Husband had affair and denies it, now he is perfect husband if you forget all the lies. Sure he hasn't seen her in two years but not sure it'sreally over since he denied it . Could still be in contact and THAT makes me not trust him. Can't discuss it anymore, we argue and its he said she said. Dead end. He refused to take responsibility for getting caught. I found a gift for her in his office in our home. He said I hallucinated and really didn't see it. Ha. Others things THEN all added up that he was having an affair. No doubt at all. Think he is really ashamed as he is the last person you would expect, arent' they all ha. Would either plan a or B help under this situation??? Should I forget and move on ?? I want to but it hurts to think he lied for almost 2 years to me knowing I was going through emotional hell while he watched it. ??Never doubted he wanted me or marriage however. Just a long term friendship for sex. I understand the reason for affair and I accept it and forgive it but hard time forgiving the lying about it . How do I move on??? Tried everything????

hmmm...

Just by default I would say Plan A with absolutely no LBing for six months. After six months, see the status of your relationship, if there is improvement, try another six months.

Plan B is risky and often the couples never do reconcile and the separation become permanents (i.e. divorce). Plan B is a last ditch effort to fix a fatal flaw in marriage.

However, I'm no expert and you may want to talk with Harleys for better advice.

Aanast, I do all the plan A and no LB. He thinks things are great. He thinks that he can tell me I imagined everything and I will accept it and from then on trust him and live happily ever after. Naive , I know. I want to and things are okay as we are nicer etc to each other BUT, the fact that he still won't take personal responsibility for himself, makes me feel that he is still connected to her. If I were gone for a while I think he would see her, not sure, but to deny the ovious means he is still hiding something. Doing Plan A is easier for me now but its just not enough to accept his lies and move on. He lies to easily. Plan B is something I think I should have done right away. If I had told him I demanded truth and left maybe it would have resolved itself by now. I may still have to do that to get some kind of peace of mind. Like you said , last resort. Its a shame really as he has really tried but just doesn't get it, it looks like he is still hiding HER. thanks for reply.

perhaps the A is still on?

Is it possible that he has some contact that you are not aware of. Remember the policy of Radical Honesty. Are you both 100% honest with each other? Do you have access to his cell phone, pager, email, private accounts, etc? or does he hide things from you and tell you it is not your business or he needs his privacy?

I'm not sure what to tell you. I would suggest calling Steve Harley for some advice.