What about my love bank? I am the spouse of the H who had the EA. "I am making more out of it than it was" What about me? I am having an extremely hard time giving love and not LOVE BUSTING, when he is witholding and having to be pried to let me know things. I don't trust and like I told him about 30 minutes. I really don't care anymore, who he is with and what he does. Because I was angry with him because he was gone for 4 hours, ( getting his pay check, eating,somewhere with who?, going shopping with who?) All things he did during the EA. I am suppose to trust. But he does not give me that trusting feeling. I am love busting all over. But he doesnot let me in. He is witholding. I am scared and fearful he is still at it. Or am I just over doing it and not letting it go. Why am I so sick all the time about our relationship. Should not I feel better, if he is trying to work on this thing. Help me. I cannot go on this way. What about me, my feelings my love??

You're where I was this time last year. No advice...just know we're here for support. Take care of yourself.

You can't make him do anything, you can't control what he does when he is out of the house--or in the house for that matter . All you can do is take control of you. Not lovebusting is one way. Unconditional love is along the same lines...if you are expecting something back, you aren't loving unconditionally. This is something TNT told me many months ago and it irked me as much as my telling you will probably bug you.<P>But I am very sympathetic to you. My H had a full-flung, yet sporadic (they broke it off 3 different times) 18 month sexual/"in love" affair and there is absolutely no reason in the world for me to trust him. Nor does he expect me to...but just living together demands trust on my part. His withdrawal is easing, yet seems to me to be lasting forever. And, I've gotten that I'm "making more out of it than it was" as well. I hardly think so.<P>I try not to expect him to meet my needs--that way, if he does, great. If not, I'm not let-down. All I can recommend is become strong within yourself, and personally I get my strength from God. I also pamper myself, take long baths, light candles, listen to music, rent movies, play with the kids, talk to friends, I used to work-out (and SHOULD BE!). Do what you can to have your needs met so you are not so dependent on him. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>