My H had an affair for 3 weeks in another country, with someone who was unbelievably cruel to me. Whether she wanted him or not she went after me with a vengence, getting him to see the worst, do the worst, believe the worst. Now he's always been very suggestible. But we have been together for 30 great years and he's never done anything like this. He does not understand how he ever fell for her except she was so powerful and determined. There's more involved. We have bought land and are moving to a 3rd world country where a small clique of Americans seem to have a fiefdom going and they don't want us there. Greed and racism is a mean combination. And we didn't have either. So if there is some ulterior motive on her part, it's because she is a member of this tiny group of bigots. Anyway. He left her and her little world and I can't feel too jealous when I hear about her kicking people, smelling etc.(yuck!). The problem is that he said so many things that he can't take back. He doesn't know how to explain it to me in a way that doesn't blame me. He even read all this site and he thinks he is now supposed to tell me all the bad things about me. And he had told me that there wasn't anything I had done to cause this. I mean, we are like rabbits. I'm pretty good at meeting those needs! He just can't seem to reach out to me with words that don't hurt me. He loves me, has no problem saying he does and wants us to be together, to remarry, etc. But he cannot seem to give me back my peace of mind. And I want to move to this country; it's still our "love" home, even tho' this would seem to ruin it. I'm not that needy, but what I need is an explanation. And all I get is, "I thought she was so great; she seemed to. . ." And "it was mind control." "I don't know why I went along with it." It's just not enough to say "I love you." He loved me before he left. (He's not hiding anything now, like email or calling her and she doesn't care about him either since she wanted his money and he wants it back, but has even given up on trying. there's been no contact since he left in November and there was only maybe 2 weeks when they were together. It's hardly a dream life--a cold water flat, with a smelly, violent woman, compared to me in silk stockings. Yet I can't seem to compete with whatever she did to him and to his perceptions.) Is he supposed to be saying, the Marriage Builders says I'm so be honest, let's see, what needs weren't you meeting that made me do this to you? Help.
whatawomen
