I am about ready to implement Plan-B. This makes me very sad of course, but I feel as though nothing will change if I allow things to continue.

My wife is going to a 5 day conference for her company starting on this Wednesday. I was thinking of sending her a Plan-B letter while she is away (as opposed to hitting her with the news prior to an already stressful conference). The letter would be waiting when she returns to her apartment.

Details:
After ending EA, WW moved out to "find herself".
Says she doesn't feel the same way toward me.
Doesn't wear wedding ring.
Shows little affection, pecks on the cheek.
Says she loves me daily and calls often.
I have already Plan A'd for a full year.

Her behavior: She talks to coworkers and friends as though I don't exist. Example, -I take her out to a movie and dinner, we laugh and have a great time. But later when she talks on phone with friends while I'm there in the room, she says 'Oh, I went to the movies'). It's a feeling I get, it's like she's talking *around* me somehow. Does that make sense?

I feel as though her journey to 'find herself' is just an excuse to not be responsible. Meanwhile she still has good ol' stupid me to miss her and love her. I really honestly do not believe that she is dating anyone. She says she does not want a divorce, -only time to herself. But I'm thinking of going to Plan B because so far she does nothing to help heal our marriage. She asks to see me often, but again, little affection and always the same kind of airy attitude toward our marriage. It's like she is just enjoying attention from other people, while always having me to see or talk to when she feels lonely.

It hurts me to have to do this, but I don't see much improvement in her since she moved out two months ago. I'm not looking to date anyone else, I love her so very much. It just makes me sad every time she leaves.

Would someone direct me to some good Plan B letters? Should I Plan B? Does any of what I say make sense?

Plan B Update.

I told my WW that it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore until her apartment lease is over (four months from now). I told her that I love her very much and that I do NOT want a divorce. But seeing her is difficult for me and she is sometimes verbally abusive and I just don't want to live like this anymore.

I was calm and loving as I told her these things. She surprised me by not getting angry or spiteful sounding. She just started sobbing. She asked if she should just clear all her stuff out of our home and take our cat to her apartment. I told her again that this does not mean divorce, only that maybe it would clarify things for her better if she didn't see me. Then she could "find herself" more easily. In the meantime she can come by when I'm working to visit our cat and do laundry. But we will not see each other.

She assured me that she was not seeing anyone, that the A is long over with and that she just feels ashamed of herself. She said that some man asked her out while she was shopping and that she declined. She told me she immediately went to a restroom in the mall and had to splash water on her face because the idea of dating someone else made her feel ill. I think she told me these things because she is afraid that my Plan B means that I am interested in seeing & dating other people while she is gone. I am not and I told her so. I said that I love her and want to stay married and meet her needs.

This made her start crying again and she said that she feels shame at having had the A and that when she looks in the mirror she feels old and ugly. I did not answer these things with words of encouragement as I normally would. I only reiterated my point that if she doesn't know if she wants to stay married to me, then I don't want to live my life pretending while she makes up her mind. "It has to be real, or I don't want it," I said.

Like I say, I was compassionate but I did not waver. I am going to stick to this and I will continue to be my best. It's tough going and my eyes burn from wanting to cry. But so far I haven't done so.

I know how you feel...Geez, these stories sound more and more alike.

I understand the "talking around" issue. Now things are "her car and my car" vs. "our cars". Everything is either hers or mine. Ours isn't a word anymore. It's almost as if it's said enough, it is true.

I told my wife about a week ago to cut contact or leave. It was 4 days before she could give a "I'm not sure." type answer. She's sleeping in another bedroom. I can't take this anymore either.