My H confessed that he was in L with a co-worker. They were having an EA. I eventually confronted the OW who turned around and dumped my WH (14 months ago). He was crushed. He used all the cliches on me:

"I don't think I ever loved you"
"I've never felt like this before" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, we've been separated for 18 months now. We are just now developing a dialogue/ firendship, and we'll see if it's possible to go the next level, trust. This is not necessarily a reconciliation. We just miss eachother. Problem is, without going through the natural splitup of that EA, how can I tell if he's over her? How can you tell if someone has completed withdrawl? Do WS ever get stuck there, and never get over the OP? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi,

Have you and WH had contact at all during the separation? Who initiated the current contact?

18 months seems like an awful long time to still be pining away for someone. I've been crushed before and thought I couldn't breathe without the person, but within 6 months I was well on my way to forgetting about the guy.

I think at some point you really need to open this up with your H as I think it will haunt your relationship no matter what level you take it to. It sounds like right now you are just trying a friendship out for size with no "bf/gf" stuff.

Keep posting!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Free2BMe, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It was an awful separation. When the OW dumped him, she was scared because her actions were caught and of course, confronted by me. Not wanting to be a homewrecker, she cried harrassment. Since then, the staff told me that she was NO victim. They fired my H, saying that if they had to stand in from of a jury, they would lose cause the other, is a woman. He wsa fired August last year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Since last December, we barely spoke at all. Always tense or worse, I think he blamed me for being fired. He was pretty deluded about the OW too. At that time, even though he hadn't seen her in months, he convinced himself that the OW claimed harrassment to get him fired on purpose so that they could sue the company together. Good grief! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Over the last several months he has expressed to me and others that he would like to be my friend BUT no reconciliation.

I called him up 2 months ago to start dialogue. I gave him the choice to continue or not. We've had a handful of good talks since. His mental health has returned to about 50% so far.

See when my H strayed, he (it's the truth) went through a serious mental and emotional breakdown, almost like a midlife crisis. And before that, our marriage was good. My H confirms that. So am I wrong to hope for something with him? And how do I gauge his feelings for the OW while doing plan A? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />