I saw a counselor today and got started on some anti-depressants. I have lost 2 more pounds (13 lbs. total) and I'm skinny to begin with. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I could certainly use some help with my appetite and sleeping.

I told my husband today I was going to get a separation agreement. I was looking at our finances today and saw a bill for a hotel room (from only a few days ago) which he denies getting. The lying continues! I think he is actually living with the OW now although he is pretending to be staying with friends. He said he didn't think we needed to do the separation agreement yet, but I told him we did. I don't want to know how he is spending our money on her. He tried to hint that things might be changing for him, but when I asked him if he was still seeing her, the answer was "yes". I don't think anything has changed except for the fact that I no longer want to wait while he sleeps with her and leads me on. (Can you tell I'm entering the angry stage of all of this?) I am tired of hearing about his subtle changes in mood and direction. The only acceptable response to hear at this point is that he has broken off the affair and would like to work on the marriage. I need to stop talking with him because it just brings me down. I will again, try to keep the contact about the children only. It is always difficult, though. Any suggestions at this point would be helpful. Thanks!

Sorry to hear all that you are going through. As usual, I can relate to your story. At least your H is being honest that the A is continuing. He is making his choice by his actions. What you are doing is 100% correct, except you need to stop asking about he and OW or anything else. You should not talk to him unless it is about finances or the children. Do not let him get into any other issues, including his or your state of mind. He needs some reality of what it will be like to lose you and his home and children. Real life with anyone can be tough, and if he didn't deal well with it with you, it won't be any different with OW, even though that make some time to become apparent.

I almost did not want to reply since I am still struggling myself. My H has been continuing contact with OW after I had done Plan B and he asked to come back. He still blames me for the problems in our marriage although he tries to say that he doesn't, it is always about him not being able to change the way "my treatment" of him made him feel.

I think it is good that you are getting angry and sticking up for yourself. You have been doing Plan A as best you can, time for Plan B because you are so hurt and his attitude isn't changing. Is there anyone who can be an intermediary for you regarding child and finance issues that need to be discussed?

Take care, and keep posting.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by keep trying?:
<strong>The only acceptable response to hear at this point is that he has broken off the affair and would like to work on the marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi, I'm sorry for his continued lying and I know how that feels. The above statement you made is the attitude you should try to live by. If it's too hard dealing with him about the kids is there a family member or friend who could be a middle person for you?

I think it's a good idea you are taking some meds. to help you through this.

You H will continue with his subtle comments about wanting the marriage so you'll continue to wait for him. Have you written a Plan B letter?

I wish you all the best as you continue to heal and recover yourself (at this point)!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am feeling very sad today. Yesterday, I felt angry and strong but today just sad again. I guess I feel now that there is no hope that our marriage will work out. I need to let go but it is so difficult after almost 12 years of marriage and being together for 17 years. I need help in not obsessing about him anymore. I started the anti-depressants but they will not starting working for a few weeks. I applied for a new job today and did some housecleaning. How do you best deal with loss of hope? I think I've always had a little up to now. Now that I'm pretty sure he is living with the OW, my little hope has slipped away. Thanks.