James,<BR>It's been a long tough road hasn't it?I want you to know that i love you and our boys more than anyhting in this entire world.I want our marriage to work more than anything in this entire world also.<P>But,you have to know that all the things that have been going on lately have definitely thrown a red flag to me.So,I have an idea.Remember last New Years we had sort of a truth day?I think we should do the same this year.I would like to start the New Year and a new Millenium out with no secrets and knowing we both have the same goal in life.I know how you hate these long drawn out talks.But James,we both need to be happy whatever it takes.Maybe we can finally open that bottle of champagne we have had and celebrate a new life together with a clean slate.<P>If you could i would like you to put yourself in my shoes for a few minutes.I have really put myself in your shoes and I know it must be terribly hard to deal with if you are being honest and have done nothing wrong.I want to believe in you so badly.But you have got to admit that the things that have been going on lately and the stories I have heard seem a bit far fetched.The things that are bothering me the most are:<BR>1.This house that is supposedly Russel's.Now,I have seen you over there several times myslef.I have also seen Rena' over there more times than I can count.I hope you can understand my doubts and fear about this.I watched her myself the other night just walk on in just liek she lived there.Now,we both know that either she is hanging out with Russel or this is her house.In either case,I feel you should not go there anymore if there is a chance she could be there.A big part of me wants to just go over there and knock on the door.The other part of me says I don't want to cause problems between you and your friends.<P>2.The phone number.The story i heard about why Rena' answered the phone at what was supposedly Russel's number seems far fetched to me also.think about it.if I told you this story would you think something is up?<P>3.The baby.I know you say this IS NOT your child.It is so hard for me to get it through my head that it is not.I have told you countless times before,if it is that I will help you and we can still be a family.The mere fact that you are listed as the Father on the child's birth certifictaer makes me ill.Somehow,someway both of us have got to know the truth.If this is a secret you are hiding from me then you are putting a wedge between us.<P>There are a few other things I feel need to be straightened out but I won't mention them here.Right now I feel the 2 biggest problems in our marrige are:<BR>1.Rena' and all the problems she has caused us.Yes,I brought some of them on us myself.But as of late I have not.Such as me jsut sitting at a stoplight and her pulling up beside me and fliping me off.What have I ever done to her?Not a damn thing.The only thing I have done is be your wife.I"m sorry she does not like that but that's the way it is.<P>2.Money.This is the root of many of our problems.I feel we can come up with some kind of workable compromise in order for us to work togehter and stop the arguing about ti all the time.<P>James,I came to this forum and posted here about this because I wanted some outside opinions.I figured maybe that woudl help us both.<P>I will make a promise to you right now though.Whatever you tell me I will not ask that we separate.I just want to know what is going on and I want to know the truth.I know if I had beent he one to have beent elling you all the stories you have been telling me you would definitely think i was up to something.This is not the frst time this has happened about her suddenly being involved with one of your friends.Remember the friend that lived on Roselynn lane?Same story.<P>I am begging you to be honest with me.If there is something going on with her I am asking you to stop and to save our marriage and family.I will help you through it.I have read ont hsi sight about withdrawal form the OW and how affairs should end.It is just not right that we have been back together now for 2 years and both of us are still being bothered by this woman.I have tried to go about it the right way and that doesnt work either.<P>I love you James.It's only fair that if you havent been truthful with me to bring it out now.I would like to start off a fresh new year and a new life with you.But I have to get over this hurdle.I will do what i haev o do to resolve this within my mind.it hurts very badly.I want to shut this door adn open a new one with you.But if you are keeping anythign from me it makes it harder for us to be close again.<P>I hope I didn't anger you with this.I just really needed to get it out.Since we arent going out for new years I figured this would be the perfect time to put everything out on the table and then leave it behind.I guees I am using the new year as a symbol for us to start a new life.<P>ILOVE YOU.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>
