After a half hearted and not good enough plan A-i dicovered MB only after I found out that she commited already to another guy while we were working it out I think It's time to mive to plan B.I just found out about 4 days ago that she has somebody else.Now I have compelling evidence that she was in touch with the OM before and during the months we were separated and "working it out",and commitement to her meant simply agreeing to have sex and him spending the nights there .I have 2 kids ,but at this point in time I don't think that dragging with plan A would solve anything but hurt me and the kids even more.Now they're gone for a few days vacation,but as soon as they come back I plan to get an agreement and some kind of paperwork going,not divorce 'cause I still hope ,but a separation agreement .The way I see it ,for the last year or so she was looking on Internet chats,she found him,stayed in touch,he changed his online profile to Long Term Relationship while me and her was still talking about solving our problems and she was supportive and giving me hope,while he was going over at her after we were finished talking....These are facts,I have compelling evidence.
I think I've been duped and don't see anything but plan B.
How do you guys/gals think I should move on to this so I don't come across as vengencefull, cause I'm not,I just think it's that time .

Mike - in some ways the circumstances are right for going to plan B, except that you mention "half-hearted and not good enough plan A". You have to lay some foundation using plan A, and when you go to plan B it should not be in response to a specific event, at least not one that she knows you know about.

In your other thread, you said she suggested you take until the end of this year to find someone else. Well, this is no time to start dating, but maybe you can use that end-of-year as a guideline, for how long to plan A. This will be difficult while separated (I never did plan A while separated).

You can get some advice from others on how to do this, but honestly I suggest you try a counseling session with Steve or Jennifer Harley as well. Your situation is special enough (starting MB in the middle, plan A while separated) that I think professional guidance is well worth it.

Good luck.

Hello,

Just looked in this plan A/ plan B section to see who was using this these days. TMMX replied to many of my posts last year and me his. I notice TMMX that you filed for divorce, I'm so sad for you. After a failed attempt at reconciliation last Otcober because my H lied about ending the A. He came back properly in January 2002 after I had done plan B. My plan B was from 26 October 2001 to mid January 2002 meaning he didn't have Christmas with us (us meaning me, the kids and our parents and siblings). It did the trick, Christams with OW instead turned out to be much less meaningful and was something that made him realise what he was missing...so, to cut a long story short....PLAN B CAN WORK.

The downside to plan B is that you are deliberately putting them in a situation where they can see even more of OW/ OM. The time my FWH had with OW during the plan B period still causes me anger sometimes, but then without this, he may never have come out of the fog and come home with his tail between his legs (figuratively speaking) at all.

Hope plan B does do the trick for you Mike 12345 if you are sure its time.

Also, TMMX, if you've come back to read this post my thoughts are with you. I've often wondered how things worked out for you.

Love and prayers,
Wounded One
(I usually post in recovery these days if you want to catch up with my story)