My wife and I had just gotten back from our 12th anniversary when I found out she was having an affair for about a month with another married man from work. We had always been very happy together but lately I had been going out of town to much and for to long for work and didn't see the pain I was creating. She says it is over with him and wants to work though this but how can I forget about it when every anniversary it will come back to haunt me? I've had the happiest day of my life become the worse day. Can anyone help me!

Thanks

Sorry, nothing to add IT. I am pretty new here also. Just giving you a bump so the "wise ones" may have another chance to see your post.

Welcome I'M TRYING...

There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)

About your post...

Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).

Avoid rash action(s)...
Avoid quick unreasoned decisions.

Learn the concepts here...
...grow... into self.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim / NSR

I am on the other side of the situation as a WW, but I also have a couple of ruined special days. There are two ruined days in our lives. I slept with OM the first time the day after my H's birthday - we had all been out to celebrate. My H says he's never going to celebrate his birthday ever again. Then D-day was the night before our 12 year anniversary (since we started dating). The first day of separation, when we should've been out celebrating, was our anniversary.

I'm not sure how on earth we'll ever completely forget about it, or if our anniversaries will ever feel quite the same again, but from some of the recovery tales I've read on MB, it sounds like the stronger marriages that sometimes result may overshadow trigger days like anniversaries (or so we can hope). Perhaps take some time to read some of the success stories on the recovery board.

Just thought I'd let you know I feel somewhat the same. I will check back to this thread to see if anyone has any ideas about how we can "forget about it when every anniversary it will come back to haunt" us.

For now, rejoice in the fact that she has ended the A, and wants to work through things with you and be with you. That's a BIG step in the right direction!!

Take care,

Jen

If the A only lasted a month, it couldn't have been much. Nevertheless, I know it still hurts.

I know how you feel about your anniversary. Last month was our 11th anniversary... WW spent the nite w/ OM, and lied about it. On my last b-day, she celebrated it w/ me, but spent the next 2 nites w/ OM and lied about it. We celebrated Thanksgiving at her sister's house, then spent the rest of the weekend w/ OM and lied about it. She left our boys w/ me on Christmas Eve and spent the next 3 days w/ OM and lied about it. She took my boys to OM's house to color Easter eggs and lied about it. WW took my boys to OM's house to spend Memorial weekend w/ him and lied about it. July 4th, she told me she left OM and told me she wanted to work on our M... but was lying. Hmmm.... any more?

So, I know what you say. Most Holidays will be ruined for a while for me thanks to her thoughtlessness.

It will all be (mostly) forgotten someday.

tjs