We celebrated on 30th Anniversary on Monday so happy that we made it after my H confessing 5 months ago he had been having an A with a co/worker since last Sept. We have been seeing a therapist up until a couple weeks ago. I really thought that finally we were coming together. Sept was a good month, no tears and my H told me he would even start looking for work elsewhere and give his 2 week notice on Nov.1st. I told him as long as he was seeing her 5 days out of the week our marriage couldn't survive so either he quit or we couldn't keep going like this.
Wednesday morning at my work, I just found out from a client that she had spotted him 300 miles away from here over the 4th of July with another woman. He had told me he needed to just get away camping & fishing alone for 4 days to "reflect" so I did the same thing. Our therapist thought this would be a good idea to just get away alone and reflect on the last 30 years of our marriage and how good it was and all the great memories we shared etc.etc. Needless to say, the next week when we meant with therapist he told us both a bunch of lies on how he had "reflected". His "reflection" was in the sleeping bag with her. He also lied to our son on what he had done for the 4 days (son 28 yrs.old)
I found out the A never did end. I was forced to go to Plan B. I kicked him out on Wednesday. The secret we had kept for 5 months from friends and family has now been revealed. I have been flooded with phone calls from friends and family for support and in disbelief. Everyone envied our great marriage and what a happy couple we were and couldn't believe the "gossip" they were now hearing in this small town.
My H called our daughter (26 yrs.old) and she hung up on him. She said she hates her dad for tearing his family apart for OW. Our son said he hates him also for lieing to him and won't speak to him as of yet. He said all he will do is yell at him so hasn't returned his calls.
I, needless to say am devastated. All of his personal thing are gone now, don't know where he is (probably with the OW)
I know its hard to believe, but I still really do love him even after this. I realise he is in a real "fog bank" and doesn't even realise what he has done and the results of his actions. He not only gambled my away but also his children, not counting of course the rest of family & friends. They have all said if they see him he would be sorry for what they had to say.
I told the kids that an "alien" has taken over their fathers body because this is not him. He was such a decent, hard working, respectable and very well liked by everyone who knew him and now nobody knows who he is. He has been lieing to everyone for a year now. Can "Mid Life Crisis" also cause chemicals in your brain to go "haywire"? I have been in plan A for 5 months and couldn't have tried harder to make him happy.
I told him all I wanted was to be the only woman in his life. Was that so much to ask after 30 years of marriage? He just couldn't release her.
I truly want him back but not the "alien" version, I want the original.
Any advice on where to go from here? I'm afraid if pride or fear of talking to me keeps him away then he will never come back to us. Is there anything any of you could recommend that I could do to let him know I still care and Love him so much and if he could just choose to let her go I know we could make the marriage work. Or do I just sit and wait and do nothing?
Still Confused..........