There are so many new faces. I notice many of the old timers aren't posting. I guess you get to the point of just living day to day. Maybe even giving up to a degree. The only advice I can give to anyone is you can't change how the person you love feels about you, nor can you control what they do. All you can do is try to take care of yourself as best you can and try to do things for yourself that you never felt like you had time to do.<P>My situation still is strange. My H moved mid-November. He's been home a couple of times and I've been to visit him. He now says he loves me, etc. when we hang up on the phone or say goodbye. Problem is he's still not a happy person. I guess he knows I'm not the source of his unhappiness, but he is not a happy person. Can I make him get help? No. Will I reconcile with someone so unsatisfied with life? No. There was a time I would have settled for that, but not now. He will be here for New Year's. Hope it will be good.<P>My son's friend is still with me. She hasn't found a job yet. The relationship between her and my son is over. If anything good has come out of all this, it has opened his eyes that he needs to move forward and continue his education. I don't know how long she'll be with me, but she is a human being and I can't put her on the streets. No one in her family acknowledged her at Christmas. I bought her Christmas and she expressed such appreciation. I have seen none of what I've heard about her. I see a kid thrown to the wolves with no clue about life. My son has been told he can't come home until her situation is resolved. They don't get along and I can't stand the conflict. <P>Do I love my husband? I think I do but during Christmas I missed my home so badly. I couldn't even go look at lights. I found myself blaming him for everything gone wrong. I can't do that. I did tell him I just wanted to feel "normal" again, whatever that is. What is "normal" or "safe"? Will I ever feel that again? <P>Just wanting to touch base. I've been so busy at work with Y2K issues I haven't had a chance to keep up with everyone. It also saddens me to see so many new names. To all of you ... hang in there. Try to love 'em as long as you can. Happy New Year to all!!!!

Hi Janie,<BR>Yes I am a fairly new poster. Saw your post and wanted to say that you did have some good words, about trying to love them. I just posted something about MY love busters. It is so hard sometimes. I want this thing to be over. Some times I wonder if I can't let this thing go becasue I really would want him out. I just came to the knowledge about 2 weeks ago that he has been verbally abusing me. I never realized it til I read drirene.com web site. Maybe I am just about dead from that and his "little" EA is finishing me off. I am getting cold and hard. Haven't see counselor in over 2 weeks and I am having D.T.'s. Not that I like giving $40 away but this counselor is making me see what is really going on in this crazy relationship. I am scare,angry,lonely,etc. Not feeling to good about life or the new year, but want to say hello.<BR>Overcomer

Overcomer -- you sound a lot like I feel at times. Sometimes you do just want them to go. I've been pretty content since moving out, but there are times when I get low and down and miss him pretty bad. I know time will take care of the situation, but in the meantime it sure is hard.

Hi Janie,<BR>Our similar paths it seems have diverged a bit. It's been nearly 5 weeks since my H moved home. Very little of it has gone easily. He walked out one night this week and I told him not to come back, then quickly said I didn't mean it...<P>If he hadn't come home that night, I would have filed for divorce. He did come home a couple hours later, but I realize how close I am to being finished with his crap. I told him if he can't treat me well, there is no reason to continue, he can have the amicable divorce he once spoke of so hopefully. I think 20 months is long enough, even by Harley standards. I'm still doing Plan A, but I'm looking for Plan A from him as well. There isn't enough love in my bank for him to continue LBing.<P>I'm tough today, huh? Life does go on.<P>Take care, Janie<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>