. Said he wants to take it slow no mammoth dates.

Planned to come over again on Sunday to check out sprinkler problems. Eventhough he was coming over later, called at noon to say he was at Costco and did I need anything and did I want to split some bulk items. Came over later and we washed our cars together. Never even got to the purpose of trip - checking sprinklers. Also swapped out TV he took to his apartment. Forgot the remote and needed to come back over on Monday night to get remote.

Through all these trips to the house, claims he doesn't really miss me. Feels free to be on his own. Spending more time with OW. He is almost ready to make first IC appt.

Really confusing to me. If he doesn't want to be with me, why does he find a reason to come over 4 times a week??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Had my 2nd IC appt today. Counselor asked me what I want. It got me thinking and when WH came over to get remote, I really didn't have any romantic feeling toward him. It was like catching up with an old friend. What does that mean??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I know it's too early. I need to Plan A some more but feels like I'm going to need Plan B as I am meeting too many of his domestic needs. I really want to see him get some IC appts under his belt first.

I know this is long but what do you think?

It sounds to me like he definitely WANTS to spend time with you. To come over to get a remote control??????? Come on! Now don't get me wrong, I think it is a wonderful thing that he still wants to be in contact with you, but isn't that hard knowing that he is with her the other days of the week?

How long and how well did you plan A when he was living at home? I know that most here say you need to have a good plan A for about six months. But, I can see your frustration with meeting his domestic needs while he is still involved with OW. Maybe someone else will have more insight on the subject.

By the way, it did sound like you two had a very enjoyable four days, did you? Maybe your feeling of "catching up with an old friend" is because he is running low on love units in your heart. It may be time to plan B if that is the case, so that you can preserve any love unit left. What do you think?

PS
I have posted my HORRIBLE night last night on another thread. I would love to get your opinion.

The way I get through knowing he is spending time with her is that I know that his spending time with OW will cause A to collapse. She is a gullible dimwitted airhead that can't possibly keep my WHs interest long term. She also can not give my WH the family he wants as she has already had her children (her oldest is 21) and shows no intention of telling her husband about A. She is not making herself available to WH 7 days a week.

Problem with Plan B right now is that I didn't do a very good Plan A until decision to move out was already made. Only been at it since about 7/1. I believe feeling might have been more a product of IC asking what I want and me pondering "why do I even want WH?" Also after I posted and went to bed I was sad because I wished WH was there to cuddle with instead of just his pillow. I lump last night with the recurring thoughts I sometimes have to chuck it all, sell the house, get an apt and buy the Jaguar XK8 to tool around town in.

I did have an enjoyable time and he does still give me a kiss before he leaves. He says it just feels wierd not to kiss me goodbye.

He is going to see his parents this weekend. I wonder what his mother will say. She lives in a small town and is very vocal about not approving of people that have A's. Also, he wouldn't be going if OW was available 24-7. Hopefully her unavailablilty is a major LB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I just want to scream. I know it is the fog but it still drives me crazy. My WH came over last night. He needed to get some baby pictures for some company potluck today and also get a overnight bag for his trip to his parents. He has his workout bag. Why didn't he just use that. Also, why didn't he just say he forgot the baby pictures. Before, he probably would have forgotten. He says that he doesn't miss me. That he is happier than he has been in the last 3 years. That's bulls@#t. Two nights ago my sister was telling me that when she wants to remember the man my WH can be she thinks back to a conversation they had 6 months ago about being worried on how I was taking our fertility issues that I thought I was causing. He was so caring, loving, and thoughful. So last night I majorly LB'd, didn't yell or scream but calmly asked him if he is ready for OW to move in with him and was he ready to say he wanted divorce. He say he doesn't know what he wants. The only thing he was really sure of was that he didn't want the OW to move in. Just doesn't really want to spend time with me. Feels that spending time with me is leading me on. But I'm his F'ing wife. Isn't he leading OW on. When is he going to come out of the fog.? And can I make it until that time? He also said that the only thing he knows is that he does need to go see an IC but just hasn't found the time to make appt. So we ended the conversation with me telling him that I agreed about the IC. I told him to just call and make the appt and that whether in the end he was with me or someone else, he would never be happy until he worked out his internal issues and the I really just wanted him to be figure out how to be happy. I also asked him if he was really happy. Where did he see himself in 5 years. I know that being on his own allows him to escape me and our problems but does living on his own in an appt seeing OW few times a week when she's not with OWH really make him happy - a man whose dreams were to have three kids and the family thing.

Hey Ajr!

Sorry that I was not available for you!!!! I feel your pain! I know how frustrating it is to hear the coldness H's can have in the fog. Remember that it is like aliens have taken over their bodies and minds. Be patient and kind, no matter HOW hard it is! I will benefit you and your marriage.

Well since a few days have passed, how are things now? I am in Missouri for a week, so I do not know how fast I will be able to get back to you, but please keep posting. Sometimes a venting session is all that you need!

Smile and know that you are in my prayers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />