It has been about 1.5 years since my first discovery of WW's many many A's. I have done Plan A then Plan B then Plan A. My W has so many layers of emotional problems that I feel she will never abandon her crutches of neurotic behavior, bitterness, abusiveness, and yes probably still cheating. It's 4:12 AM. WW is out to a birthday party at the bar, which closed more than three hours ago... This feels very familiar to me for many reasons other than the obvious. WW just came back from a week with Mom to think over our marriage. I know she probably met some stud who drove down to Iowa from Minnesota so please don't warn me. I checked the cell phone logs today and there were at least 4 blocked number calls. That's how I caught her last time. Many other numbers too. I think her 17 year old neice helps her. there is a lot of psuedo juvenile acting out here. Leave it to assumption that I have "owned my responsibility."

Here is the crux of the situation. Wife says i am too un-forgiving. I am too bitter. I check up on her too much still. She says: "It's been a year, why does it still bother you?" She has also threatened to leave based on that point. Now she isn't threatening just thinking. She is all concerned about me not controlling her. I have tried stupidly to control her actions, but she never acted remorseful. No blatant signs. She was able to "behave" for a short few months. It has been like the time right after our wedding, but then she had the baby and lost some weight. It's weird, when she's fat she's good. When she's thin she's gone.

Just an update:

Wife called at 7AM and said she got drunk and slept it off at her neices' (this is a former party girl slut of the first order that would do anything to lie for her Auntie, they're about the same age)

I made Wife call me back from the house phone so that I would have a way to check back and see if it was a guy's house. If it can be confirmed that she's at it again She is outta here like a Japanese train! I confronted wife on phone but she said nothing was going on, but she didn't want to disturb my slumber. ((( I WAS UP FROM 2:15 THIS MORNING!!!!! ))) After 5:15 I went to my bed but slept hardly a wink. She was home by 8 - 8:30.

A new low for her! This was her first all-nighter.

She's been telling me she has had no feelings for me for about two months. I finally believe her. God help me...

So very sorry for all that you are going through. It doesn't sound as if your WW wants to take any responsibility for her actions. Did your Plan B end too quickly? I feel that I took my WH back too quickly without a true commitment on his part. I am now back to Plan B with a vengeance! At some point, the reserves you have for dealing with this and continuing Plan A start to run out and you risk losing your love for this person.

Trying to control her did not MAKE her take the actions that she takes. That is all her responsibility! Change what you need to change to make you a better person, but don't take on her stuff! I know, I do it all the time. It is a constant battle for me to know where my control ends and her responsibility ends. Don't you think they chose us to help them put limits on themselves, and then blame us later for those limits? We are not their parents, we are supposed to be equal adult partners. Am I dreaming that this is possible?

She does what she does because she wants to and because there are no adverse consequences to her doing it.

You have to ask yourself if you have any hope that she will become a good W in the future. If not, then you must start taking the steps to move forward with you and your child's lives. But if you still have hope, then I would suggest that you consult with the Harley's because they are the experts and can open your eyes as to whether your M is salvageable or not.

Good luck and God bless.

Update:

I moving to the divorcing page, because I just learned that WW never quit seeing OM. OM is emotionally significant to her as well. WW always said he was just a fling. WW lied to me. Anne you are just soo right. WW's best freind got sick of her lying and bull****. I am surrounded by liars, time to clean up. Pastor met me this morning 7am. I rediscovered my sin, but threat of divorce by WW led me to find my full fault and freedom through repentance. WW doesn't care too much about my repentance. I am co-dependant and passive agressive. (Ironic humor break)(And if you don't believe me I'll start a fight with you and lose the fight, but only if you are abusive and controlling) For 10 long years I have let WW run my life. My lack of a significant Father figure and constant manipulation and exploitation by everyone else in the family left feeling worthless and my only vent was to find a project in the form of my WW. In a nutshell, I needed her to be sick in the head so I could fight with her and lose.

I love my Wife but she is too sick to be married to.

Goodbye

By the way tmomorrow at 5 we meet with the counselor for the last time probably because we will go to the courthouse right away. At 5pm I will tell WW that I know she was lying all along.

For the first time I will see the real person.

I'm scared.