I have been married for 10 months, but we were dating for 7 years, we have a 6yr.old boy. My husband has put me through so much and I have always been there for him, but I just found out that he has been cheating. He says that he loves me and that she doesn't mean anything to him. I decided to stay and try to make things work, but I can't stop thinking about it and when I want to talk to him about it he tells me just to forget about it. He doesn't seem to see the pain he has caused me. How do even start to trust him? I feel like when he tells me that he loves me that it's a lie. If anyone can give me any help it is greatly appreciated.<P>

Rosario~<BR>Welcome, it's really a difficult time in your life right now and you must have some feelings that are out of this world and really hard to deal with. The very first thing I would advise you of is to breath, breath again, and again. Each time making each breath deeper and deeper. This was the hardest thing for me, I forgot to breath I was in so much pain.<BR>The other thing you need to do is read. Read as much as you can about this subject. Dr. Harley has some excellent books and really points you in the right direction. You can't read enough. I also read "Surviving an Affair"- really good about dealing with some of the issues that come up as you go along the recovery trail.<BR>Another suggestion would be counselling. You will both need it. Both of you will have some heavy issues to deal with and they are especially hard when things are so much in turmoil. Remember to take the time to breath anytime you have some issues you want to deal with, it stops you from just lovebusting and makes it possible to just ask the question without being excessively critical, this is HARD!!<BR>The other thing I would like to tell you is that there are success stories out there. There are people who care and will help you here on this board as well. I am fortunately a success story and I put alot of the credit to this board, it is a wonderful support place. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

welcome rosario to the MB forum.<BR>The good news- yes you cant trust and rebuild your marriage. I suggest that you read all of the info here on the forum- his needs, her needs, etc ( found on the main page) and read. post, ask questions.<BR>We here all represent both sides of 6the fence- betrayed and betrayers. This is a great sit where people share their experience, strength, hop, hurt, and anger. We all understand the emotions, the feeling of insanity, etc.<BR>Dont be afraid to ask any questions here- just stay.<BR>would he be willing to go to counseling?<BR>i hope things can be worked out- we cant guarantee your marriage being saved- we can guarantee you will get thru it.<BR>stay awhile, we're glad your here, but unhappy by the circumstances that found you here.

Welcome <B>Rosario</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Rosario, <BR>it is quite common for the betrayer to just want to forget the whole thing and not to talk about it anymore.It's the way some people deal with things they're not too proud of.<BR>I'm not really sure what to tell you since I don't know much about your situation, but I think that for now, you should just pay attention to his actions and what he's doing to "make it better". As a rule, as long as you see him making an effort and finding positive things it will help you to get the trust back. It will take a long time though and there might be some setbacks. If possible try not to talk about it as long as you can see that he is still defensive about it. I used to write all my questions and tings I needed to know in a journal that I gave him only when I could see he would be able to answer. I got my answers many montha after.<BR>Take care<BR>Kat

I have a question,I love my husband regardless of what he has put me through and I do want to work it out with him, but I'm mad and upset for what he has done, and when I try to be nice and try to make it work I keep thinking about how betrayed me and I won't let myself be happy with him. Why am I doing this? I lost!!!!!!

Rosario, <BR>This is a typical reaction, if anything in this thing could be called typical. You have a right to your anger, this is normal and expected.... If someone hurt you physically it takes time to heal and during that time the wounds usually fester, like any other wound, it needs to develope a scab. This is what I compare this time with. Once again, I strongly urge you both to go to counselling to vent these feelings in a safe way, you need to be able to express your pain, have him understand, and have him know what it takes to rebuild that trust, that leap of faith you will have to make eventually in trusting him again is an earned thing, and unless you have some guidance you won't be able to express this productively. Another book that I would suggest to you is "Dancing with Anger" this helped me understand sometimes that the anger and pain that I had have a basis and I needed to see what that basis was before I could deal with it effectively. Remember, we are here for the real you, the one that wants to vent but feels unsure, so if you feel the need to yell in pain it will be heard and understood here......God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>