Talked to H tonight and say's no way to any plan. Say's that his A is the best thing that has ever happened to him. Say's that he has never felt 'love' like this before. Want's a divorce after 9 years of marriage and 2 children. There is a 16 year age diffence between H and OW. Even though H knows that I have changed and I explained I could meet his needs. H still does not want to try. H still insists that "divorce" is the solution and wants to marry OW some day. It seems like I am the only person trying here. The separation was only 9 weeks ago, when he meet this person. He claims that he was not looking but feel in love right away? I'm in danger of losing a 12 year relationship and I know what I did wrong and want to fix it. Is there such thing as no plan A or B just divorce? Not sure if H is still in a cloud, he does not want to give up A for anything am I just a fool. Should I just roll over and give him a divorce? So confused since H has left and he decided this all in only 9 weeks. I did have a not clue this would happen, he said he tried but I told him I didn't hear until this happened. Maybe it was all my fault. Any advice?

usavings:

I don't know much about your story, but what you've described is very typical for a wayward spouse in "the fog."

His A is pretty new, still. You are NOT responsible for his decision 2 have an A! Only he and OW are. What do you know about her? is she M'd? Single? Are they living 2gether?

You certainly don't have 2 cooperate fully in a DV if you don't want one. Many people here have stalled DV proceedings and succeded in restoring their Ms. A lot depends on the DV laws in the state you live in.

He may not be interested in any "plans", but you can certainly do your best plan A without his approval. And that's in effect what you're doing. A number of people have been "forced" by the WS's choice 2 leave 2 do plan A remotely. It's harder, but it can be done. Are you in counseling? If not, you should start. If he'll go with you, great, but go yourself FOR yourself if he won't.

Keep reading and posting 2 this forum. There are many here with similar experiences that can help!

I'm so sorry that his words have wounded you. It is heartwrenching to hear the person you love say them. For what it's worth, what he means by love is probably nothing more than adolescent infatuation with a younger woman. Real love is your sacrifice in saving your M and family, and changing yourself for the better as a person. You should feel proud that you are a good spouse and good mother.