I have been questioning my feelings while in Plan B. What I am questioning is the fact that I don't want to talk to nor see my wife (WS) at all. Is this a normal feeling? The little contact we have had in the past four weeks has just gotten me very upset after we have spoken. I am believe I feel this way from all the pain/hurt that she has given me in the past ten months. I was sitting in bed last night thinking about my wife. I miss my wife but I don't miss who she is now. If that day comes that everything works out with us I will be a very happy person. At the same time if things don't work out and my wife stays the way she is right now I don't think I will be too heart broken. Well I will be heart broken just not as bad I suppose.
Are these normal feelings while in Plan B? Are these my emotions screwing with me? I am trying to figure out if I am drifting away or if these are normal feelings we all go through.

Hi confused,

I have to say I'm going through the same things you are at this time. I walked out three months ago after she told me of her A. In that time I have had no contact with her at all, nor have I had an urge to. It feels the longer I stay away the less concerned I become about getting back together. At first I was convinced I wouldn't even make through the night when I sat here alone and thought about everything. But as time has passed that feeling doesn't hit as often, or as strongly. I'm even beginning to have doubts as to whether I would speak with her if she makes attempts to make contact with me. I don't know if this is part of the emotional roller coaster we have to ride on, but since more then one of us is going through it I would have to guess it's just another phase we have to face. I'll admit. If this is another phase, it's not as difficult as some of the things we've experienced early on.
Sorry I wasn't much help. Just wanted you to know your not alone

Best Regards,
N61

confused_guy,

It is very normal. First you don't want to get hurt again and second the more time apart the more you realize what you want in this life. This is about you. By the end of plan B if she is not turning around you will have no more "feeling" toward your WW. It will make it easier for you to be in "self recovery" and ready to move on. The first few months in "the imposed plan B", I still shed some tear when I think about what lies ahead of me ... now I am very excited about it. I am ready to rebuild my life and my future and this time I will use MB to care & protect my relationship. I am now watching from outside "the soap opera" of my WW, OM & OMw; I have removed myself out from being one of the character in it. Plan B w/ NC helps me tremendously.

-RH-

Well, I thought I was the only one! I've been in Plan B for 11 months, with maybe 5 email contacts only (about financial matters). From almost the start of Plan B I've not wanted to hear from WH, and certainly didn't want to see him. The man he's become is a stranger to me, and not one I'd normally chose to know. Sometimes friends will tell me they've spoken to WH, but I don't even feel the urge to ask them any questions.

My attitude has been that I'm suffering severely from the betrayal, and I need to care for myself. I don't want to do, say or hear anything unless it has a positive effect on me. Why increase my pain for no positive gain, and there is nothing positive to be gained while WH is still in the affair.

Plan B has been good for me, and I'm now glad I went into it so quickly. Sure I'm on the rollercoaster, but it's not as bad as if I had to deal with a WH in the fog. I've learned to live by myself, for myself, and have gotten used to the idea of being without him for the rest of my life.

I don't even really want WH back, which makes me feel rather guilty as I see so many BSs here wanting to try so hard. I loved my WH very deeply for 18 years (married 17), but my love was based on his moral character and his kindness, caring and honesty. He's shown himself to be capable of behaviour I despise, and I don't feel I could gain that love back for him. I also don't have the energy (I'm disabled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) to spend on reconciliation for years and years.

Evensong

I love my WH with all my heart, but lately I feel the same way. I feel as though I'm controlling my emotions and not allowing myself to "want" him though. I think perhaps I'm just preparing myself for the inevitable.

We haven't had too much contact since he got home Saturday afternoon (was away on business for a week). He's spending time with his boys and the last time we really spent time together was Sunday night for his grandmother's birthday dinner. We have talked on the phone, but the conversations are usually choppy (we don't communicate very well and we both get frustrated). He's away for the weekend with his kids and then I'm away for most of next week with mine. He also travels for 3 weeks in August.

Time will tell I guess!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I've been in Plan B since Jan 02. My sitch is a bit different. Since day that WS walk out he was the one that wanted no contact and I was the pursuer.

I changed that in Jan by going to Plan B. Since then I have only contacted him twice regarding urgent matters and he has phoned me about three times. So basically there is no contact.

I am also at the point now where I don't feel like speaking to WS any longer. We've had dinner a couple of weeks ago, even though I enjoyed the dinner their was no anxiety on my side and no longing for him to fall back into my arms. I could go home and read a book.

It is also like Redhat said good watching this endless soap opera unfolding from the outside.

Plan B is about you and regaining your emotional strenght which the A has sapped but you also find out a lot of other things about yourself.

After all the intense emotions Plan B was a good path for me.