I can't stop thinking about the OP!!! I think I am obsessing! I keep thinking how she looks like, how come she is "better" than me, what she's doing, what she's planning to steal my husband from me, etc! Is this normal? I am thinking of going to a psychiatrist as quick as possible because this is eating me alive!
My H agreed to tell me, when he revealed the A, what she looks like (taller than me, thinner, brunnete, etc), but I don't know why I am so obsessed in knowing exactly who she is. When I am on the street, I feel hate and stare at every girl I see that could be her... I can't control this! When some strange girl looks at me I think she knows me, that's her, I feel like just walking to her and asking her name! Oh please tell me I'm not the only one doing this!
I know her cell phone number, her home number, her work number, her address, etc, it feels the more I know the more I wanna know, but I won't go to her coz he would find out and that would most probably be bad to us. He won't understand what I'm feeling, he gets mad at me for feeling like this and I know this is a huge LB but I can't seem to overcome it! They only kissed, but I keep imagining it in my mind - HIS kisses on HER lips! How dare he? I won't even start about my fantasies to kill her... that would be dangerous...

I think it is normal to want to know about the OP. Finding out about the A is a big blow to our egos, because we think it is about us vs. them. Somehow it is a competition thing that we feel and we want to know how someone could be better than us. Perhaps we want to know so we can change ourselves and be more attractive to our spouses. Plus we have normal curiousity. But honestly, what good (especially while the A is on) is finding out about OP going to do. The A must die a natural death and interfering with it makes things worse. Snooping and finding out about OP may help in terms of knowing whether or not the A is still on, but it just hurts our love accounts and if our WS finds out is an LB to them.

I often think about wanting to know more about OM. I have even thought about physically hurting OM. But those are just thoughts that I would never act on.

You mentioned that your thoughts are "eating you alive." When I first found out about my WW's A, I obsessed night and day about her, the A, and OM. Coupled with my agony, it was hard to function. However, I continue to get through it by keeping busy.

I recommend that you add more things to your life to keep you busy so you can't focus/think/obsess about OW. Hang out with friends more, start a new hobby, start up an old hobby, work out, take on more responsibilities/challenges at work, work on the house, exercise some more, keep very, very busy. The more you do stuff, the more your mind will focus on those things and not OW.

Your sanity will return.

<small>[ September 29, 2002, 01:57 AM: Message edited by: aanast2 ]</small>

I, too, obsessed with knowing more about OW. My WH and her were good "friends" for 3 years, working out together, going places together, etc, and I was called crazy for not liking it (he would say, "can't I have friends?"). So I began to accept it, although I did began to obsess about her, wondering what they were doing when they were together. But, I was bound and determined to "accept" this to keep our marriage together. Well, their "friendship" came to a physical relationship this summer. I found out the true nature of it September 8, and I have obsessed with it more than ever since then. I now wonder just how close they've been for a long time. What is she like in bed, what do they talk about, what did I do wrong, etc. I have tried to find out as much as I can about her---and I've found out a lot. Apparently, she has quite a history. (I had been warned about her, though, a long time ago). So, although I"m new at this, I do believe it is natural to obsess about it, but in my opinion you should remember that you can only change you. As a person said to me, you can't change another person's actions, only your reactions to their actions. So, I've tried to focus my attention to changing my reactions and working on improving ME for ME, not for anyone else. That is helping, but I feel like I"m on a roller coaster ride.