Hello all!
I've been lurking for a bit, read the book several times over & many posts here, hoping plan A would be enough to bring WH home.
Our story in brief... Married nearly 23 years, 4 kids ages 22, 20, 8 & 5...Felt we had a great marriage most of those years though stress plate was pretty full with childrens serious health issues, loss of job/financial problems, H's family history of mental illness and his own increasing anxiety & depression. H met OW on the internet in Fall '98. She was in Ohio, we are in NY. Long distance A began by Spring '99. I found out in July'99. To say I was devistated is a gross understatement. He broke it off for several months but then she moved here and removed the barrier of distance. The A began again and in Aug 2000 he left us to move in with her.
H was a wonderful husband, great father and a decent, honorable Christian man. We were a very devout and devoted family. We believed our marriage vows were sacred and special. Now, I hardly recognize this man who can't look me in the eye and whose every word and action is like a knife in my heart.
Over the last 6 - 9 months, he has admitted that he is miserable. He says he knows he has ruined my life and that of the children. He spends a lot of time with the kids and is here every weekend, often sleeping over in the guest room. I have been following all the principles of Plan A for a long time now (I know it's TOO long, but please don't yell at me!) H has read the book as well-- though he seems to be fixated on the parts that talk about his addiction... as if somehow that justifies his inability to make the decision to leave the OW and act on it. In addition to the MANY, MANY talks we have had where he tells me he doesn't want to loose me and knows he needs to come home, he also sees a private therapist (is on and off anti-depressents) and belongs to a 12 step group (for his emotional addiction), so is TALKING this thing to death.
On his urging, we have recently started to see a marriage counselor together. Initially, I am glad to go as I love my H very much and do want to heal our marriage. However, I've also told him (and the therapist) that the one condition for working on our marriage that for me is not negotiable is that the A must end.
Two years have passed since he moved out... we have hashed and rehashed the need for him to end this "self-destructive" affair (his description--not mine though I definately agree)... his kids want him home... I miss him every day and every night but will NOT share him willingly. My options are running out. I am left with no choice but plan B. I am hesitating only because he is the one who asked to start counseling and I don't want to cut off whatever promise might develop from it.
I am physically tired, emotionally exhausted, spiritually spent, lonely and really, REALLY sick of all of this.
At this point, advice/insight from ANYONE who has been where I am now would most appreciated!
