I sure could use some encouragement. A little over three months ago, did Plan B for two weeks. H agreed to NC and we were working on things, then I found out he contacted her, they talked several times. He is currently on a business trip in her city and told her where he is staying. She told me she planned to see him and he admitted he has done nothing to stop her from seeing him. Feels he can not change how he feels about me--he loves me but can not help "how I treated him made him feel" Think he just keeps blaming me and also says that his A has nothing to do with our marital problems. Fog, I believe!

I have to move back home with parents as where we are living is new to me--no support system etc.

Anyone else going through this with words of advice or encouragement? I sure could use it!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Anne6263:
<strong>I sure could use some encouragement. A little over three months ago, did Plan B for two weeks. H agreed to NC and we were working on things, then I found out he contacted her, they talked several times. He is currently on a business trip in her city and told her where he is staying. She told me she planned to see him and he admitted he has done nothing to stop her from seeing him. Feels he can not change how he feels about me--he loves me but can not help "how I treated him made him feel" Think he just keeps blaming me and also says that his A has nothing to do with our marital problems. Fog, I believe!

I have to move back home with parents as where we are living is new to me--no support system etc.

Anyone else going through this with words of advice or encouragement? I sure could use it!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry to hear this Anne, as chance would have it, I went to Plan B today. So I cannot really offer much "knowledge" about it except to say that what brought me here was a long, very planned process.

Perhaps you'd care to read some of it on the GQII forum. I have several threads, called "affairs that don't end..."

I did want to comment on one thing, the comment about the A and the marital problems being two different things, as well as blaming you for the A...well, that's exactly what my wife still says...said it to Steve Harley again yesterday right before we made the decision to go to Plan B. So, yes, it is fog-talk, and pretty textbook at that.

Have faith, work hard, and you too may recover your M.

Spacecase,
Sorry to hear that you are in my shoes. I hope we can offer each other hope and encouragement in the future. How are your kids handling things? It must be hard with kids that can understand what is going on.
Anne

Anne,

Are you currently separated from your H? If so, I think you should go back to no contact with him until he agrees to end the A.

My H and I separated 3 months ago and we had 3 solid days of no contact with each other. He sent me a 3 page letter saying he wanted to work on the marriage and then he called me. We've pretty much gone back to our old ways, but we are still living apart. We spend most if not all of our free time together and we sleep at one place or the other most every night. It's a bit strange, but is qworking for us at the moment (see my thread "marriage apart" to get all the details).

I don't think my H is currently involved with anyone on the side. From everything I see (cell phone bills, email, etc.) he is doing his best to keep his nose clean.

One requirement I did have for reconciling is that he needed to go to counseling for his childhood issues then have me join for marital counseling at some point down the road. Well, in 2 months he's been to 1 counsling appointment. He rescheduled another then "forgot" to go. This says a lot to me and will be a bigey when I decide to make a decision to reconcile physically or not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he loves me but can not help "how I treated him made him feel"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know what you did, but I don't think you deserve this "in your face" treatment for it.

You know what's best for you and what you can handle. Plan B is for your own sake and sanity. Read up on what it is and isn't on the forums or in the articles.

Good luck!

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